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Friday, August 20, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Outsider offspring onerous to origins Dear Annie: Our 19- year-old son, ‘‘Todd,’’ left home a year ago with only a backpack. He left a voice- mail saying he was with a friend and not to look for him. My husband finally got a mailing address when he called Todd’s cell phone and said perhaps insurance coverage was no longer needed if we didn’t know where he was. We contin- ued to forward mail to him and twice received e-mail — once to ask for money (which we sent) and another time to tell us his guitar had been stolen. Six weeks ago, I found Todd on know where he lives, he for- feits his right to get a birth- day check. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Should we take a stand on this and risk losing touch with him completely, or has he proved that he is only interested in a relationship with us if we pay? — Peeved Parents in Tennessee Dear Parents: We think Facebook and ‘‘friended’’ him so we could keep better track of his status. He lives with friends a mile away and has been attending college near- by. Last month was his birthday, and I forwarded the card and check his grandmother sent and enclosed a check and card of our own. When the checks were not immediately deposited, we worried something might have happened to him and e- mailed. He informed us he had moved, but didn’t say where. Since then, we have received sev- eral e-mails from Todd, all asking if those checks came back in the mail or if we are sending replacements. Maybe my anger is clouding my judgment, but if he wants gifts, isn’t it his responsibility to send us his address? If he doesn’t want us to Todd has proved only that he’s 19 and immature. The good news is, he is attending college and managing to stay out of trouble. The bad news is, the only time he thinks to contact you is when he needs money. The check from Grandma belongs to Todd, so e-mail and say if he wants it, he has to send you his current address. After that, it’s up to you. But we think it wouldn’t hurt to remind Todd that you love and worry about him, and that it would be nice if he’d let you know he’s OK once in a while. Then try to leave him alone as much as possible so he can learn to be a responsible adult. It will be good for all of you. Dear Annie: My friend has a boyfriend who is emotionally abu- sive and recently choked her. She called the police but did not file a restraining order. She calls me every day, crying and asking for advice that she never follows. I’m a wreck worrying about her and her child, waiting for the next awful phone call. I live a few hours away, and her family is no help. What can I do? — Pennsylvania Dear Penn: There are myriad reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. You cannot ‘‘save’’ your friend. She must find the strength to get out on her own. You are, however, coming to her aid by listening and repeatedly encourag- ing her to get help. Please don’t abandon her out of frustration. Con- tact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at 1-800-799- SAFE (1-800-799-7233), and ask for additional assistance. Dear Annie: This is for ‘‘Help Needed,’’ who has a fear of birds. I suffer from arachnophobia (fear of spiders) and have developed a cop- ing mechanism that might work for her. Instead of screaming when star- tled by a spider, I yell at it. This could work really well for birds, since they usually fly away when yelled at. — Ignoring My Fears Dear Ignoring: Often, using anger can help make a person less afraid and in this particular case would probably scare away the birds, as well. Thanks. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Me and my PALs Once a competitor, always a competitor. I showed up at the Canoe and Kayak Drag Races with my paddle board ready for the stand up paddle board race. I had been training hard, and I heard that there was anoth- er lady that was frequenting the river on her board. I just knew she'd be there. I had my Powerbar for breakfast and my jug of Gatorade for after. I asked the sign up folks who my compe- tition was. They said they had lots Avery Vilche Fitness Buff of calls from people about it, but no one showed up to compete. I was bummed, but I had my hubby drop me off at the city park, and I paddled myself down to the Diversion Dam. It was a nice ride, but I would have loved to go board to board with someone. Oh well. This summer's been slow for my classes. I put my fight club at RB Fit- ness on hold as well as my MMA Conditioning class at Body Projex. I've just been doing a lot of solo workouts. They've been great, but I missed my students. The main reason that I teach is to have people to workout with. So I got a call from Sensei Bill Handel from the PAL — Police Athletic League — kickboxing program. He wanted to know if I'd be interested in teaching his kids the ground game portion of fighting, and it would take on more of an MMA feel. Most folks know that I'm not a big 'kids' person, but these were older kids — 13-18 years old. I'd watched Bill and Pep Roa's class before and knew these kids were disci- plined. Bill added that they finally got the boxing ring set up. Well, that was the icing on the cake for me. I had- n't been in a boxing ring in a long time. I jumped at the chance. I wanted to know if I could get some of my fighters to come help me teach — and spar and grapple with the bigger kids so I don't have to. I was told that as long as they passed the finger- print clearance, they were welcome to help me out. I have three of my fighters ready to help and was looking forward to men- toring these young fight- ers. I was pretty nervous my first night teaching, but I had my CARE TO COMMENT? At redbluffdailynews.com, scroll to the end of any story, click the link and type away. *RAIDERS TICKETS FOR SALE* Red Bluff Jr. Spartans Football Fundraiser End Zone Tickets 3rd level $ 1st & 2nd 40.00 level $ , 45 Tickets must be ordered 30 days in advance. Contact Jenn Moniz with Red Bluff Jr. Spartans: (530) 524-0110 or jennrbyf@yahoo.com P.O. Box 8027, Red Bluff, CA 96080 Mon.