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Saturday, May 22, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Daughter won’t pull her weight with chores Dear Annie: I am a divorced father and have raised two children alone for the past six years. The kids are now 19 and 16. The problem is chores. My son takes out the garbage, feeds the cat, shovels snow in the winter and cuts the grass in the summer. He also brings in the groceries and sets the table. My 19- year-old daughter, however, is reluctant to even wash a dish. She considers such things to be punishment. There are times when I don’t get home until after 8:00 p.m. and still have to cook dinner. I pay my daughter’s tuition bill for college, and when she needs a laptop, she gets it. Yet, if I ask her to sweep the floors, you’d think I wanted the moon. She says she doesn’t have time, but if I walk into her bedroom, she’s on Facebook with her friends. I really don’t think 20 minutes a day is too much to ask by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Annie’s Mailbox everyone involved. Any suggestions? — Frustrated Dad Dear Dad: Try allowing your daughter to be part of the process. Have a family conference, and calmly explain that maintaining the household is a joint effort and requires everyone’s participation. Make a list of chores, and ask your children to divide them with you so that no one is overly bur- dened. If she still refuses to cooperate, you have other choic- es. You can tie her tuition and other expenses to what she does around the house, you can tell her she has to get a job and pay rent, or you can ask her to move out. Living inde- pendently can often ward off problems at home. Dear Annie: I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 18 months. Recently, I was caught off guard. I was at my cousin’s house watching a movie. She left the room for a few minutes, and while she was gone, her phone buzzed with a text message from my boyfriend’s number. He asked if he could see her again because he ‘‘had a great time the other night.’’ for providing a roof over her head and food on the table. Other than this, we have a great relationship. Both kids are respectful, polite and funny and make it easier for me to work because they can take care of themselves. Ours is the house where everyone ‘‘hangs out,’’ and I’m fine with that. Talking to my daughter does nothing but create stress for Should I confront them, or should I stop jumping to con- clusions and wait to see the outcome? — Not Sure What To Think Dear Not Sure: Oh, let’s not wait. It’s possible someone else was texting from your boyfriend’s phone, or there could be an innocent explanation for their evening together, but you have a right to know what’s going on. Dear Annie: Your column on vaginal dryness came 20 years too late for my wife, rest her wonderful soul, who passed away three years ago. During the last 18 years, we slept in separate bedrooms. We still loved each other, but it could have been so much more fulfilling. She suffered from vaginal dryness, but was extremely prudish and inhibited and never mentioned this to her physician. We both were old-fashioned, and in those days, things were not as openly discussed as they are today. Had they been, we might have had many more years of bliss. I could have resorted to porn movies, but that is only anoth- er killer of happy, satisfying marital relations. I hope other couples in situations like mine read that inter- esting column and learned from it. — California Dear California: We are always impressed with the advice and comfort that come from our readers. We are sorry it was too late for your wife, but we know it will help some- one else. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Could migraines be controlled by smoking? DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 44-year-old female with migraines. I am other- wise healthy with no other medical prob- lems, but I’m about 30 pounds overweight. I was diagnosed with migraines at age 12 and was put on med- ication, but because of the side effects, my parents chose to take me off it, and until recently, I haven’t had any trouble. After smoking for 15 years, I finally quit when my mother passed away from lung cancer. Almost immediately after quitting smoking, my migraines came back and were so bad that I couldn’t function. With three active children, this was not an option for me, so I start- ed smoking again, and the headaches went away. Dr. Peter Gott I am scared of what my future holds if I continue to smoke, and I truly want to quit. I went to my family doctor and a neurologist. I have tried several differ- ent medications, such as antidepres- sants, antiseizures and migraine-specif- ic drugs, which didn’t work. I was on a blood-pressure medication briefly that worked well for the headaches, but after a while it caused my blood pressure to drop too much, and I ended up in the hospital being monitored. I don’t know what the connection is with smoking and migraines, but I’m guessing it involves stress. Can you offer any suggestions on what to do so that my children don’t grow up without a mother? I don’t take any medicines except an occasional over-the-counter ibuprofen or naproxen for minor aches and pains. DEAR READER: I am not aware of any connection between smoking and migraines. However, in your instance, this is clearly the case. I cannot recom- mend you continue smoking in order to control the headaches. I can, however, try to offer you some advice and rec- ommendations that you may not have tried. First, migraines are a type of headache that can be disabling when they occur. They typically cause severe one-sided head pain, may present with a visual aura (flashing lights, blind spots, etc.) and cause sensitivity to light and/or sound. Vomiting and nausea are also common symptoms. They can run in families, and those with a family his- tory are at higher risk of developing migraines. Each sufferer usually has specific triggers that, when a person is exposed to them, can result in a migraine. Trig- gers can include hunger, fatigue, hor- monal changes, certain medications, stress, head trauma, changes in environ- ment, sensory stimuli (such as bright lights or unusual smells) and certain foods, especially those with preserva- tives (nitrates), MSG or aged cheeses and wines. If possible, retreat to a quiet, com- fortable place at the first sign of a migraine. Turn off the lights, apply heat or ice to your head and neck, and gently massage the painful areas. For some, taking an aspirin or other OTC pain reliever with a caffeinated beverage such as a soda or coffee can boost the pain-relieving effects of the medication. Too much caffeine, however, may wors- en the pain or lead to a withdrawal headache when the caffeine intake is stopped. Typical prescription medications include antidepressants, antiseizure drugs and migraine-specific medica- tions such as those you have tried. For some people, certain blood-pressure medications and other cardiovascular drugs may also be beneficial. However, because you have tried this without suc- cess, I recommend one of the following alternative treatments. Be sure that you have physician approval first because not all these treatments may be appro- priate for your case. Acupuncture may provide positive results, even though it is not routinely recommended because scientific studies have failed to show strong beneficial evidence. Because you have taken the conservative, modern-medicine route, now may be the time to try this ancient therapy. Biofeedback is a relaxation tech- nique that utilizes special equipment to monitor and control certain physical responses. By understanding the body’s response to certain stimuli such as ten- sion, a person may be able to learn how to control and alter those responses. The herbs feverfew and butterbur have shown some positive results in preventing or reducing the severity of migraines. High doses of vitamin B2 may also act as a preventive. Still others have had success with coenzyme Q10. Finally, some migraine sufferers have had success with cervical manipu- lation; however, there is no scientific proof that chiropractic or spinal manip- ulation will help migraines. This treat- ment also carries the risk of arterial damage that may result in stroke or death. When performed by a qualified professional with experience, this is very rare. I suggest you return to your primary- care physician or neurologist to discuss these options. In the meantime, you should quit smoking. Substitute over-the-counter nicotine patches or gum to reduce the severity of your migraine symptoms during this stressful period. To provide related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Headaches.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order to Newslet- ter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my web- site at www.AskDrGottMD.com. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. Dave Hencratt for Sheriff “It’s Time For Change” ★ Paid political advertisement