Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/311589
MAY 14-20, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Bad Harem Day I'm 30, and I've been married to my sweet, beautiful wife for three years. I am a bartender at a club and have numerous opportunities to cheat dangled in front of me. After coming close on several occasions, I finally told my wife I wasn't happy, and we separated three months ago as a prelude to divorcing. I moved in with a friend and started taking advantage of my new single life. However, it's already getting old. I miss my wife and her intelligence and our connection. How do I start the conversation with her about getting back together? — Screwed Up Here in the real world, a monogamous relationship demands trade-offs, and the biggie is giving up hot sex for love and constancy. Even couples who keep having sex almost never have it as hot (or as regularly) as they did at the start. Part of the problem is the way we view monogamy — as the inevitable next step after falling in love. It's just assumed that a couple will be sexually faithful for a lifetime; there's typically no discussion of how, exactly, they'll accomplish that or whether they even can. Of course, for many people — women especially — there is no acceptable alternative to monogamy. Also, many people mistakenly believe that a happy and loving marriage is a magical fidelity wand that wards off the temptation to wander. Infidelity researcher Shirley Glass, in "Not 'Just Friends,'" calls this a "misconception … not supported by any research," though it is commonly cited on TV and in self-help books as a way to "affair-proof your marriage." Additionally, some people seem to have a biological and psychological profile that makes them more prone to long for the sexual variety pack. One factor in this is being high in what psychologist Marvin Zuckerman calls "sensation seeking" — craving novel, varied and intense sensations and experiences and being willing to take risks to get them. Sure, you miss your wife now, but if you get her back, will you start pining for the parade of bar floozies? Testosterone does decline significantly with age, as does sensation seeking, so you may find monogamy more doable at 40 than you do at 30. Assuming your wife, like most women, requires monogamy, what you owe her is honesty about the trouble you have with it so she can decide whether she's willing to put herself in harm's way. If you do get back together, talk about what you (each) need to do to avoid temptation (like, for you, maybe finding a job where you aren't surrounded by hot drunk girls flashing you their thong for free drinks). WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 No matter how challenging it may be, slow down and give yourself time to reflect, Aries. You're always on the go, but it's important to slow down every now and then. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, steer clear of added responsibilities this week, as you already have enough on your plate. Some alone time might be worth its weight in gold. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 You're not easily overwhelmed by intense people or things, Gemini. Use this resilience to sail through a particularly challenging task that gets sent your way this week. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 There is no need to figure out all of the answers in the next few days, Cancer. If something is on your mind, then take your time to weigh all of your options. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 It could be challenging to be playful and lighthearted this week, Leo. Take every situation seriously and give ample thought to each and every decision you must make. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Make the best of a delicate situation at work, Virgo. Although you may not be ready for more responsibility, your reaction will be noticed by your bosses. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, hold tight to your beliefs this week and don't let anyone sway your opinion. You will serve as an example to others who bend whichever way the wind blows. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, you may not have all of the solutions, but rest assured that you have been moving in the right direction. An interesting conversation illuminates the situation. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 You have gained a new sense of purpose, Sagittarius, and you're ready to put some of your plan into action. Expect a few raised eyebrows, but most people will be receptive. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, you are ready for a well-deserved vacation or retreat. But you cannot run away from your responsibilities this week. Just hold out a little longer. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Your finances seem to be a constant source of aggravation, Aquarius. This week you are ready to take care of business and hammer out a foolproof budget. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, your energy level will be quite high, making it vital for you to do something productive before your stamina slows down. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Compelling Explanations Drunk Logic: Wendy Simpson, 25, explaining her DUI arrest during a March incident in Huddersfield, England, pointed out that she had just minutes earlier walked to a McDonald's for a late-night meal because she knew she was too inebriated to drive. However, the dining room was closed, and she was refused service at the drive-thru window because she was on foot, and, she said, the only option left for her was to go home, get her car and return to the drive-thru. On the way back, she was arrested. [Daily Mail (London), 3-20- 2014] Efren Carrillo, a member of the board of supervisors of California's Sonoma County, was charged with misdemeanor "peeking" last year in Santa Rosa after he, returning home from a club late at night, saw his female neighbor's light on and decided to drop in on her (though he did not even know her name). He had knocked at her back patio door, carrying beers, but was dressed awkwardly, leading the woman to call 911. "In retrospect," the county supervisor told police afterward, "I should have had my pants on" (instead of just his socks and underwear). (His trial was underway at press time.) [Press and Democrat, 4-18-2014] Among the arguments offered in March by Darrious Mathis' lawyers for his jury trial in Cobb County, Georgia, (for assault, kidnapping and carjacking) was the assertion that Mathis needed no force in order to have sex with the female victim on the night in question — because Mathis is such a good-looking man. (However, the jury was not so dazzled and convicted him on all charges.) [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 3-25-2014] Ironies England's Stockport magistrates' court levied the equivalent of a $13,000 fine in March against Lorraine White, 41, who runs a part-time service as a dominatrix (chaining up and whipping "bad" men) in a "sex dungeon." Her business is apparently perfectly legal; the citation was for violating fire codes because inspectors could not see how a client, being properly disciplined (handcuffed and chained), might escape the dungeon in the event of fire. [Manchester Evening News, 3-13- 2014] Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard