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Tuesday, June 22, 2010 – Daily News – 3B FEATURES Daughter-in-law’s pants on fire Can body piercing affect health? Dear Annie: My son and his family have been estranged from us for six years. We discovered the reason was that his wife was spreading vicious lies. When I caught her in one partic- ular lie, she left a message saying, ‘‘To us you are dead.’’ I assume my son believed her lies, because he does not contact us at all. I have tried to mend the relationship, but every time there seems to be a little headway, she comes up with something new. I know she wants an apolo- gy from me. I would do that, but I’m sure she will use it as proof that her lies were true. I love my son, and not seeing the grandkids is hurting my husband and me terribly. I pray daily for a miracle that will bring us together again. — Brokenhearted Dear Broken: Some spouses (and it is primari- ly wives) are so insecure that they need to control every aspect of the mar- riage, and that requires alienating the in-laws. It borders on emotional abuse. It also requires a partner who doesn’t rec- ognize what’s happening or lacks the spine to take a stand. You cannot change your daughter-in-law’s personality, and you apparently cannot con- vince your son that she is a liar. He also may be unwilling to rock the boat at home by questioning her. Your choice is to remain estranged or to apologize repeatedly. An Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar ship. Dear Annie: I am a hairdresser and have a problem saying ‘‘no.’’ My family and friends expect me to do their hair for free. It started when I said ‘‘yes’’ to one, and now I have 10 people who think I should do their hair. I used to do it at work, but it became too difficult. So now, after a 50-hour workweek standing on my feet all day with my back aching, everyone wants me to make house calls. I believe they are tak- ing advantage of me. I honestly don’t want to do anyone’s hair anymore. I have to bring all my equipment to their homes, and they never offer to give me a dime. How do I put an end to this? I would never expect anyone to do this for me. Why can’t I say ‘‘no’’? — Sick of Say- ing Yes in N.C. Dear N.C.: You obvi- ously don’t want to disap- point anyone, but they are definitely taking advan- tage of you. If it’s too hard to say ‘‘no,’’ try making yourself less available. Tell Sis your back aches and you can- not do one more head of hair that day. Or the next. Tell Aunt Judy your feet are killing you and you’re staying home. It might help to stand in front of apology does not have to be an admission of guilt. Tell your daughter-in-law you are truly sorry for upsetting her, and make sure you say it in front of your son. We know it sticks in your craw, but it may be the only way to have any kind of relation- the mirror and practice what you plan to say. Put some starch in your back- bone, honey, or you will be stuck doing this forev- er. Dear Annie: ‘‘Victim of a Stroke’’ said a sudden personality change could indicate a stroke. It could also be a sign of other life- threatening problems. My husband’s friend was a sweet person who suddenly turned into an unkind grump who con- tinually belittled my hus- band, who was baffled and devastated. Three months later, the friend was dead from a blood clot to the lungs. He was 46. Our landlord was a vibrant, compassionate man in his 50s who jogged five miles a day. One day, he said our 11- year-old daughter had to move out. Even his wife thought it was odd. Three months later, he died of a heart attack while jog- ging. A sudden alteration in the amount of oxygen to the brain can also trigger a drastic behavior change. — Still Grieving Dear Still: Thank you for pointing out that any sudden personality change could indicate a serious medical condition and requires immediate attention. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. DEAR DR. GOTT: My daughter is sick all the time and has been for more than six years. She will be 22 this August, has had several live-in boyfriends and is currently liv- ing on her own with a dog in a mobile home. She cannot hold down a job or stay in school. One doctor she has seen seems to think she might have Crohn’s, but nothing shows up in blood tests when seeing other doctors. Is she using this as an excuse? Dr. Peter Gott She will catch any flu or cold bug that comes around, and it will knock her out of commission. She has at least 20 body piercings and multiple tattoos, to boot. So, with all of the body piercings, could her immune system be compromised to the point that there is nothing left to fight off everyday germs? I also wonder if depression could cause any of her symptoms such as diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue, fever and an occasional kidney stone. I have talked with her about this numerous times, and she refuses to go for counseling. She would rather sit home and be sick all the time and let life pass her by because there is nothing that can help her. DEAR READER: There is a great deal that can be done, but she must be willing. While she may have had test- ing in the past, she should begin with a clean slate. She should undergo a complete examination, get a baseline EKG, chest X-ray, urine analysis and culture, if necessary, to rule out low- grade infection; lab testing to check for hepatitis, anemia and thyroid dis- orders; and anything else her physi- cian deems appropriate. Infection from the piercings and/or tattoos, if present, should be identi- fied or ruled out during the physical examination. To