The O-town Scene

Summer is here and that can mean only one thing: road trip. So after the annual cleaning of the mi- crowave, Spouse, Boy and I will be in New Mexico because, as Americans, we de- cided that Old Mexico was starting to look a little worn and that a shiny, New Mexico would make us happy. (Also, according to guidebooks, fried bread with honey is sold out of trucks alongside the highway throughout the state.) Of course, there's nothing Spouse likes more than having me tell him how to drive except, maybe, when I tell him how to breathe. He's just so loud and annoying with the constant breathing in and out and such that even the best planned road trip can become a little tiresome. Especially on those long stretches of road where there's no fry bread. It's these times, when tempers are flaring, that you need some low tech car games (updated with today's modern family in mind) to make waiting for the tow truck fun! That's right, fun! Let's play "Rejected Candle Scents." Feel free to add to this list as we've pro- vided a few starters: Bad Milk, Broken Septic, Burnt Toast, David Lee Roth (circa 1980), Egg Farm, Electrical Fire, Exploring The Catacombs, Fear, Feline Essence, Fryer Grease, Grandma's Purse, Humid Day Jog, Keith Richards (circa anytime), Monkey Cage, Motel Carpet, Refrigerator Drawer Juice, Running With The Bulls, Second Grade, Stomach Bug, Teenage Boy (like "Fear" but with a hint of contempt) and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. Another fun game is "GPS Voice." In this game, one player lists a "bad voice" while the competitor must counter with a "good" voice as a judge determines who scores a point. A typical round goes like this: Alec Baldwin-good/Leonard Cohen-bad. Point, Baldwin. Sarah Palin-bad/catfight, leaf blower or jackhammer- good. Point, oh please. Samuel L. Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Drake, the narrator from "Call the Mid- wife," Mick Jagger, Liza Minnelli, the cast of "Fargo," Tony Bennett, Sam Cooke, Van Morrison, Hank Hill and Morgan Freeman are all good. Bad voices include: Barry Gibb, Celtic Women, Chris Rock, Woody Allen, Sofia Vergara, Harvey Fierstein, Fox News host Megyn Kelly, Tom Waits, Gar- rison Keillor, Mitch McConnell and Maya Angelou, which is weird because Maya Angelou and Morgan Freeman sound very similar. Really, it's about attitude. While Mr. Freeman would genuinely care about getting me to my destination, I believe that Ms. Angelou would be more interested in the journey, and this is my vacation — I need to hurry up and relax. Also, if you live in or are traveling to the Northeast, be sure to play "Vermont Bingo!" The first person to spot five of the following wins: Teva sandals, a dog with a bandana, a person with a bandana or a person with a bandana with a dog with a bandana (counts as one), tie dye, a white church with steeple, a white person with dreadlocks, an artist collective, a health food store or co-op, kale, "Free Tibet" or "13.1" bumper stickers, a bike lane, maple syrup or cargo shorts. (P.S.: what's with all the men and their cargo pockets? Really, if you have that many fiddleheads or non-GMO granola bars to carry around, why not just wear full-length pants, carry a manbag and, you know, try a little?) If all else fails, put Bob Dylan's "Tangled Up In Blue" on permanent repeat and have fun listening to everyone try to keep up. Eventually, the sing-a-long degener- ates into: "la, la, la, la, point of view, dum, dum, tangled up in BLUUUUUUUEEEE" at which point, if you're lucky, you'll meet another fry bread truck and all noise will cease for the duration of one (or more) servings. Question: are there two more glori- ous words that have ever been placed together than "fry" and "bread?" Answer: Maybe. "You're" and "right" are often heard together around here (by me) although recent changes in family communication policy (also by me) have suggested that, in order to be completely accurate, "you're right" should be fol- lowed with "again" and that, technically, makes three words. So, no. We're going to say no. "Fry" and "bread" are officially the two best words of Summer 2014. Followed by the second best words of late summer: "school" and "starts." Renee Nied writes about parenting, food, David Lynch and other important subjects from her home in Schoharie County at freshairand sarcasm.com. The Fry Bread Beckons A5 August 7, 2014 O-Town Scene 5 Fresh Air & Sarcasm By Renee Nied Another fun game is "GPS Voice." In this game, one player lists a "bad voice" while the competitor must counter with a "good" voice as a judge determines who scores a point. -AIN3TREET/NEONTAp -ON3ATp4HURSUNTILPM 3TERLINGSILVERCHARMSFROM &/,,/74(%3)'.3 .EW#OLLECTIONFROM0!.$/2! -AKEASTATEMENTWITH0!.$/2!SNEWSYMBOLICCHARMSANDBRACELETS %XPRESSANIDEABELIEFORSPECIALMOMENTINYOURLIFEWITHOUTUTTERING ASINGLEWORD/NEBYONEEACHPIECEISMADEOFSTERLINGSILVERORROSE GOLDANDSPARKLESWITHCAREFULLYSETCUBICZIRCONIAS 279994

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