Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/15880
Monday, September 6, 2010 – Daily News – 3B FEATURES Ex exerts extremely encroaching existence Medication causes diarrhea Dear Annie: I resent that my husband’s ex-wife is still in the picture. I tolerated her presence when his children were young, but now that they are grown, I don’t see why she is still in our lives. She will show up on my hus- band’s birthday and bring a gift. When his relatives visit from out of town, she comes to our house to see them. She drives to the airport to see him off when he takes a busi- ness trip. I know the kids are telling her his schedule, but I suspect my husband also gives her informa- tion, although he denies it. We’ve been married for 20 years. I have asked my husband to speak to his ex about boundaries, but he refuses. He says it would hurt his children’s feelings for their mother not to be wel- come. He doesn’t think it should both- er me after all these years, but I con- sider her an uninvited guest. What’s your take? — Crowded by the Ex Dear Crowded: After 20 years, the ex-wife thinks she’s still part of the family, and apparently, so does every- one else except you. Frankly, we’re surprised after all this time that you haven’t found a way to be friends with the woman, which would be the best way to handle it. She is the mother of your stepchil- Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar dren and will always be part of your life, so cutting her off completely will only create resentment. Instead, ask your husband sweetly to limit how often she intrudes. Dropping off a birthday gift and seeing his relatives at your home are not unreasonable, but the air- port run is over the top. Dear Annie: My wife and Am I wrong to be tired of this? I are exhausted after hosting relatives for three weeks and need time to recuperate. Yet, one granddaughter wants to stay the night, her mother encourages it, and my wife won’t say no. We’ve been married eight years, and I can count on one hand the num- ber of times my wife and I have had a weekend to ourselves. How do I give my wife the backbone to say enough is enough? — Numb Dear Numb: You may be misin- terpreting your wife’s attitude. It is entirely possible that she encourages family visits and likes to have her granddaughter stay overnight. She may resent your insistence on saying no. Discuss this with her. Then cross out some days on your calendar so she remembers not to book any guests for that period. It is important to make the effort to schedule time for your rela- tionship, or it can get lost in the tumult of other obligations. Dear Annie: The letter submitted by Holly Miyagawa regarding kidney failure was very informative. I wish you had emphasized that her condi- tion was detected by the school nurse. I have been a school nurse for 22 years. I have referred students for evaluation when there was undetected cancer, life threatening but untreated asthma, severe allergies and many more medical issues of which the par- ents were unaware. I have worked with families to get treatment for stu- dents when they didn’t know how. School nurses are invaluable resources to parents and students. Unfortunately, superintendents are fir- ing school nurses all over the U.S. because they are deemed ‘‘unneces- sary.’’ Yet the current economic condi- tions make it nearly impossible for some people to get care, and I am often the first medical professional they consult. Thank that school nurse for being there. — Idaho School Nurse Dear Nurse: Absolutely. Too many schools are forced to cut pro- grams in the name of saving money, but it is the children who lose out. Consider this our thanks to all the school nurses who do so much. Annie’s Snippet for Labor Day (credit Martin Luther King Jr.): All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be under- taken with painstaking excellence. Why you should beware of debtors' prison Debtors' prisons were abolished in the United States in the 19th centu- ry. I surprised myself when I remembered that fact as I read a recent headline from the Star Tribune of Minneapolis- St. Paul, "In jail for being in debt." Immedi- ately, I conjured an image of a shivering woman crouched in the corner of a jail cell, sharing a meal of gruel with rats. Suddenly, $39 late fees and annoying calls at dinner didn't seem all that bad. Only days later, CBS MoneyWatch.com con- sumer reporter Marlys Harris related the story of Mr. Button in southern Indiana. Seems that one Herman Button owes $1,800 to a former land- lord and has no means to pay up. The judge threat- ened jail time for Button if he did not come up with $25 each month to pay down the debt. In that case, the Indiana Court of Appeals reversed the order on the grounds that it violated the state constitution. Even so, in that state, a creditor can petition a court to issue a summons for nonpayment of a bill. If the debtor fails to appear, then she's in con- tempt of court and all bets are off. Jail time becomes a definite possi- bility. Should you be wor- ried about getting