Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/236838
8B Daily News – Saturday, January 4, 2014 Is niece's fixation on being beautiful worth encouraging? DEAR CAROLYN » I'm looking for some advice on how to respond to my 5-yearold niece's obsession with being pretty. She refuses to wear anything other than dresses (a skirt and top are not the same and are not pretty enough), her hair must be combed and adorned with clips or ribbons and she must wear several pieces of jewelry. She will Carolyn sob hysteriHax cally if any of Ask Carolyn the above is not perfect in her eyes. I realize this may sound overly dramatic, but I've seen it happen and her reaction floored me. She was inconsolable for several minutes and finally ended up pulling a dress from the dirty clothes hamper because nothing else was available. And this was to go to the park on a weekend to play. I know she's getting these ideas from her father's mother and sister; they are both very much like this and are constantly buying her clothes and jewelry and praising her looks. There are two different family dynamics going on here that are part of the problem. My sister and her husband seem to be on opposite sides most of the time, which is hard for me to watch. My concern is for my niece and her well-being. What can I say to a 5-year-old whose only question when I see her is, "Do I look pretty?" I want her to understand beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body. — Anonymous DEAR ANONYMOUS » I'll concede this kind of pretty-preoccupation is a bummer, but I can't share your level of distress. It's not unusual for kids that age to put on three outfits in one day to get it just right, or to fixate on a certain look or article of clothing, or to cry as if their world has collapsed when something stands in the way of their single-minded pursuit. This is true even without the warping influence of ancestral beauty queens. Your niece's age is a big moment for selfawareness with kids. Also, while the princess brigade can expect a low barrier to entry into the imagination of the smallest children, over time her mother will be a much more present and therefore, just by the level of exposure, more powerful influence. Please just be a loving, grounded, inner-focused fixture in this child's life. Do activities with her that require her to think or persevere or be creative. Praise her when she's kind, resourceful, tough, whatever traits you value most and believe will serve her best. That's what her aunt and grandma are doing, as you're all entitled to do. A quick primer on ways to encourage inner vs. outer motivation in children is the first chapter of "Nurture Shock," by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, which discusses the research of psychologist Carol Dweck. For a more thorough look, read Dweck's book, "Mindset" — or just read up on developmental norms for 5-year-olds. Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. BABY BLUES Jerry Scott & Rick Kirkman ZITS Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman Brian Crane PICKLES Darby Conley GET FUZZY Sudoku Instructions: The object is to place the numbers 1 to 9 in the empty squares so that each row, each column and each 3x3 box contains the number only once. SHERMAN'S LAGOON Jim Toomey Answer to Previous Puzzle PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Stephan Pastis Celebrity Cipher By Luis Campos Instructions: Celebrity Cipher cryptograms are created from quotations by famous people, past and present. Each letter in the cipher stands for another. Scott Adams DILBERT BIZARRO Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Lie low and allow someone else to take the lead. You will discover far more about this person if you remain passive. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Make your needs clear and search for a way to sort out existing problems. People who don't understand your values should be regarded as acquaintances — not friends. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Make a point of mingling today. This will be a good time to network. If you are in the right place at the right time, an investment opportunity will arise. Stay motivated. Aries (March 21-April 19) — Decisions may be clouded by emotional issues. To avoid a misunderstanding, be open about whatever is distracting you. Dan Piraro ARGYLE SWEATER Taurus (April 20-May 20) — A physical activity may lead to new friendships. Someone from your past may turn up unexpectedly. Be cautious in order to avoid this person taking advantage of you. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Meeting up with chums will be inspiring. Travel will stimulate you, and you may make new friends. As long as you are conservative with your money, investments can be made. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Reading will lead to valuable information. Idleness is the enemy. Make adjustments to your home environment, but stick to a budget. Keeping busy will help your mood. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Your ego will be bruised if you have allowed someone to make a fool of you. Trying to feel better through extravagance will not help. Choose to be a passive observer today. Scott Hilburn Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — A financial endeavor may leave you disillusioned. Don't allow loved ones to meddle in your finances — their suggestions won't pay off. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Now is a great time to travel. You can learn, have fun and make new friends. Conversations with fascinating and unique individuals will inspire and energize you. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Professional changes are necessary. Look into taking a new direction or starting your own business. Others are unlikely to be helpful, but you will find satisfaction in doing the work yourself. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Avoid projects that make you uneasy. Employ tact when handling other people's concerns. Try not to get wrapped up in someone else's drama. NEA Crossword