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Thursday, January 10, 2013 – Daily News 3B FEATURES Hubby's flirtations poisoning marriage Therapy can relieve be trusted to be faithful or Dear Annie: Two years honest. He won't change ago, I caught my husband unless he recognizes and having an emotional affair admits that his behavior is with a friend of ours. Even wrong. Please go back to though we went through your counselor on your own counseling and he told me and discuss what you can he was no longer in contact live with, whether you with her, he lied. He continbelieve your husband will ued to lie for almost a year, even during our counseling Annie's grow up anytime soon, and what the best course of sessions. In one session, he action is for you. tried to blame me for his Dear Annie: I am part of actions, and after six by Kathy Mitchell months, he still refused to and Marcy Sugar a family business, and I work from an office in my take any responsibility for home. I get dressed for work every the affair. This whole thing has made me day, the same as those who work not trust him. I recently saw an outside the home. I am as important email to an ex-girlfriend from high to our company as everyone else. If school. He said he wished he had I'm not in my office, I miss phone been a better person, and that he calls from customers, vendors and would be looking for a woman like employees who have to wait for me to get back to take care of their her. He says they were just reminisc- needs. I have siblings and an elderly ing about the past. I believe he is up to his old ways. I know he wouldn't mother who all live nearby. Because like it if the tables were turned. Am they think I ''don't work,'' I am the I wrong to be upset and ready to one called upon to take Mom to divorce him? — Disappointed and doctor appointments and run errands for her. In addition, I am Heartbroken Dear Disappointed: You aren't asked by family and friends to care wrong to be upset, but whether or for children who are home sick or not to divorce him is a more diffi- cannot get to their regular child care cult choice. Men often don't realize provider. Taking time from my job puts me how hurtful an emotional affair can be. They don't understand that it is behind, and I often have to work still a betrayal, and consequently, evenings and weekends to catch up. they don't always do the necessary These days, more and more people work to heal the marriage from are working from home. Please tell what they justify as a harmless flir- others to be respectful. — Work-atHome USA tation. Dear Work: Working from Right now, your husband cannot Mailbox home often gives others the impression that you don't actually work or that your time isn't that important. And while it may give you more flexibility with your hours, it is still the same number of hours, which would require working evenings and weekends to make up time spent doing other things during the day. It would help for you to set boundaries. If you can manage to do these favors without resentment, go right ahead. But if you don't want to babysit little Johnny, say, ''So sorry, but I'm working and can't take care of him. You'll have to make other arrangements.'' If you say it enough times, they will get it. Dear Annie: This is in response to ''Never the Better Offer,'' whose mother skips family gatherings because she would rather stay home by the phone waiting for a better offer from a potential date. If Mom does not have a cellphone, they should give her one as a gift and pay for a year's service. Then Mom will no longer have an excuse for missing out with family and friends, because she will still get her calls and can easily arrange for a short-notice date. — Mollie Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. IRS plans Jan. 30 tax season opening for 1040 filers Following the January tax law changes made by Congress under the American Taxpayer Relief Act (ATRA), the Internal Revenue Service announced today it plans to open the 2013 filing season and begin processing individual income tax returns on Jan. 30. The IRS will begin accepting tax returns on that date after updating forms and completing programming and testing of its processing systems. This will reflect the bulk of the late tax law changes enacted Jan. 2. The announcement means that the vast majority of tax filers -- more than 120 million households -should be able to start filing tax returns starting Jan 30. The IRS estimates that remaining households will be able to start filing in late February or into March because of the need for more extensive form and processing systems changes. This group includes people claiming residential energy credits, depreciation of property or general business credits. Most of those in this group file more complex tax returns and typically file closer to the April 15 deadline or obtain an extension. "We have worked hard to open tax season as soon as possible," IRS Acting Commissioner Steven T. Miller said. "This date ensures we have the time we need to update and test our processing systems." The IRS will not process paper tax returns before the anticipated Jan. 30 opening date. There is no advantage to filing on paper before the opening date, and taxpayers will receive their tax refunds much faster by using e-file with direct deposit. "The best option for taxpayers is to file electronically," Miller said. The opening of the filing season follows passage by Congress of an extensive set of tax changes in ATRA on Jan. 1 with many affecting tax returns for 2012. While the IRS worked to anticipate the late tax law changes Free foreclosure clinic A free foreclosure alternatives and prevention clinic, sponsored by Legal Services of Northern