hauled off to the pokey because you're behind on pay- ments or you've defaulted on a credit card bal- ance? Apparently, you should. Any creditor can file a lawsuit for nonpay- ment. If you do not respond and show up to defend yourself, you could lose by default. If the court is in a particu- larly nasty mood that day, it could issue an order for your arrest plus a legal judgment against you. Even if you simply are issued a judgment, you still have cause for con- cern. The plaintiff can use any legal means available to collect that judgment, including gar- nisheeing your wages, filing a lien against your property, tapping your bank account and so on. Laws vary by state, but none of the potential con- sequences is pleasant. Though the odds of your going to jail for nonpayment of your debts are proba- bly slim, it does occur to me that any time we carry debt, we have created our own kind of debtors' prison. Whenever there is a debt incurred, the borro wer becomes a slave to the lender. Sounds like prison to me. Thank goodness there's a way out. It's called repaying the debt as quickly as possible. If that means selling assets or taking on a second or third min- imum-wage job nights and weekends, it would be worth it to break those chains of bondage. Should you Mary Hunt Everyday Cheapskate ever find your- self in jail for being in con- tempt of court, get ready to run up even more debt. Harris reports that an increas- ing number of prison systems are charging inmates for their keep. It's as high as $60 a day in Springfield, Ore. If you can't pay? Har- ris is guessing they'll just issue a war- rant for your arrest and put you back in jail. DEAR DR. GOTT: I’m an elderly lady with heart trouble. I developed H. pylori about six years ago and have been hospitalized twice for it, as I became weak from not being able to eat much. I still have diarrhea every morning. Please let me know any information on this sickness. Dr. Peter Gott Also, my heart medica- tions are potassium and torsemide. Lately, my feet and ankles are swelling more than usual, and my physician’s assistant wants me to double the torsemide. Would this injure my kidneys? How long is it safe to take? I usually take half a tab, but I would then be taking one whole pill. Is there a way to swallow my larger pills more easily? DEAR READER: Let’s start at the beginning. H. pylori is a bacterium that infects the beginning of the small intestine or stomach. This bacterium is said to be present in 50 percent of all people worldwide. There are instances when H. pylori is present but there are no symptoms, and a person is completely unaware he or she has it. When symptoms are pre- sent, they include weight loss, nausea, vomiting, a burning sensation in the abdomen and more. H. pylori enters the body through the mouth and passes into the diges- tive system. In developed countries, infection in chil- dren is unusual, but it becomes more common during adulthood. Compli- cations can include inflam- mation of the stomach lin- ing, certain types of stom- ach cancer and ulcers in the stomach and small intestines. There are several tests available for analysis, such as blood and stool testing, breath testing and endoscopy. The latter uti- lizes a flexible tube with a camera attached that allows a doctor to look for irregu- larities in the digestive tract and to take biopsies. T reatment might include med- ication to reduce stomach acid, H2 blockers such as ranitidine, cimeti- dine, antibiotics and several others. Finally, to answer your ques- tion, there is no direct con- nection between H. pylori and the side effect of diar- rhea. That said, the bacteri- um could cause gastritis — inflammation of the stom- ach lining. Gastritis can be tied in with diarrhea, but I haven’t found a reputable source that lists it as a com- mon symptom. Torsemide is a diuretic (water pill) that makes the heart’s job easier. Its pur- pose is to increase urine output. It causes large amounts of potassium to be excreted from the body and is why you have been pre- scribed potassium. Side effects include headache, stomach upset, blurred vision, loss of appetite, dehydration, dry mouth, heart arrhythmias and con- stipation or diarrhea. Some of the symptoms are unusual and don’t affect everyone; however, I believe you may have the answer here. Speak with your physician to deter- mine whether he or she can switch you to another diuretic or potassium pill or modify the dosage of your current meds. This medication can lead to water and mineral depletion, so you should take it as your physician directs for as long as neces- sary. I am unaware of any issues with long-term use. Your doctor is attempting to reduce the swelling in your feet and ankles; how- ever, I would hate to have your diarrhea become so disruptive as to prevent you from leaving home or caus- ing you to lose control over evacuations. Pills too large to swal- low can be crushed inside a plastic bag before swallow- ing or taken immersed in a teaspoon of applesauce. 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