FarmHouse - University of Nebraska

FARMHOUSE FRATERNITY 2 B rian C. Hilgenfeld '86 was adopted at birth to a loving fami- ly—and for most of his early adult life, he held little desire to know his birth family. "I grew up with a loving and support- ing farm family and rural community that gave me the values of hard work and sense of community that made me who I am today," Brian said. "I felt strongly that the nurture I received growing up was all I needed." "While I knew I was loved enough to be giv- en up for a better life, that, and the love of my family, was enough for me. When I had children, I realized that there were connec- tions we had in common that were definitely nature, while nurture surely also had a role." It was this realization that led him to want to know more. "I needed to learn what made me… me." The Desire to Know More Brian's adoption was a closed adoption— meaning he had very little information about his birth family. "I had some basic descrip- tions like height and weight, and a short letter written by my birth mother about what was going on in her life before I was born. She was from a small town in a farming community in Iowa. In 2004, the agen- cy reached out to her, but she wasn't comfortable opening up contact with me, which I understood completely." Out of respect for his birth mother, Brian moved on with his life. Then everything changed in spring of 2017. "I signed up for several of the genetic background services popular today," Brian said. "23and- Me has a component of their service called Genetic Relatives. When I signed up, the service immediately identified a half-brother whose parents were both born in Mexico. I had always assumed my ancestry had a dark pigmentation element and know I knew why. Neither of us followed up on this connection at the time. Then this past fall, I received a notification from 23andMe informing me that I had new DNA relatives. When I signed in, I immediately saw "Antonio Var- gas…Father." After recovering from the shock of that news, I penned a note to introduce myself and that I would like to connect if he did. He responded, and we spoke for the first time shortly after. I felt we connected immediately." A Big Happy Family This has been quite the journey for Brian, a journey that his mother and his family have been very supportive of. Additionally, his birth father and extended family have been excited and very welcoming to Brian and his family. "My birth father had no idea of my existence and was so surprised when 23andMe led us to each other," Brian said. "He and his entire family have welcomed us into their family with open arms." This excitement led to a meeting in California of the two families. "My wife, Michelle, made the trip with me to meet my birth father, his wife and two daughters, and their husbands and young children after our 25th wedding anniversary in March. Right away, we were accept- ed as an immediate extension to their very close family. We had an instantaneous connection. It was an amazing weekend discovering the many things we had in common: from small, our dogs have the same name; to big, we have a similar smile and quick sense of humor. We found similarities that make the impact of our shared genetics such an undeniable part of our shared history." Brian could even make an ag- riculture connection: "My new brother-in-law Jorge's family has been in the dairy business in Northern Baja Mexico for 90 years and Jorge crosses the border into Mexico from San Diego every day to help run Leche Jersey." The Value of FarmHouse As Brian has come to learn more about the nature and nurture aspects of himself, he also realizes that FarmHouse played a big part in his nurture side. "I always felt at home with the high standard of scholarship, social, and leadership [values] I found in common with the men of FarmHouse," Brian said. "Through FarmHouse, I found the activities that would shape my University experience, secured the internship that would shape my career after graduation, and made the connections to the people who would eventually introduce me to my wife. FarmHouse undoubtedly has had the single biggest influence on shaping my adult life." Brian continues to stay connected to his FarmHouse brothers and en- courages undergraduates to invest in their relationships with brothers. "You will never again have a similar opportunity to give your time to a more concentrated group of the best and brightest people," Brian said. "Invest in each other after graduation and find a way to connect on a regular basis. For about the past 20 years, my FarmHouse contempo- raries and I gather around a trip to a different MLB park each year." Life After UNL At UNL, Brian earned his Bachelor of Science degree in industrial and management systems engineering. Today, he is a senior vice president and general manager of sales for a large technology integration firm, Sirius Computer Solutions. "I lead a team of technology profession- als who help Fortune 2000 and SMB firms advance their information technology initiatives and operations. I started my career at IBM after a FarmHouse brother introduced me to a job at IBM during my under- graduate career." Brian and his wife live in Blair, Nebraska. They have two children, Alexa Gillham (married to Joey Gillham '16) and Bradyn Hilgen- feld '18. In his spare time, Brian enjoys bowhunting elk and deer, and he became a pilot in 2012 and flies regularly for business and pleasure. If you would like to reconnect with Brian, you can reach him at bhilgy@gmail.com. Nature AND Nurture How a DNA Test Led Brian Hilgenfeld '86 to His Birth Father

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