Up & Coming Weekly

March 17, 2015

Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.

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Page 23 of 28

MARCH 18-24, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS The Sociopath of Least Resistance My girlfriend has been hurt, cheated on, and even ripped off in past relationships, and I'm paying the price. If I don't text back immediately, she is convinced I'm dumping her and flips out. If I'm busy, she thinks I'm with another girl or abandoning her. When I do something sweet, she thinks I'm trying to play her. All I want is to have a nice relationship with her. Am I fighting a losing battle, or can a little good from a caring, ethical guy allow a woman to let go of a lot of bad? — Optimist Typically, a woman who's frequently chumped by bad guys is not just their victim; she's her own. Repeat suckerization often comes out of low self-worth. But it almost always comes out of refusing to do the necessary homework — observing a potential partner's behavior over time and seeing whether it matches up with the person they claim to be. Your girlfriend appears to favor a popular shortcut — cannonballing into a relationship and hoping things turn out okay. Until… whoops! He was just helping her best friend fix her sheets, and then the most amazing thing happened — all of his clothes fell off. Considering that your girlfriend probably feels cruelly abandoned whenever you stop talking long enough to sneeze, lead with the reassurance that you love her and want to be with her. Then tell her it hurts your feelings that she doesn't give you credit for who you've shown yourself to be — a loving boyfriend who's given her no reason to believe he'd ever run some scam on her. Explain that for your relationship to make it, you need to see her working on her issues — in a therapist's office and/or with a great reason-based self- help book, Dr. Albert Ellis' A Guide to Rational Living (because her flip-outs are ultimately caused by her failing to apply reason). Gently point out that just because she has a feeling — like jealousy or anxiety — she doesn't have to act on it. Sure, in the moment, it's easy to go straight to crazytown. Avoiding that takes preplanning. She needs to resolve to instead pull out the evidence — the spreadsheets of your prior behavior — and assess the likelihood that what you're "picking up at the store" is actually just milk and not a 5'10" blonde. Give yourself a deadline to see some progress. Not necessarily miraculous change but some indication that she's trying — and that you might someday be greeted with a kiss and a "How was your day?" instead of a gavel and a "How do you plead?" AMY ALKON copyright 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Shooting "upskirt" photos of a 13-year-old girl is not illegal in Oregon, declared Judge Eric Butterfield in February, thus acquitting Patrick Buono, 61, of the crimes of invasion of privacy and "encouraging child sexual abuse." Buono's behavior was "appalling," Judge Butterfield noted, but since the girl was in a public place (a Target store) and no nudity was involved (she wore underpants), the specifics of Oregon statutes were not violated. Said Buono's lawyer, "It's incumbent on us as citizens to cover up whatever we don't want filmed in public places." [The Oregonian, 2-6- 2015] Is This a Great Country, or What? Felons, and those convicted of domestic assault, and those with a history of mental illness, cannot by federal law buy firearms or explosive devices, but Americans on the National Counterterrorism Center's consolidated watch list can — and may possess an unlimited quantity. (In 2013 and 2014, 455 of 486 prospective purchasers on the list passed the background check, and going back to 2004, 2,043 of 2,233, according to a recent Government Accountability Office report.) Legislation to add watch listees as a banned category was introduced again this year, but has failed several times in the past. [New York Times, 2-26-2015; press release of U.S. Sen. Dianne Feinstein, 2-24- 2015] The annual National Basketball Association All-Star game in February provided a windfall for the co-host arena's proprietor, James L. Dolan, whose family owns not only Madison Square Garden but also the NBA's richest franchise (the Knicks), hockey's second-richest (the Rangers), and the New York region's telecom juggernaut Cablevision. Among the government handouts Dolan receives is the 33-year (and counting) exemption from property taxes for the Garden's four square blocks ("among the most valuable (plots of land) on Earth," according to New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio) — a government gift, in 2014 alone, worth $54 million. [New York Times, 2-14-2015] [New York Daily News, 5-29-2014] Chuck Sheppard Copyright 2015 ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 A debate forces you to reconsider some long- held opinions. Use this time to reflect on your point of view and if there is anything you might want to change. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Life gets better and better as the week goes on, Taurus. Expect a few obstacles, but remember there's nothing you cannot tackle, especially when you get some help. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 A situation arises at work that evokes strong emotions among your coworkers. Stay neutral on the issue until you have had enough time to gather more information. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 A recently started relationship is going great, Cancer. Now might be a great time to take the next step with your special someone. Expect this person to share your feelings. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 A rush of adrenaline this week will help you sail through any projects that need completion, Leo. Take a break every now and then so you don't burn out. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you and a superior at work are seeing eye-to-eye this week. This could mark the beginnings of a great partnership, so continue to work hard. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you will sort out a complex problem in due time. Don't let any initial struggles to find a solution keep you down. Continue to focus on the bigger picture. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, use this week to address an unresolved issue. Tackle every project thrown your way head-on and with vigor. Others will notice your efforts. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, try not to over-think things this week. Sometimes the simplest solution to a problem is the best solution. Keep this in mind at the office. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, a distraction this week proves so fascinating that you neglect other responsibilities. While you may like a challenge, don't let it consume your life. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 You yearn for privacy this week, Aquarius. Make the most of any opportunity to seek out a quiet corner and spend some time deep in reflection and thought. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Chores are completely unappealing this week, Pisces. But they must get done one way or another. Delegate some tasks. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard

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