-Fri. 10:30 to 5:30 Sat. 11-3 40 Crafters in 1 Shop! 650 Main St., Red Bluff 530 528-2723 Boutique Come & Shop Crafter’s Or Rent a Space to Sell Your Crafts Gifts for family & friends Plenty of parking on Pine Street Season Tomatoes Make your tomato season last longer. Dr. Andrew PomazalD.O. Physician & Surgeon General Medicine Saturday Appointments Available • High Blood Pressure • Diabetes • Joint & Muscle Pain • Lung Problems We offer Osteopathic Manipulation 530 528-2066 2050 Main St, Red Bluff Accepting New Patients These tomatoes will keep producing until it freezes Garden Center Red Bluff 766 Antelope Blvd. (Next to the Fairground) 527-0886 Cool Menopausal woman can’t sleep DEAR DR. GOTT: I have been going through menopause for the past seven years and have made it through the difficult phase. However, I have a problem staying asleep. I fall asleep most of the time with no prob- lem but will stay asleep for about two hours. Then I can’t fall asleep again. Do you have a solution to this problem other than using estro- gen? Dr. Peter Gott aid. DEAR READER: As you are aware, hormonal changes occur during menopause. Those changes can produce symptoms of insomnia that can range from tran- sient and temporary to chronic and annoying. A woman actually goes through three phases: perimenopause, menopause and post- menopause. During the first stage, estrogen lev- els can decline, resulting in abnormal cycles, hot flashes and temporary insomnia. Menopause occurs when a woman has remained free of a cycle for 12 months. A woman may awaken dur- ing the night (or when- ever she sleeps) leading to chronic insomnia. Postmenopause can lead to still more pronounced sleep disturbances such as sleep apnea and rest- less-legs syndrome. So yes, there is definitely a strong link. Estrogen is produced fighter,Thomas, with me ready to help out. I watched Bill and Pep teach the first part and was impressed with how well the kids did. Now it was my turn. I showed the kids all the falls — you have to know how to fall, or you will get hurt when someone throws you and you land wrong — and made sure they were able to do them right. Next I worked with them on armbars and escapes. These kids picked it up fast, and I was proud to see a young lady at her first night of any kind of martial arts training, whip an arm bar on a boy that was bigger than she was. I enjoyed that class so much, I was really looking forward to the next one. Bill and Pep and I have big plans for these kids. We want to get them some fights — amateur boxing and kickboxing. We want to get them into some grappling tournaments. Who knows? Maybe even some MMA fights for those who are 18. It's nice to see kids who have a real enthusi- asm for the sport. So, if you have a kid between 13-18 years old, or if you are a kid in that age range, come on down and check us out. Classes are at Body Projex, 1450 Schwab St. in Red Bluff , 4-5:30 p.m. Mondays and Wednesdays. See you in the ring. Avery Vilche has her B.A. in physical education and a certificate in exercise physiology. She has been a fitness instructor in Red Bluff for more than 17 years. Her background is in boxing, kick boxing and wrestling. She can be reached at vilcheavery@yahoo.com. in the ovaries and adren- al glands in females. In menopausal women, it is prescribed to reduce the unpleasant symptoms that can plague a woman. Some physi- cians might choose to prescribe hormone- replacement therapy (HRT) if symptoms of menopause are severe. I don’t know that I would be one of them. That decision is best left for you to determine with your gynecologist, based on your full med- ical history. You might consider modifying your diet to include cucum- bers, soy sprouts, garlic, green beans, yams, apples, corn, peas, olive oil, sunflower seeds and beets. During waking hours, consider adding yoga or another exercise program. Retire at about the same time each evening. Be sure your room is dark, quiet and free of distractions. To provide related information, I am send- ing you copies of my Health Reports “Menopause” and “Sleep Wake Disorders.” Other readers who would like copies should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order per report to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title(s) or print an order form off my website at www.AskDrGottMD.co m. DEAR DR. GOTT: I have an itchy scalp and body. It’s not ringworm. I get small bumps on the skin when it itches. My doctor gave me pills that help on my body and lotion for my scalp, but these last only about 15 minutes. DEAR READER: There are numerous causes of itchy skin, most of which are harm- less. Then there’s the itch from stress, anxiety, hyperthyroidism, poly- cythemia, an allergic reaction, sun exposure, dermatitis, psoriasis, eczema and liver or kid- ney disease. There are logical steps you might consid- er, such as ruling out food allergies, reducing stress levels, using cold compresses, over-the- counter antihistamines and anti-itch creams. Beyond that, you might have appropriate blood or allergy testing to zero in on some of the possi- bilities I mention. If your physician is unable to prescribe something for control that is effec- tive, request a referral to a dermatologist who can sort out the problem. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cook- book,” which are avail- able at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.co m Attempt to clear issues and coor- dinate activities before retiring so you don’t awak- en at 2 a.m. to problem solve. On particularly dif f i cult evenings, con- sider melatonin, an over-the- counter sleep