Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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6 AUGUST 13-19, 2014 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Summer time and the frogs are croaking. I got to thinking about frogs after a recent visit to beautiful Walnut Knob, Va., where my very own personal wife has a cabin by a pond. Each night there, the bull frogs provide a vigorous concert in which each frog tries to out sing the other frogs in a mating ritual. It is quite spectacular. When froggy goes a' courting, it's an arpeggio to ponder. Each Froggy puts on his best basso profundo voice and lets her rip. The hills are alive with the sound of froggy music. You may remember the lyrics of Froggy Went A- Courtin' in which Froggy heads out with a sword and pistol by his side to ask for Molly Mouse's paw in marriage. Molly refuses to marry Froggy unless her Uncle Rat consents to the union. It is a beautiful song. If I could speak frog, I am sure that's what the frogs are singing about. This got me to wondering why there are no great songs about toads. Toads are the red headed step cousins of frogs. Toads are generally unloved and unsung. Right now you are probably asking yourself what is the greatest song never written about toads? The answer to that musical question is a lot easier than getting the Shiites and Sunnis to link arms and sing Kumbaya. The greatest song never written about toads begins: "Buffalo toads won't you come out tonight?/Come out tonight/Come out tonight/Buffalo toads won't you come out tonight and dance by the side of the pond?" You may recall our old friend the Buffalo Toad, (Bufo marinus) who is one big honking toad. Bufo is a giant among toads. A prince of the pond. He is the apex of the amphibian food chain. Bufo can be the size of a dinner plate — about 9 inches long. No one but some dead dogs know if Buffalo Toad legs taste like chicken. Bufo is one poisonous toad, much like Vladmir Putin. Bufo hopped into the USA courtesy of the University of Florida back in the 1930s. Like a lot of new ideas, importing giant poisonous toads from Puerto Rico to eat native Florida pests did not turn out not quite as well as the Toad Scientists planned. Bufo and pals loved Florida. They are giant toads who loved too much. They have lived long and prospered expanding throughout Florida. Similar to Klin- gons in appearance, Buffalo Toads are a prominent on the beauty impaired list. A Bufo has a pretty cool talent. In addition to being a really big frog in a re- ally kooky state, Bufo can aim and shoot poison out of his back. Not just any poison, he can shoot Bufo Toxin at people and critters he doesn't like. If you see a Bufo coming you better step aside. A lot of dogs didn't and a lot of dogs died. A dog who has mistaken a Bufo as a tasty snack can die from chomping on Buffalo Toads after getting a mouthful of toad venom. If a Bufo squirts a human with toxic toad juice that human is going to have a bad day. One might question the thought processes of the Toad Scientists who imported a venomous toad into Florida. Didn't the state have enough issues with hurricanes, Miami, and ultimately hanging chads without bringing in venomous toads? Apparently not. Next time you see a Toad Scientist ask him how importing Buffalo Toads has worked out. He will scowl at you and mumble something about the Ukraine to change the subject. However let us not close on a down note, return with us now to the thrilling days of yesteryear when concrete froggies sat under um- brellas in yards across the South. There is little more tasteful and amusing that seeing a concrete froggy wearing sun glasses sitting under an umbrella with his lady love enjoying a cool glass of ice tea. It seems that the Declaration of Independence did not address the actual spe- cies differences between frogs and toads. Not all amphibians are created equal. As pointed out in Orwell's Animal Farm, all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. Frogs are better than toads. Freckles are better than warts. Cute is better than ugly. Continence is better than incontinence. More is better than less, except in the world of art. If you feel froggy, jump. Otherwise stay away from Buffalo Toads cause they are coming out tonight. PITT DICKEY, , Contributing Writer, COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. The Long and Winding Toad by PITT DICKEY To Register for FREE Seminar Call (910) 484-2284 Ext. 273 or register online at www.CapeFearEye.com Refreshments will be served! www.CapeFearEye.com 1726 Metro Medical Drive Fayetteville, NC 28304 Register for a FREE procedure iLASIK Seminar September 18 th , 2014 7:00 to 8:00 pm The first Laser Vision Correction approved by ALL branches of the U.S. Military and NASA One lucky individual will win a FREE iLASIK procedure *MUST BE PRESENT TO WIN! 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