California, will be held at 11 a.m. on Friday, Jan. 11, at Legal Services of Northern California, 541 Normal Ave., in Chico. This clinic will provide information on home ownership, mortgage loan issues, foreclosure prevention and alternatives to foreclosure. Volunteer Attorney Joe Feist will meet individually with all clinic participants. Any eligible low income persons and seniors are welcome. Preregistration is required. For more information or to register call 345-9491. Mental health board meeting The Tehama County Mental Health Board will meet at noon on Wednesday, Jan. 16, at Tehama County Health Services Agency Vista Recovery Services, 1445 Vista Way, in Red Bluff. For more information call 527-849, ext. 3018. Antique bottle club The Superior California Antique Bottle Club will hold its 37th annual show and sale on Jan. 26 in the Dom Fusaro Hall at the Shasta District Fairground in Anderson. Doors will be open 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. and dealers will be selling antique bottles, insulators, fruit jars and other collectibles. Educational displaus featuring rare whiskeys, medicines, pickles, old photos and other memorabilia from Shasta Trinity and Siskiyou counties will be on display. The public is cordially invited. Admission is free. Teens drug parents to use 'net ROCKLIN (AP) — Police say two California teenagers used a prescription sleeping medication to spike the milkshakes of too-strict parents so they could log onto the Internet. The parents called police and the 15-year-old Rocklin girl and a 16-year-old friend were taken to Juvenile Hall. Rocklin is 20 miles northeast of Sacramento. The Sacramento Bee reports the girls offered to pick up milkshakes at a fast-food restaurant for the parents of one of the girls on Friday night. The drug was mixed into the shakes and the couple fell asleep. The suspicious parents picked up a drug test kit the following day. The girls told investigators they wanted to use the Internet, which was shut down daily at 10 p.m. as much as possible, the final law required that the IRS update forms and instructions as well as make critical processing system adjustments before it can begin accepting tax returns. The IRS originally planned to open electronic filing this year on Jan. 22; more than 80 percent of taxpayers filed electronically last year. Who Can File Starting Jan. 30? The IRS anticipates that the vast majority of all taxpayers can file starting Jan. 30, regardless of whether they file electronically or on paper. The IRS will be able to accept tax returns affected by the late Alternative Minimum Tax (AMT) patch as well as the three major "extender" provisions for people claiming the state and local sales tax deduction, higher education tuition and fees deduction and educator expenses deduction. Who Can't File Until Later? There are several forms affected by the late legislation that require more extensive programming and testing of IRS systems. The IRS hopes to begin accepting tax returns including these tax forms between late February and into March; a specific date will be announced in the near future. The key forms that require more extensive programming changes include Form 5695 (Residential Energy Credits), Form 4562 (Depreciation and Amortization) and Form 3800 (General Business Credit). A full listing of the forms that won't be accepted until later is available on IRS.gov. As part of this effort, the IRS will be working closely with the tax software industry and tax professional community to minimize delays and ensure as smooth a tax season as possible under the circumstances. Updated information will be posted on IRS.gov. childhood anxiety ety disorders in DEAR DOCadults. As a TOR K: I believe result, many docmy second-grader tors prescribe suffers from anxithese antidepresety. How is anxisants for anxious ety treated in children. children? — CombinaDEAR READtion treatment. ER: Many kids Dr. K Among children have anxiety disby Anthony L. and teens espeorders. There are several different Komaroff, M.D. cially, combining CBT and drug kinds, and most are suffered both by kids therapy is often successand adults, such as gener- ful. You and other family alized anxiety disorder, social phobias, panic dis- members can also help order and post-traumatic your child. For example, stress disorder. Some learn techniques for mananxiety disorders affect aging your child's anxionly children. The prime ety. Provide models of example is separation self-confidence and probanxiety — an extreme lem-solving, and give difficulty being away rewards for overcoming from home or loved ones. fears. Sometimes a family Before your child is diagnosed with an anxi- problem is the source of ety disorder, however, the child's anxiety, or an consider this: Some chil- anxious child may think dren who are anxious he or she is the cause of have good reason to be any trouble in the family. afraid. For example, your In that case, joint family child may be a victim of therapy may be a good abuse by a relative or a idea. Many years ago, a classroom bully. Try to find out if this is the case. patient of mine was havIf your child is ing trouble in his mardiagnosed with an anxi- riage. He and his wife ety disorder, the treat- were very different personalities. With some ment options are: — Cognitive behav- marriages, people of like ioral therapy (CBT). mind find each other. CBT is the best-con- With other marriages, firmed treatment for anx- opposites attract. That was their mariety disorders in children. A common CBT riage. He was meticumethod is called graduat- lous, cautious, a man of ed exposure. In this few words who rarely method, young children expressed emotion. She with phobias, for exam- was a