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2B – Daily News – Wednesday, December 29, 2010 FEATURES Bride bothered by beligerant bully Alzheimer’s a Dear Annie: My mother passed away two years ago. She had been with ‘‘Biff’’ for about 13 years. Biff is a jerk. Most of the family dis- continued all contact with my mother because no one could stand him. I tolerated him, but he made me uncomfortable. When I was a teenager, he made sexual comments to me, and I moved out of the house as soon as I could. He was also verbally abusive of my younger brother. Biff only behaved this way when Mom was at work, and when we told her, she did noth- ing. will erupt if I ask him to back off. How do I handle this mess? Is it possible to get rid of this man without any major blowup? — Fright- ened Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar I am now 32, and even though my mother is gone, Biff is deter- mined to stay in my life. He refers to my 3-year-old as his ‘‘grand- daughter.’’ He visits us at my work, where my daughter is in a daycare program. My husband and I are expecting our second baby soon, and there is no reason for Biff to consider himself related in any way to this child. My daughter will be starting a preschool program soon. When I told Biff, he said he would come to my house to see her. Annie, I do not want him coming into my home. I need a way to tell Biff that there is no longer a reason for him to hang around. He has a grown daughter and two grandchildren of his own. He makes no effort to push himself on them — only me. Biff is verbally violent, and I am afraid he Dear Frightened: Biff has been your stepfather for 13 years and believes he is part of your family. Set some boundaries, and main- tain your distance. Insist he call before coming over. Try to arrange meetings at neu- tral places, such as playgrounds or the zoo, and when your husband can be with you. Keep the visits brief, and gradually let them become less frequent. If he yells, leave. If his verbal abuse becomes physical, call the police. Dear Annie: My husband’s childhood friend, who is almost 50, is getting married for the first time, and the wedding is in the Bahamas. Traveling to the wedding and stay- ing at the resort is a great expense. Do we still need to give a gift? Money is tight, and since we don’t often see this friend, I think what he truly wants is our support and pres- ence. Still, it feels strange not giv- ing something. Would it be OK for several of his friends to each contribute a small amount and combine it into one gift card the newlyweds could use to purchase one big gift they would enjoy? What is the correct thing to do? — Bewildered with the Bahamas Dear Bewildered: A gift is expected, but should be something you can afford. A combined gift card is fine. So is a bottle of wine. But do make sure there is a card with your good wishes. Dear Annie: I’m a 21-year-old woman, and I go commando, just like the daughter of ‘‘Worried Mom of Britney Spears Wannabe.’’ Many of my friends also go commando, but none of us uses tampons. If our ‘‘natural secretions’’ can be washed out of our panties, they can also be washed out of our jeans. Most pants are thick enough that staining is not noticeable on the outside. Why on earth would any sane woman want to wear a tampon when she doesn’t have to? It puts them at risk for infections and toxic shock syndrome, as well as discom- fort that is simply not necessary. — Commando Girl from New York Dear N.Y.: We were surprised at the number of women (of all ages) who like to go commando. We find it less hygienic than wearing panties, and we prefer not to wash our jeans every day. But to each her own. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Hawaii’s governor to reveal Obama birth info HONOLULU (AP) — Democratic Gov. Neil Abercrombie wants to find a way to release more infor- mation about President Barack Obama’s Hawaii birth and dispel conspiracy theories that he was born elsewhere. Abercrombie was a friend of Obama’s parents and knew him as a child, and is deeply troubled by the effort to cast doubt on the president’s citizenship. The newly elected gov- ernor will ask the state attorney general’s office and health officials about how he can make public more of Obama’s birth doc- umentation from Aug. 4, 1961, spokeswoman Dona- lyn Dela Cruz said Tues- day. ‘‘He had a friendship with Mr. Obama’s parents, and so there is a personal issue at hand,’’ Dela Cruz said. ‘‘Is it going to be done immediately? No, the first thing on our list is the econ- omy.’’ It’s unclear what Aber- crombie could do because Hawaii’s privacy laws have long barred the release of a certified birth certificate to anyone who doesn’t have a tangible interest. Hawaii’s health director said last year and in 2008 that she had seen and veri- fied Obama’s original vital ‘What bothers me is that some people who should know better are trying to use this for political reasons. Maybe I’m the only one in the country that could look you right in the eye right now and tell you, ‘I was here when that baby was born’’ Hawaii Gov. Neil Abercrombie records, and birth notices in two Honolulu newspapers were published within days of Obama’s birth at Kapi- olani Maternity and Gyne- cological Hospital in Hon- olulu. So-called ‘‘birthers’’ claim Obama is ineligible to be president because they say there’s no proof he was born in the United States, with many of the skeptics questioning whether he was actually born in Kenya, his father’s home country. ‘‘What bothers me is that some people who should know better are try- ing to use this for political reasons,’’ Abercrombie told the Los Angeles Times last week. ‘‘Maybe I’m the only one in the country that could look you right in the eye right now and tell you, ’I was here when that baby was born.’’’ Abercrombie was unavailable for additional comment Tuesday because he was vacationing on Maui, Dela Cruz said. The Obama campaign issued a certificate of live birth in 2008, an official document from the state showing the president’s birth date, city and name, along with his parents’ names and races. The cer- tificate doesn’t list the name of the hospital where he was born or the physician who delivered him, infor- mation collected by the state as part of its vital records. Abercrombie, originally from New York, befriended Obama’s parents at the Uni- versity of Hawaii after he moved here in 1959, the same year the islands became a state. Abercrombie, 72, has said he remembers seeing Obama as a child with his parents at social events, although he acknowledged that he didn’t see his par- ents with their newborn son at the hospital. The number of requests for Obama’s birth informa- tion increased this month as the Obama family prepared to vacation in Hawaii. The Department of Health had received 27 requests for the president’s birth information this month as of last Thursday, up from 16 in November, said spokeswoman Janice Okubo. Information requests rose despite a new state law allowing officials to ignore persistent and repetitive inquiries, a law that has been used about six times by the department, Okubo said. ‘‘It’s just a few people, and some of their requests are the same,’’ she said. ‘‘The requests fluctuate from month to month.’’ Nearly all birth certifi- cate information seekers are from the mainland Unit- ed States, with requests rarely coming from Hawaii residents, said Cathy Takase, acting director for the state Office of Informa- tion Practices. GOTT: I have an average of three dreams nightly, some of which are upsetting. This started after my wife passed away. I dream about her a lot, but there are many other dreams such as losing my way and trying to get back home, worrying about my family worrying about me, losing my billfold, car being stolen, coming out of church and can’t find the car, church happenings and many other miscella- neous things. I sometimes wonder if this is the door- way to Alzheimer’s. I’m 90 years old and a World War II veteran. I don’t think my problem is nor- mal, but my doctor can’t help me so I will have to rely on you. concern for the aged DEAR DR. Dr. Peter Gott street or will for- get which house to enter once he gets there. Rapid mood swings can also occur with a patient in control one minute and reduced to tears the next. You may be problem-solving during sleep. You may be hitting on fears such as losing things, or the burden you fear you may ultimately place on family members. Prior to this, you always had your wife around to talk things over with. You were able to reach conclusions together. You became part of your wife’s sup- port system, as she was part of yours. She’s no longer with you, and this has created an enormous void. DEAR READER: The gradual loss of brain cells causes Alzheimer’s. As we age, we tend to take longer to think things out, yet learning, memory skills, intelligence, judg- ment and organizational skills should remain intact. Once these skills diminish, when there is trouble with long- and short-term memory loss, remembering names and finding appropriate words, it may be an indi- cation of early Alzheimer’s. The warning signs of the disorder include loss of memory, difficulties with abstract thinking, disorientation to time and place, problems perform- ing familiar tasks, absent judgment, loss of initia- tive, misplacing things, changes in personality and an inability to find the right word during conversation. Reviewing this list, I think we all fall prey to the outline. How- ever, let’s look deeper before making any final decisions. Absent judg- ment in an Alzheimer’s patient might cause a per- son to dress without regard to weather, wear- ing multiple layers of warm clothing in the summertime when it is hot outside, or dressing in light clothing when it’s cold. We all misplace things. The Alzheimer’s patient will put an article of clothing or jewelry away carefully — but in places such as the refrig- erator or pantry. We can get lost easily when dri- ving out of a parking lot, but the Alzheimer’s patient will become con- fused while on his own There is no single test for diagnosis. Your physi- cian might consider med- ical history, mental-status evaluation, physical examination, brain scan, blood and urine tests and more. You appear to be relatively active and func- tioning well. As such, I must withhold an opinion on Alzheimer’s. If you exhibit any signs you haven’t mentioned, you might choose to be tested. Early detection is impor- tant. Treatment and new advances through research are available. I sympathize with you and the millions of Americans that are going through the same issues. It’s heart- breaking and downright scary, but you appear to have a good grip on life. Stay active. Keep abreast of new events. Hang on tight and, above all, keep smiling. To provide related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Alzheimer’s Dis- ease.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order made payable to Newsletter and mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092- 0167. Be sure to mention the title. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. 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