the best of my knowl- edge, tattoos and piercings do not weaken the immune system. Kidney stones can be the result of improper diet, illicit or prescription drugs, heredity or insufficient fluid intake. Sometimes they can be pre- vented by drinking up to three quarts of water every day and by remaining physically active. Not all stones cause symptoms, but when they do, pain, nausea, vomiting, fever, chills, blood in the urine and malaise can occur. Crohn’s disease (inflamma- tion of the digestive tract) should be investigated and either ruled out or treated. Crohn’s can cause abdominal pain, diarrhea, arthritis, fever and more. Treatment will depend on the location and severity of symptoms. Diag- nosis can be made through an upper GI series X-ray, sigmoidoscopy or colonoscopy. Treatment, if necessary, will likely begin with medication, nutritional supplements and surgery when and if conservative measures fail to provide relief. Once any obvious medical condi- tions have been ruled out, you can move on to her depression. This is a consuming condition best treated with therapy and, unfortunately, you may not be the best person to recommend it. Leave that to her doctor who might have a better chance of getting her the help she needs. She has nothing to lose but the rut she is stuck in and everything to gain in that she is only 22 with a full life ahead of her. She needs to make the initial move if she is ever to feel good about herself. Express your concerns, and ask for her indulgence in seeing a new physi- cian. Then step back and hope for the best. To provide related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Kidney Disorders.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website at www.AskDr- GottMD.com. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com New in-home provider enrollment process California Department of Social Services (CDSS) Director John Wagner recently urged all existing In-Home Sup- portive Services (IHSS) program providers to visit their county IHSS office to re-enroll in the pro- gram or risk being barred from receiving payment for services delivered. In order to ensure the integrity of the program and protect client safety, the 2009 Budget Act passed by the Legislature and signed into law by the Governor included a sig- nificant anti-fraud initia- tive that included, among other things, a new IHSS provider enrollment process. The new process includes enhanced back- ground screening as well as other safeguards designed to protect IHSS recipients and safeguard against fraud and abuse in the program. As of June 9, 2010, approximately 330,000 providers have begun the re-enrollment process, including more than 225,000 who have com- pleted the process, includ- ing fingerprinting and a background check. Approximately 20,000 have taken no steps to re- enroll and risk losing their provider status. “I applaud the many state, county, Public Authorities and provider representative organiza- tion efforts to help providers comply with these new enrollment requirements included in last year’s budget to ensure program integrity in the IHSS program. These efforts have result- ed in the vast majority of providers meeting the new requirements,” Director Wagner said. “Any providers who have not yet visited their coun- ty IHSS office to re-enroll need to do so no later than June 30.” The four main ele- ments of the new provider enrollment process include: a new provider enrollment form with a declaration signed under penalty of perjury; a new provider form acknowl- edging their understand- ing of the IHSS program requirements; fingerprint- ing and a background check; and participation in a program orientation. Starting Nov. 1, 2009, all new IHSS provider applicants are required to complete all four ele- ments before being eligi- ble to receive payment for services provided to IHSS recipients. Due to the large number of existing providers, the law allows any providers already working or applying to work prior to November 1, 2009, through June 30, 2010 to re-enroll in order to continue to receive payment from the IHSS program. As of June 9, approxi- mately 330,000 providers have begun or completed the new requirements. The level of enroll- ments under the new process has increased exponentially in recent months due to the action steps and outreach by CDSS, the counties, the Public Authorities, and provider representative organizations. Tour of Historic Hwy 99 A motorcycle touring group will retrace the Historic Old Highway 99 road in California, departing from Williams. Billed as The Grand Tour of Cali- fornia’s Historic Old Highway 99, it will run for a full week, July 19-25, following a 2,000-mile route and covering the entire length of the state. The Tour is a fund raiser for the New Life Christian Center in Williams, which is hosting the event. The center’s future home, a former bowling alley, is being renovated into a modern church. The $99.99 ride fee from each tour participant will go toward the building upgrades. All makes and models of motorcy- cles are welcome on the tour, which had its first run in July 2009. The Old 99 route was the original north/south border-to-border main highway in the Golden State, and many Califor- nians today can remember driving the lengthy and circuitous road even up to the 1960s, when it was de-cer- tified, and replaced by the Interstate system. The Old 99 Tour is the only one of its kind in the state covering the his- toric highway, which is now being rediscovered after years of obscurity and neglect. Visit www.badbrian.net for more information.