Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/239554
6B Daily News – Friday, January 10, 2014 New parents must set limits for overbearing grandmother DEAR CAROLYN » My mother-in-law asked me for Christmas gift ideas for my 4-month-old son. I said I thought he was too young for electronic toys and asked for something simple, like blocks, board books or a teddy bear. She bought him a "baby laptop" that lights up and plays music, saying, "Well, I didn't have time to travel Carolyn back to the Hax 1950s to buy Ask Carolyn him blocks." I am upset that she not only disregarded our wishes but also insulted our choices. My husband agrees with me. We firmly believe in the importance of creative play. Both my husband and I have had this discussion with her several times. Our choice may seem a bit strange, but I feel like she should respect our wishes regardless of whether she agrees. I do not want to hurt her feelings but I am considering returning the gift. I also feel this situation is symbolic of a much larger problem. She questions every decision we make as parents and makes snide comments about our choices. Any advice? — Tired Mom DEAR TIRED MOM » You're right about a larger problem, but it's larger even than the snide-comment problem. She could so easily just accept your child-rearing approach at face value. I mean, you're asking for blocks, not explosives. Instead, she's reacting to your choices. On top of that, she's handling her reaction poorly. She isn't, for example, attempting a reasoned argument against buying blocks — maybe, "I know you want to make good choices for Baby, but I'm concerned it's going too far — I'd like some leeway to have a little fun." That's something you can work with, even if you disagree. Instead she's undermining. You can't work with that. Such lashing out reveals that she's in shaky emotional health. Your new family unit is what threatens her. She's feeling obsolete, maybe; or beneath your (perceived) hoity standards; or like the loser in a (perceived) competition for her son's attention. Or all three. So she elevates herself by sticking pins in your Fancy Pants Parents balloon. You can neutralize this. You need to: — Understand that people who lash out usually feel wounded themselves. Confused, too — new baby means new feelings for all. — Gently draw a baseline. "These are exciting times for us. We'll mess up — but praising successes would help me so much more right now than trying to fix non-dangerous mistakes." — Decide what lines are uncrossable. — Include his mother, however you can abide, unless/until she crosses uncrossable lines. Ask for her help or opinion sometimes, on non-touchy subjects. — Ignore minor affronts to save your strength and accrued good will for enforcing those lines she can't cross. Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. BABY BLUES Jerry Scott & Rick Kirkman ZITS Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman Brian Crane PICKLES Darby Conley GET FUZZY Sudoku Instructions: The object is to place the numbers 1 to 9 in the empty squares so that each row, each column and each 3x3 box contains the number only once. SHERMAN'S LAGOON Jim Toomey Answer to Previous Puzzle PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Stephan Pastis Celebrity Cipher By Luis Campos Instructions: Celebrity Cipher cryptograms are created from quotations by famous people, past and present. Each letter in the cipher stands for another. Scott Adams DILBERT BIZARRO Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Your strong opinions will place you in a position of leadership. Take what's yours and don't hesitate to be aggressive. Showing passion and a desire to get ahead will attract interest. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Question certain emotional issues before it is too late. You must stay on top of any situation that could alter your financial future. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Do something nice for someone. Your generous deed will help your reputation. A life change will help you pursue more options. Aries (March 21-April 19) — Don't worry about ticklish matters; take the initiative and do whatever has to be done to stake your claim. Where there's a will, there's a way. Dan Piraro ARGYLE SWEATER Taurus (April 20-May 20) — The more you discuss your plans, the closer you will be to achieving them. Setting your course of action is a good place to begin. Honesty will pay off. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Secrets must be kept if you want to prosper. Money matters will develop, and the information you have will require discretion. Love is prominent, but don't mix business with pleasure. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — A change will do you good. Visit a destination that offers something unique or could bring you in touch with someone unusual. Don't instigate change, but welcome what does come your way. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Travel in search of new people, places and interests that will help you broaden your horizons. Don't let an emotional issue get you down or stifle your fun. Scott Hilburn Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Rest, relaxation and a little pampering will be good for you. Include someone special in your leisure plans, and you will make an impression. Love is highlighted. Enjoy the moment. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — You'll face opposition, and you should avoid situations that are demanding, overbearing, aggressive or excessive. Protect your home, your assets and your emotional, financial and physical well-being. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Speak up. Don't let anyone push you around. Focus on your beliefs and concerns in order to open up a way to fix an intolerable situation. Sagittarius (Nov. 23Dec. 21) — Don't gamble with money, love or your health. Protect what you have, making whatever changes are necessary to ensure your safety and happiness. Proceed with caution. NEA Crossword