Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/62613
FEATURES Dear Annie: Bob and I are both divorced from our previous spouses. His ex- wife was unfaithful, and so was my ex-husband. We fell in love even though we live miles apart. I recently visit- ed him for the second time to talk about our future plans. He wanted me to meet his friends, and I hap- pily agreed. ''Tina'' is a longtime Confused Annie's Mailbox family friend. Bob is godfa- ther to two of her children. She claims to be best friends with Bob's ex-wife. But during dinner, Tina made inappropriate advances toward Bob. He finally confessed that they had a one-night stand when he discovered his wife was cheating. They swore never to speak of their tryst. This happened long before he met me, and Bob says he feels terrible about it. But Tina made sure I knew they had a sexual history. It took every bit of reserve to maintain my composure that evening. woman who sleeps with her best friend's man, I am also unhappy with Bob. He has done everything within his power since then to prove that he loves me and wants a future with me, including marriage, but I cannot get past the fact that he and Tina crossed a boundary and still expect to remain friendly. What kind of man would try to merge his past with his present? — Feeling While I have zero respect for a by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Dear Annie: My daughter is planning a wedding to a great guy, and I am thrilled for her. The prob- lem is, he comes from a very wealthy family. I live in a mobile home. If I'm lucky, I could scratch together $3,000 to put toward their wedding, but that's it. I don't want to use the little Dear Confused: Bob has been honest with you, but as godfather to Tina's children, she will always be in the picture. Do you trust him not to put himself in a com- promising position? That is the sole issue. You cannot change the past. You can only accept it and move for- ward. You and Bob might benefit from premarital counseling. He sounds worth it. Friday, April 20, 2012 – Daily News 5A News of hasty tryst tests woman's trust and punch in the backyard. Tell your daughter you love her very much, and you will be happy to give her $3,000 toward the cost of her wedding. Period. You don't need to apologize or take out a loan. If she wants something more elaborate, it's her problem, not yours. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ''Not Romeo and Juliet,'' who said that many years ago, there was some unspecified rift between her family and her boyfriend's family. Now that she and the boyfriend have reconnected and wish to marry, the families are angry and vehemently against it. The first thing they should do is Practicing safe sex is important at any age TOR K: I'm a sin- gle, post- menopausal woman in my 50s. Do I still need to worry about "safe" sex? DEAR DOC- money I've saved toward my retire- ment. I've already spent a fortune on my dress, the gifts and all the lit- tle extras. So my question is, how do I offer $3,000 and say that is all I have to give toward the actual wedding? Do I need to apologize? Should I take out a loan or borrow from my retirement to save face? This whole thing is keeping me up at night. — The Bride's Mother Dear Mother: Parents should never put themselves in hock in order to pay for a child's wedding. An adult bride and groom should pay for their own nuptials whenever possible, even if that means cake versity, Chico President Paul Zingg and Butte College President Kim- berly Perry jointly announced that the Book in Common for Academ- ic Year 2012-13 will be "Unquenchable," by Robert Glennon. "We are pleased to join together to make this announcement," said Zingg and Perry. "Since the Book in Common became a joint project of our campuses, the City of Chico and County of Butte, we have been gratified at the commu- nity's enthusiastic response to the books and the conversations that these books spark." "Unquenchable" focuses on one of Cali- fornia's most pressing and controversial issues: water. Glennon's highly readable account reveals that water—both its quality and quantity—is May activities for Mount Lassen Chapter, California Native Plant Society are list- ed below. All activities are free and open to the public. More information is avail- able on the chapter website, mountlassen.cnps.org General Meeting, not a problem particular to California, since it affects many other regions of the United States—from Atlanta to Minnesota to Las Vegas. But water is a particular- ly vexing issue in Cali- fornia and in the North State in particular. In many ways, the wise management of water is the most important issue facing communities across the North State. "We hope that this book will encourage an informed, open and rea- soned discussion of how we in California will manage the critically important resource of water. Water is a neces- sity for all life, and if that were not enough, it is also the engine of economic growth across the state. This is most obvious in agriculture, but extends to many other sectors of the economy as well," have their DNA checked. I'd bet there was an affair between two of those parents and the kids are relat- ed. - First-Time Writer from Iowa Dear Iowa: You could be right, although the rift extends to every member of both families. While an affair seems a likely basis for the animosity, we would hope the par- ents would inform the couple if they shared DNA. Instead, they are vague, saying only that they won't attend the wedding. We think the couple deserves to know why. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Book in Common for 2012-2013 announced California State Uni- according to Zingg. "This book fits well with Butte College's emphasis on sustainabil- ity, a commitment shared by Chico State," added Perry. The Book in Common is a shared community read, designed to pro- mote discussion and understanding of impor- tant issues facing the broader community. "The Book in Common is an important means for Chico State to fulfill its missions of commu- nity engagement and serving the public good," according to Zingg. "We feel that 'Unquenchable' will create lively and meaningful conversa- tions and discussions on a topic of central impor- tance to our community," said Perry. The Book in Common is chosen each year by a group of university fac- ulty and staff and com- farming operations of approximately a dozen fam- ilies. Rare Plant Treasure Hunt to the Wurlitzer Unit, Vina Plains Preserve, Satur- day, May 5 We'll look for Tehama Wednesday, May 2, 7:30 p.m., Butte County Library, 1820 Mitchell Ave., Oroville Margit Sands and Mike Hubbartt, Middle Mountain Foundation board members, will present a program on the Sutter Buttes, sharing their perspectives on a unique landscape that has been protected from devel- opment by the ranching and James W. Tysinger, Jr. M.D. Eye Physician & Surgeon Fellow American Academy of Ophthalmology We accept Medical, Medicare & most Insurances Office Hours: Tues-Wed-Thurs 8am-4:30pm Mon & Fri 1pm-4:30pm For Emergencies, After Hours, Week-ends, Call 530-567-5001 345 Hickory St. Red Bluff Tel: (530) 529-4733 Fax: (530) 529-1114 Over 25 years of experience The North State's premier supplier of stoves STOVE JUNCTION Wood Burning Stoves Did you know? We've Got Exempt From No Burn Days! Serving Butte, Glenn & Tehama Counties Tues-Sat 9am-5pm • Closed Sun & Mon 22825 Antelope Blvd., Red Bluff 530-528-2221 • Fax 530-528-2229 www.thestovejunction.com navarretia, Henderson's bentgrass, Sanford's arrow- head and Greene's tuctoria in what may be our only chance to visit the Wurlitzer Unit. Meet at Chico Park & Ride west lot in time to leave by 9:30 a.m. Bring lunch, water, good hiking shoes for uneven ground, sunscreen, insect repellant and money for ride sharing. E-mail Ron for alternate meeting location. rco- ley64@comcast.net Feather Falls Trail, Sun- day, May 13 Meet at Chico Park & Ride west lot at 8 a.m. with lunch, drink, and hiking gear for this strenuous 9 mile roundtrip hike. The flowers should be great with fine displays of azalea, snowdrop bushes, Clarkias and wild ginger. The falls DEAR READ- ER: I'm surprised by how often my patients ask me the same question. "Safe" sex means using what doctors call "barrier protection" — male or female condoms. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. munity members. Past community reads include "The Soloist," by Steve Lopez, "The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind," by William Kamkwamba and the current Book in Com- mon, "Zeitoun," by Dave Eggers. As in past years, Butte College, CSU, Chico, the city and coun- ty have sponsored a vari- ety of events: panel dis- cussions, lectures and other public events, in celebration of the Book in Common. Author vis- its are also part of the Book in Common. The much-celebrated author of "Zeitoun," Dave Eggers, will give a pub- lic talk on May 7 in Lax- son Auditorium. More details about Robert Glennon's visit will be made available later this year. For more information on the Book in Common visit csuchico.edu/bic. should be at their best after the recent rains. E-mail Woody for alternate meet- ing site. woodyelliott@gmail.com Maidu Medicine Walk. Upper Bidwell Park, Sun- day, May 20 Meet at Horseshoe Lake, parking area E at 9 a.m. It is true that menopause brings free- dom from worries about pregnancy (if your doctor is sure you have entered menopause). But menopause doesn't change at all your need to practice safe sex. That's particularly true if you're entering into a new rela- tionship or have multiple sexual partners. Even postmenopausal women need to worry about sexu- ally transmitted infections (STIs). STIs include par- ticularly HIV, herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, the papillo- maviruses that can cause cervical cancer, chancroid (a bacterial infection), hepatitis and trichomonas. That's right: There are a lot of them. STIs can be passed between women and their partners of either sex through vaginal, oral or anal sex. lining vulnerable to devel- oping small tears and scratches, providing places for STIs to enter the body. As a result, using a condom to prevent STIs continues to be important, even after menopause. If you're starting a new relationship, consider the following suggestions. You may have heard them back in your teens or 20s, but they still apply today. First, if there's any chance you might have sex with someone you've just met, carry condoms with you. Don't have sex if your partner refuses to use a condom. immune response declines with age, making it harder to fight off an STI. Male condoms have been studied for many years. There is no doubt that they decrease the risk of transmitting all of the STIs. Some of the STIs — particularly syphilis, chancroid, herpes and papillomavirus — can affect the skin of the geni- tals that is not covered by condoms. So the protec- tion against these infec- tions from condoms is not quite as good as with the other STIs. But still, there is no doubt that male con- doms greatly reduce the risk of STIs. Female condoms also reduce the risk of STIs, although there are fewer studies of their effective- ness than there are with male condoms. Does a woman who has entered menopause really with water and good walk- ing shoes. Call leader Wes for more information, 530- 342-2293 North Fork Feather River, Sunday, May 27 Meet at Chico Park & Ride west lot at 8:30 a.m. with lunch, drink and hiking Second, if you've recently met someone you think you might want to have sex with someday, talk to your potential part- ner about your views on safe sex. It may feel awk- ward, but it's important to discuss the issue of safe sex well before you're about to have sex. Many of my patients get a thorough medical exam, including formal tests for STIs, before they start a new sexual rela- tionship. Sometimes they ask me to write them a let- ter stating that the testing shows that they have no sexually transmissible dis- eases. Once an older male patient, a widower, invited me to his wedding. He said, "You ought to be there, doctor, because there wouldn't be a wed- ding without your letter." Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Native plant society plans a variety of outdoor activities for May Caribou Trail, Upper gear for one of our best flower outings. Hike an easy 3-mile roundtrip trail starting at the historic Cari- bou powerhouse and close- ly following the Feather River. Return to Chico around 5. Call leader for alternate meeting place, Marjorie 343-2397. need to worry about STIs? You sure do. In fact, postmenopausal women are more vulnerable to STIs than younger women. After menopause, the vaginal and cervi- cal tissues get thinner. This makes the vaginal Also, your The