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Tuesday, September 21, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Inconsiderate in-laws isolation irks inquirer Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 26 years, and we are very happy. When we first married, we moved next door to my widowed mother-in-law to help her out. About 12 years later, how- ever, we moved to a more family-friendly community 20 miles away where we could raise our three children. My wife stays in close contact with her mother. But Mom has always treated us as if we are less important than my wife’s siblings and their children. For example, every Christmas, the other grandchildren receive gifts carefully selected especially for them, while our kids get cash. This happened even when our children were little and easy to buy for. by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Annie’s Mailbox This pattern has spread to infect my wife’s sisters. They recently planned a family reunion, knowing full well that my family would not be able to attend an event so far away. The latest acts of rudeness are a wedding that requires a two-day hotel stay on New Year’s (even though the couple was mar- ried six months ago in a civil ceremony) and another niece’s destination wedding in the Dominican Republic. We don’t have that kind of money, and I have a disability that prevents me from traveling great distances. My question is: Should I feel guilty telling my wife’s sisters that I cannot afford to attend these events? While I will certainly give the bride a lovely gift, how do I make the in-laws realize and appreciate our circumstances without making things worse? How do I make my wife realize that her mother and siblings treat us like second-class relations? Because I love and respect my wife, I have bitten my tongue for years. I’d appreciate your opinion. — Fed Up in Ohio Dear Ohio:Your wife loves her family, even if they don’t treat her as well as you’d like. Don’t sow discontent. Be sup- portive, letting your wife know how much you love and appreciate her. It will give her the strength to deal with her relatives. Meanwhile, since you cannot manage a destination wedding, it’s perfectly OK to send your regrets. If your wife wants to attend and it is affordable, let her go without you. This is a reasonable compromise for such family events. Dear Annie: This isn’t the biggest problem in the world, but I’d like your advice. My hubby wears a hearing aid. When we are out in public, especially when sitting in a restaurant, he will dig into his ear to pull the aid out and put it away. I think he should do this in the privacy of the restroom. I haven’t said anything since I’m not sure if I’m right or being too picky. — Curious in California Dear Curious: How much digging are we talking about? If he can pluck the hearing aid out without much fuss, it isn’t necessary for him to do it in the restroom. If, however, other people are present at the table or he has to spend more than 10 seconds getting it out of his ear, he should excuse himself. Dear Annie: You were too one-sided in your response to ‘‘N.Y.,’’ who wanted his wife to run errands with him on Sat- urday because places are closed on Sunday. His wife, how- ever, wanted him to go hiking or take drives on Saturday. Stay-at-home wives may feel sad and powerless if errands take over the husband’s first free day. She’s not try- ing to control the agenda. She wants to have fun with him. They could compromise if she runs some of his errands during the week and he comes home early after work and finds a library or mall with evening hours. Then they could split the Saturday agenda to include both errands and bike rides. — Vermont Outdoor Girl Dear Vermont: We respectfully disagree. The simpler and more logical compromise is for them to run errands on Saturday and bike on Sunday. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Meds or alternatives for hand tremors? DEAR DR. GOTT: Can you tell me if there is a safe and effective home remedy for hand tremors? My father is 69 years old and has stopped going to his doctor for his monthly B12 shots, which were given to reduce his hand tremors. I advised him to try drinking six to eight ounces of warm sage tea up to three times a day, but can you recommend something else that will work for him? Dr. Peter Gott DEAR READER: While there is a genetic tendency, no one knows why tremors exist; however, they represent an abnormal communication between spe- cific areas of the brain. Causes can include Parkinson’s dis- ease; stroke; low blood-sugar levels; thy- roid abnormalities; some medications, such as those for cardiac issues; tricyclic antidepressants; decongestants; and breathing issues. Drinks that contain caf- feine are also known to cause tremor, as is stress, anxiety and fatigue. Essential and familiar tremors can be suppressed by consuming alcoholic beverages, but this is not a desirable remedy. Symptoms of essential tremor begin gradually, can be aggravated by emo- tional stress and temperature extremes, and differ from Parkinson’s because they happen when a person’s hands, head and voice are being used. Parkinson’s tremor, in contrast, tends to occur when the hands are at rest, without involvement of the head or voice. If treatment is required — and it isn’t in all cases — tranquilizers, antiseizure medications, beta blockers ordinarily prescribed for hypertension and Botox injections might be prescribed. Alterna- tive treatment includes massage, hypno- sis, acupuncture and relaxation tech- niques, such as tai chi or yoga. One con- sideration is 100 milligrams of grape- seed extract and 50 micrograms of vita- min B50. B12 fights anemia and nerve damage, and is said to reverse the symptoms of Bell’s palsy. If it helped your father’s tremor, he might consider the monthly injection once again. In any event, I would suggest that you speak with his physician to determine whether his tremor is benign or has an underlying cause. In that way, you will know whether to lean toward something as complex as Parkinson’s or whether he might consider alternative remedies. To provide related information, I am sending you copies of my Health Reports “Parkinson’s Disease” and “Compelling Home Remedies.” Other readers who would like copies should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order for each report payable to Newsletter. Mail it to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title(s) or print an order form off my website at www.AskDr- GottMD.com. DEAR DR. GOTT: I have a friend who takes medicine that causes him to be constipated. One of my co-workers said she saw an article in one of your columns for a cocktail for this problem, but she could not remember the ingredi- ents. Her husband used it at one point and had good results. It’s odd that I write because I have an ileostomy and have exactly the opposite problem. I take tincture of opium, which slows my bowels down and lessens the amount of fluids I lose. Our bodies are amazing, and it’s good to educate our- selves about them with as much knowl- edge as we can. My friend doesn’t have a computer, so if you send the information on, he can either read it in our local paper or I will forward it to him. Thank you. DEAR READER: My colon cocktail consists of equal portions of unprocessed bran, applesauce and prune juice. Mix the three ingredients together, and place them in your refrigerator for at least an hour to blend. Then take 1 to 2 tablespoons daily, more if necessary, for relief. The remedy may take up to two weeks to be fully effective, but the ingre- dients are safe and natural. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com.