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2B Daily News – Thursday, March 14, 2013 FEATURES Hubby controlling wife, money Second hand smoke bad for kids proves that I am Dear Annie: her true biologiWhat do you do cal father. The when your husboyfriend does band controls the not know, but money? I'm 68 just about everyyears old, and for one else does. the past 10 years, My daughter "Robert" has is now 6 years paid the bills and has hidden the Annie's old, and I want to tell her the checkbook from truth. Will I be me. Robert told me by Kathy Mitchell doing more harm I need to pay my and Marcy Sugar than good? — Perplexed in own bills. He has a retirement income, Poughkeepsie Dear Perplexed: If and he still works. I receive Social Security. the little girl has a solid I have always been and loving relationship thrifty, and although I with the man she have a debit card, I am believes is her father, only allowed to use it your sudden assumption for necessary things like of that role might be groceries. I pay for my traumatizing for her. clothes, haircuts, etc. I You also will be responbought a new coat yes- sible for child support. terday with my own However, if "everyone money. Robert scolded else" knows, it's only a me and told me to watch matter of time before the current boyfriend my spending. Robert does not see and your child learn the how his controlling truth. It is better if this behavior affects me. Is coping all I can do? — information comes from her mother in a gentle Craving Trust Dear Craving: Con- and compassionate way, trolling the finances can so Mom's support is be a form of abuse. Hid- crucial in making this ing the checkbook also easier. Please ask the keeps you in the dark mother to come with about where Robert's you for mediation to see money is going. There is whether you can work no reason to tolerate on being a part of the such behavior. You are a child's life. You can disfull partner in this mar- cuss it with your clerriage and are entitled to gyperson or a trained see the checkbook, the counselor, or contact bank statements and any your local family court other financial business for a referral to a family that concerns you. If mediation program. Dear Annie: I read you are afraid of Robert's reaction, the letter from "A Good please contact the Man Gone Celibate," National Domestic Vio- who has given up relalence Hotline (thehot- tionships because he line.org) at 1-800-799- can't find any good women among the gold SAFE. scheming Dear Annie: I'm in a diggers, quandary about my little manipulators, entitlegirl. She believes her ment princesses, Toxic mom's boyfriend is her Thelmas and serial father, but a DNA test divorcees. Mailbox I don't think it's fair to blame all women for what is on the dating sites. Most of us are not like that. I own my own home and car and love the job I've had for 16 years. My kids are all grown and on their own. I have little drama in my life. My girlfriends and I have been on most of these sites, and all we get are men who only want sex or those who want to marry you the first time they meet you. We are tired of this. It seems that most men don't want to take the time to establish any kind of relationship that doesn't end up in bed after a couple of hours of talking. My profile says, "If you can carry a conversation for more than 10 minutes without using sexual innuendos or sending naked pictures, please contact me." Needless to say, I don't get a lot of contact. I have been off and on these sites for six years. I, too, get frustrated and disgusted, but I will walk away for a while and come back with a different attitude. Also, Annie, if he takes your advice and chooses more wisely, he may find what he's looking for. — Lady with Morals Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast .net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. by 20 percent to 30 percent; DEAR DOCTOR K: My hus— causes asthma or triggers band smokes. Is secondhand asthma attacks; smoke really as dangerous for me — is responsible for 50,000 as I've heard? deaths each year in the United DEAR READER: When I first States — more people than are became a doctor, very few people killed in automobile accidents! thought that secondhand smoke Smoking has long been affected your health. I was one of linked with lung cancer; it is the skeptics. It just seemed like Dr. K the prime cause of this disthe amount of smoke you take by Anthony L. ease. But its effects aren't liminto your lungs when you smoke is so much more than when you Komaroff, M.D. ited to the lungs. Smoking also affects the heart and blood are with a smoker. But doctors began to study second- vessels; so does secondhand smoke. hand smoke, and thank goodness they In fact, routinely breathing seconddid. More than a thousand studies show hand smoke is almost as bad for the beyond the shadow of a doubt that sec- heart as smoking. The best thing you can do — for your ondhand smoke can be very bad for you — bad for adults, and even worse for health as well as your husband's — is to persuade him to quit smoking. If your kids. You don't take as much smoke into husband can't or won't quit, ask him to your lungs when you live with a smoker smoke outside or just in one room that no than if you are a smoker. But you take in one else uses. Don't be lulled into a false sense of more than enough to threaten your security by air cleaners or air filters. health. Whether it's smoke from a cigarette, They can't eliminate the hazards of seccigar or pipe, secondhand smoke is a ondhand smoke. And don't assume the dangerous mixture of freshly burned dangers of secondhand smoke disappear tobacco and exhaled smoke that contains once the smoke clears. Nicotine in hundreds of chemicals. These include smoke residue clings to walls, carpets, formaldehyde, benzene, carbon monox- clothing and other surfaces. It can react ide, ammonia, arsenic and lead. Some with a common indoor air pollutant to are known to cause cancer; others are form cancer-causing compounds that can highly poisonous to cells all over the persist for months. Really, I'm not being an alarmist. Secbody. That sounds like it should have nega- ondhand smoke is almost as bad for nontive effects on your health, and it does. smokers as smoking is for smokers. And The U.S. Surgeon General estimates the that's how you need to treat it. following risks to nonsmokers from Dr. Komaroff is a physician and exposure to secondhand smoke at home professor at Harvard Medical School. To or work. 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