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Wednesday, October 13, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Supportive sibling slights spouse Dear Annie: Five years ago, my then-single hus- band decided to take in his 9-year-old sister, ‘‘Taylor,’’ because his mother was using drugs. It was intend- ed to be a temporary arrangement until his mother could clean up her act. After one year, Mom got sober and found a job, but Taylor continued to live with her brother. My hus- band and I married and had two children, and his sister grew into a teenager. When we were expecting our second child, there was talk about Taylor returning home, but I think my husband was waiting for his mother to turn into this perfect par- ent. And Taylor was comfortable here. My feelings were totally ignored. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar My husband thinks sending Tay- lor home is the equivalent of throw- ing her to the wolves and says I’m not being supportive of his decision to let her remain. My relationship with Taylor is strained because I blame her for allowing the situation to continue. I’ve spoken to my mother-in-law, and she and I agreed that Taylor would return home before school starts. But my husband refused to ‘‘kick her out’’ if she didn’t want to go, and she didn’t. I believe Taylor needs to work on her own relation- ship with her mother and stop using my husband as a father substitute. Meanwhile, my husband throws it in his mother’s face that he has spent years raising her daughter. Everyone is short-tempered, and I If you're like nearly 20 million American home- owners, you owe more on your mortgage loan than your home is worth. You probably have serious doubts that it will ever be worth what you paid for it. In a word, you're "underwater" on your home. Why not simply walk away from this terrible invest- ment? That's what many people are doing. It's called a "strategic default" when a homeowner who could keep paying the mortgage simply decides it's not worth it. A recent report revealed 31 percent of U.S. foreclosures in March were strategic, compared with 22 percent in March 2009. And that number is likely to grow, as home prices remain stagnant, jobs remain scarce and people become angrier at their financial situation. It's one thing to face foreclosure when you sim- ply can't make the month- ly payments, no matter what the value of your home. When the court orders a foreclosure, you have little choice. But a "strategic default" is something quite differ- ent. The idea of simply walking away from a property that is underwater and making a "fresh start" -- even though you could continue to make the mort- gage payments -- is an blame them all for the way things are in my marriage. My husband is the one who makes the decisions in this family. His mother is quite passive. What should be done? — A Home Divided Dear Divided: You mar- ried your husband knowing he was raising his sister, and it may be too late to change it now. You obviously don’t want Taylor to stay, but forc- ing her out could wreck your marriage. Encourage Taylor to form a closer bond with her mother by acting as facilitator and arranging some shopping excur- sions or dinners out, and enlist the help of Taylor’s school counselor to support a connection. Your husband is the only father figure in Taylor’s life. Consider her your stepdaugh- ter, and try to find a way to accept her. She won’t live there forever. Dear Annie: My parents were heavy smokers, and they both died due to complications from COPD and emphysema. My daughter watched their agony. Now she smokes herself. Having watched her grandparents die from the effects of smoking, I cannot understand why she would start a habit that kills. Worse, she now exposes my grand- daughter to secondhand smoke. I know if smokers could turn back time, they would not start such a nasty and filthy habit. What can I do? — Not Smoking but Still Suf- fering in N.H. Dear N.H.: Smoking is an addiction. Your daughter may not be able to stop without assistance, but you can give her information idea that seems to be catching on. about the hazards of secondhand smoke. Her pediatrician should also mention this. Tell her if she cannot stop smoking for her own benefit, she should at least minimize the risks to her child. We hope she lis- tens. Dear Annie: This is in reply to ‘‘Not Liking Mother in Connecti- cut.’’ Has her mother always been nasty and insulting? She says her 55-year-old handi- capped sister lives with Mom. As the mother of a 47-year-old handi- capped son who does not live with me, I can imagine that Mom might be very angry about her situation. Does she get any respite from car- ing for the daughter? She also may be grieving the years of her life that have gone into caring for this daughter. It sounds like some therapy is in order, although Mom will probably reject the idea. The writer should also seek counseling to deal with the issue. It may make her more understanding and tolerant of her mother. — Mom Who Is Liked in NYC Dear NYC: Thanks for shedding light on the flip side of the coin. There are always two sides. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Walking on mortgage is no underwater escape hatch your record. Here's some advice. Think twice before you walk away from your mortgage. This decision may catch up to you in ways you never consid- ered. Of course, walk- ing away from a mortgage and letting your home go into foreclosure will ruin your credit. That doesn't seem to be much of a deterrent even to those who could afford to keep paying. The pre- vailing sentiment is that "everyone's credit is in the tank," so it's not such a scary proposition. But before walking away, you might want to take a look at whether your state allows "deficiency judgments." About half do -- and the result is the lender can go after you in the future, garnishing your wages and invading your bank accounts for amounts lost to the lender when the foreclosed home is ulti- mately sold. Some states have time limits on enforc- ing these judgments, but those can easily be extend- ed in the legal system. As Gerri Detweiler, consumer credit advocate at Credit.com, says: "Just because they don't come after you right away doesn't mean they aren't coming after you eventual- ly. This is not a risk-free decision. Your 'fresh start' interrupted by a debt col- lector just as you've started to rebuild your savings." Detweiler suggests that if you are going to walk away from your home in a state that grants "recourse" to lenders, you should consult an attorney about your future vulnera- bility. Bankrupt- cy may be the only option to prevent future judgments. And if the gold market, which is presag- ing future infla- tion, is reflected ultimately in the real estate mar- ket, you may not get back on this real estate train before it leaves the station. Terry The one big hazard that few people seem to consider is the potential diffi- culty of getting back into the housing market in the future. Yes, you can rent a comparable place now for less than you're paying currently on your under- water mortgage. It's a good temporary housing solution -- if the landlord is willing to rent to some- one whose home is in the foreclosure process. If you walk away, you're probably also figuring that you'll be able to buy some- one else's foreclosed prop- erty at a much better price than your old home. Don't count on it. These days, even buy- ers with very good credit have to jump through hoops to get a mortgage. So getting back into the housing market may not be so easy with a "walka- way" strategic default on Savage The Savage Truth on Money Truth. Terry Savage is a registered investment adviser and is on the board of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.She can be reached at www.terrysavage.com. She is the author of the new book, "The New Savage Number: How Much Money Do You Really Need to Retire?" It's easy to doubt that home prices will ever reach their 2005 highs again. But don't bet the roof over your head on that. If infla- tion comes roar- ing back, all hard assets will rise in price -- including the home you're thinking of leav- ing behind. And that's The Savage Touting the virtues of vitamin E DEAR DR. GOTT: Many years ago, I suf- fered from fre- quent cramps in my legs and toes, mostly at night. At the suggestion of an older relative, I took a vitamin E capsule, which she said would relieve the pain. Much to my surprise, the pain was gone about five minutes after taking it. Twelve years ago, I had radial-nerve Dr. Peter Gott surgery, which was successful. I was able to use my arm and hand without any problems. However, if I engaged in an activity such as playing cards or knitting, where my hand was in the same position for any length of time, my hand cramped up and was painful. I tried the vitamin E capsule (400 IU) twice a day and very rarely have cramping anywhere in my body. If I do have a prob- lem, I take an extra cap- sule immediately with the same result. During a recent physi- cal examination, I dis- cussed this “remedy” with my doctor, who also reads your columns, and he said he thought you might be interested in this remedy. He said he had no idea why it works but since it does, to continue with the regimen, as this relatively small dose will not harm me. Because it is a blood thinner, I have been advised to stop taking it seven to 10 days prior to any surgery. I am a 78-year-old Caucasian woman; how- ever, I assume age and race have nothing to do with the results that I have had. I hope this will work as well for others. DEAR READER: Vit- amin E is a fat-soluble vit- amin with antioxidant properties. It is used for the treatment and preven- tion of many health condi- tions. In fact, research remains ongoing regard- ing its value in treating heart conditions, Parkin- son’s, diabetes, anemia, cancer and a host of other diseases and disorders. However, no conclusive studies are available for these and other condi- tions. The recommended long-term daily allowance of E is between 15 and 20 IU daily; however, many experts claim it is safe when con- sumed in larger amounts. Deficiency of E is rare with a proper diet that includes broccoli, spinach, kiwi, for- tified cereals, whole grains, fruits, veg- etables and vegetable oils, and also because it is stored in the body for extended periods of time. There is concern regarding the safety of E in high doses because of the potential for an increased risk of bleeding, particularly in patients on anticoagulants or with a vitamin K deficiency. Excesses have been known to also cause headache, fatigue, blurred vision, diarrhea, flatu- lence and bloating. If your physician thinks the 800 IU daily regimen is OK for you, stick with it, especially if it relieves your pain. Other readers should consider a modifi- cation in their diet and a discussion with their pri- mary-care physician before taking the supple- ment. Medications, even those available over the counter, can interact adversely. The safest bet is to get the go-ahead first rather than backtrack after the fact. To provide related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Vitamins & Min- erals.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order made payable to Newsletter and mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092- 0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website at www.AskDrGottMD.com . Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. CARE TO COMMENT? At redbluffdailynews.com, scroll to the end of any story, click the link and type away.