Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/239081
Thursday, January 9, 2014 – Daily News overbearing, friend? — Friend DEAR FRIEND » You're soooo close here — you're listening, you care, you're attuned to her feelings. That's going to carry you most of the way, so trust that. Next time say, "I think a lot about you and wonder how your fertility efforts are going, but I'm not sure how or even whether to ask. Would you like me to check in, or let you bring it up when you're ready?" Re: Friend: I could be your friend, I am in almost the exact same spot. Like anything that is full of emotional land mines and grief, sometimes you want to talk, and sometimes you don't. But I am never offended if someone asks how things are going. If I want to share things, I do. If I don't, I give a quick answer and change the subject. Carolyn's advice is good, ask her how she wants you to handle this. The process of in vitro is a very hard road. It's full of hope, and if it doesn't work, the grief can be enormous. Just continue DEAR CAROLYN » BABY BLUES Jerry Scott & Rick Kirkman ZITS How to help a friend who is struggling with fertility issues DEAR CAROLYN » I found out recently that a good friend of mine is having trouble getting pregnant. She's miscarried once and has had fertility problems since — this has been going on for two years but she's a pretty private person and just told me a couple of months ago. I felt awful that she was going through this and of course Carolyn told her she Hax was welcome Ask Carolyn to talk about it with me anytime. Since then, she hasn't brought it up on her own and I've had a hard time knowing when and how to ask how it's going. The last time I asked, about a month ago, she was going through an in vitro cycle. She hasn't brought it up since, and I don't know how long it takes to determine whether it was successful or not. When we met for lunch yesterday, at one point there was a lull in the conversation, like she wanted to say something but didn't, and I couldn't find a way to bring it up. Any advice for being a supportive, but not 3B Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman being a good friend. — Anonymous DEAR ANONYMOUS » Thanks for weighing in, and good luck. Re: Friend: I ask people how I can be most helpful to them. When my sister was going through her divorce, I told her I could be there as her sounding board, or I could just let her not talk about it if that's what she wanted. Let them know you are willing to be a safe space, whether that means a place to vent, or a place that they can not think/ talk about it anymore. — Anonymous 2 DEAR CAROLYN » Brian Crane PICKLES DEAR ANONYMOUS 2 » I like this too, thanks. What all of these approaches share: centered on the friend, and also specific. You want to offer some options, not shift more weight to your already burdened friend. Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Darby Conley GET FUZZY Sudoku Instructions: The object is to place the numbers 1 to 9 in the empty squares so that each row, each column and each 3x3 box contains the number only once. SHERMAN'S LAGOON Jim Toomey Answer to Previous Puzzle PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Stephan Pastis Celebrity Cipher By Luis Campos Instructions: Celebrity Cipher cryptograms are created from quotations by famous people, past and present. Each letter in the cipher stands for another. Scott Adams DILBERT BIZARRO Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Good things come to those with patience, tolerance and understanding. Emotional interaction will allow you to see all sides of a situation. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Someone is likely to play with your emotions. Step back and bide your time until you are fully prepared to deal with the people giving you a hard time. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — It's a good day to mix and mingle. You'll do well in social settings, and will fare even better when trying to formulate and sign deals. Aries (March 21-April 19) — Your erratic feelings can lead to an impulsive decision regarding your future or the status of a partnership. Don't do anything that you may end up regretting. Focus on self-betterment. Dan Piraro ARGYLE SWEATER Taurus (April 20-May 20) — Enjoy the people and things you get the most satisfaction from. Keeping the peace will help you stabilize your relationships with important people. Live, love and laugh. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Financial deals should be signed, sealed and delivered. Making plans to network with peers or to celebrate with someone you love will help boost your confidence and ego. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Get involved, be a participant and make your voice heard. Helping others will bring high returns. Socializing with people who share your sentiments will lead to a prosperous venture. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Don't let anything get you down. Give an emotional situation a positive spin, and, above all, keep moving. Being willing and able to make a tough choice or change will help you excel. Scott Hilburn Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Traveling, taking on a project or meeting new people will lead to new beginnings. Children or elders can help you realize what you need to do to improve. Be open to different philosophies. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Problems will surface if you can't come to terms with what someone wants. Spending time on your own or with a friend will help you sort through your course of action. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — A personal change is headed your way. Someone special will influence your life, but before you make a move, consider your motives. Re-evaluate your relationships before effecting change. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Consider your career options and what's required of you to reach your destination. Don't be fooled by what someone tells you. NEA Crossword