Sigma Phi Epsilon - Missouri University of Science & Technology

5 MO GAMMA MEMORIES Tuesday was our bowling league night, and we usually returned to the house around 11 p.m. To announce our success and return, and feeling quite relaxed, I got into the habit of climbing the back stairs to the third floor and rolling my bowling ball down the hall toward the president's (Todd Reidt '85) door. Not wanting to do any real damage and to maximize the effect, I rolled it slowly and over the finger holes to achieve a pleasant clunking sound that reverberated down the halls. A few brothers did not appreciate this weekly celebration, so efforts arose to "capture" my bowling ball. To prevent the "capture," I had one of my fellow bowlers stationed near the president's door to recover it. However, one evening, Brothers Randy Johnston '85 and Brian Donaldson '85 captured my ball and sought to destroy it. They tried driving a large spike through it with a sledgehammer and even dropping it from the third floor but only succeeded in taking a fist-sized chunk out of the ball, which, while rendering it useless for bowling, increased the desirable clunking effect. My ball was eventually recovered, and the event continued for several more weeks with the new-and-improved sound effects, until one night our perfect record was broken. Kerry Powers '85, after receiving an anonymous tip of our arrival, was secretly prepared, and as the ball started rolling, quickly opened his door and redirected the ball into his room. Distraught by the interruption in our celebration, I pounded on the door demanding the return of the ball. Despite my pleas and well-reasoned arguments, the return was not forthcoming, so I resolved to resort to more extreme measures. I informed Brother Powers that if the ball was not returned forthwith, I would be utilizing a chainsaw to gain entry and rescue my ball. Brother Powers scoffed at this, effectively daring me to do so. Not one to back down from such a challenge, I immediately went down the back stairs in search of a chainsaw. Not finding a chainsaw, I did notice a lawnmower and quickly reasoned that since a lawnmower and a chainsaw both have small gas engines, Brother Powers would not be able to distinguish between the two through a solid wood door. Always the diplomat, I knocked on Brother Powers' door and gave him one more chance to return the ball, indicating that I was now in possession of a chainsaw that I intended to use. When he questioned my manhood, I had no choice but to lean over and fire up the lawnmower. Here is a rarely observed fact: a lawnmower inside of a hallway is louder than expected. Brother Powers quickly opened the door and now proceeded to question my sanity. A crowd of unhappy light sleepers began to gather, and seeking to avoid any unjustified fines, I wheeled the lawn mower in front of the president's room to begin pleading my case. While a few of the light sleepers were suggesting an end to the night, a significant number of brothers appreciated my ingenuity and were demanding an encore performance. By this time, a decent-sized crowd had gathered on the landing, led by Brother Kirk Boese '85, who was a star high school running back and a really strong guy. Brother Boese pointed out to me that it would be rather unhealthy for me to perform an encore event. I tried negotiating with him, stating that since everyone was already awake, there was really no harm in firing up the lawnmower to satisfy the crowd, but that only made him growl, sneer, and ball his fists. Recognizing that I had misread him entirely and that he was not complaining about the noise but my failure to include him in the activity, I made my best and final offer. While leaning down to grab the starter rope, I made an offer he could not refuse: "Okay, thirty seconds," I said. "And you can push!" I fired up the lawnmower to raucous applause. I can happily report that nothing was damaged, nobody was injured, and despite my being clearly the wronged party (remember, I was rescuing my bowling ball), I ultimately paid my $3 fine for disturbing quiet hours. Man, I miss those days. Mowing the Halls of Sigma Phi Epsilon Story by Kevin Hubbart '86 Editor Note: Memories made at Missouri Gamma stay with us for life and some make us smile every time they come to mind. Kevin Hubbart '86 recalls one such memory and shares the story below with us. Kevin Hubbart '86 is a successful real estate developer and entrepreneur in the Tampa Bay area. He can be reached at kevin@hubbart.com.

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