volcano — always ple, are placed near the on the go, talked a blue feared object while doing streak, and emotional something reassuring and every minute of her life enjoyable. Older children except when she was can learn how to use deep asleep. They grew apart. Their 12-year-old breathing or muscle relaxation, or they can be daughter, who had been a taught to talk themselves confident and indepenout of fear-provoking dent child, became fearthoughts. Another tech- ful and insecure. Therapy nique is modeling. This revealed that she blamed involves asking the anx- herself for breaking up ious child to emulate the their marriage. Sessions therapist or another child with her parents finally absolved her of that guilt who shows no fear. — Drug therapy. The — and of her suffocating FDA has not approved anxiety. any drugs for childhood Dr. Komaroff is a anxiety disorders. (The only exception is the use physician and professor of selective serotonin at Harvard Medical To send reuptake inhibitors School. go to (SSRIs) for obsessive- questions, or compulsive disorder.) AskDoctorK.com, But some SSRIs are write: Ask Doctor K, 10 effective and approved Shattuck St., Second Boston, MA for the treatment of anxi- Floor, Report: Top parks officials kept $20M hidden SACRAMENTO (AP) — Officials at the highest levels of the California Department of Parks and Recreation helped keep millions of dollars in money intended for state parks secret for more than a decade, the California attorney general's office said in a report released Friday. The report said the ''intentional non-disclosure'' continued because employees feared the department's budget would be cut if lawmakers found out, and that they would be embarrassed about the years of covering it up. ''Throughout this period of intentional non-disclosure, some parks employees consistently requested, without success, that their superiors address the issue,'' Deputy Attorney General Thomas M. Patton wrote in the report. Parks Director Ruth Coleman, who had been director since 2002, resigned and a senior parks official was fired last summer after $54 million was found hidden in two special funds as up to 70 parks were threatened with closure because of budget cuts. The report said the actual amount intentionally hidden was $20 million, and the remaining $34 million discrepancy was due to differences in the timing of the fund reports to the state finance department and the controller's office. The amount of money kept hidden had grown as high as $29 million in 2003, the report said. No employees were found to have stolen or wrongly spent any of the money, the report said, but senior officials made deliberate decisions not to report the additional funds to the state Department of Finance, which helps the governor establish the state's annual spending plan. Because the state Legislature did not know about the money, which was generated from park fees and rentals, officials had no authority to spend it, making it ''an essentially useless reserve,'' the report said. Coleman has denied knowing about the hidden money. She was the only current or former employee who would not agree to be interviewed by the attorney general's office, the report said. The report is based upon interviews with 40 former and current employees. The report said several senior officials ''were all well aware of the discrepancy.'' It said all indications were that Tom Domich, the department's assistant deputy director of adminis- trative services from 1987 to 2004, likely made the initial decision to keep the money secret, but several successive staffers continued the effort. ''The facts show that former budget officer Becky Brown noticed the growing disparity as early as 1998,'' the report said. By late 2002, ''the budget and accounting officers and their supervisor ... were all aware of the discrepancy. Thereafter, from 2002 to 2012, numerous individuals failed to take appropriate action to ensure the monies were revealed to the DOF.'' The report said Coleman's second-in-command, Michael Harris, was the highest-ranking manager to order the continued secrecy of the funds. He was fired as chief deputy in July 2012 amid the parks scandal and now works at the California Department of Environmental Protection. Parks officials' ability to keep the $20 million in special fund money secret was partly due to accounting discrepancies between the state Department of Finance and the controller's office, which rely on different calculations. A new law signed by Gov. Jerry Brown last year requires the departments to compare their annual reports detailing how much money is in the more than 500 special state funds. At least two budget officials told investigators they reported the hidden money to Domich, but he ''refuses to acknowledge these facts and unpersuasively denies all knowledge of the disparity and his role in the deception,'' the report said. ''Consequently, it also cannot be determined with certainty whether the matter was reported to Ruth Coleman, who became acting director in January 2002 and went on to serve as director until July 2012,'' the report said. Messages left by The Associated Press at telephone listings for two people named Tom Domich and for Coleman were not immediately returned Friday. Coleman's attorney, Malcolm Segal of Sacramento, also did not immediately return a phone message. Harris did not immediately respond to an email message on Friday. Rob Boriskin, who was assistant deputy director of administrative services from February 2005 to April 2006, told investigators that he recalls bringing the matter to Coleman's attention, and she told him to focus on ''the bigger overall pictures and not spending so much time doing spreadsheets.''