Desert Messenger

December 15, 2021 www.DesertMessenger.com 23 Read Desert Messenger online! Sign up for free email alerts when the Desert Messenger becomes available online! Join thousands reading the paper online at: www.DesertMessengerOnline.com T��� ����� ������� �� D����� M�������� Christmas thoughts By Jackie Deal Amber would look so beautiful in a Christmas outfi t of red and green. With her shiny black and white tux- edo that would be just smashing… but Amber I'm sure would have nothing to do with that! She doesn't like anything confi ning—like a vest to wear outside with a leash. Heav- ens no! What do you suppose she'd think of a Christmas tree? I remember one Christmas, long ago, when my daughter's cat was fascinated by our Christmas tree. We had a sunken den with a ceiling about two stories high and a balcony running around one end of it. Our Christmas tree was tall enough to reach from the fl oor clear up to the balcony. Sure made putting the star on top a lot easier. "Cat", I don't remember it's name (or gender), spent a long time inves- tigating the tree through the railing of the balcony. She (or he) tentative- ly reached out a paw and depressed a limb. Several times. It sunk down. Puzzled, she pulled back and contemplated some more. Then in a burst of bravery, or insanity, she stepped boldly out onto the branch. It gave way. And she plunged the full length of the tree, through the ornaments and ropes down to the fl oor. Ornaments hailed down af- ter her and ended up in teeny bits scattered around. Scared half out of her tiny mind, she dashed away and hid. Now Amber, of course, would not be so dumb, right? She spends hours trying to pick up a thread from the rug. And yes, she still fi ghts the aliens hiding under the rug daily. When she wants her special "gra- vy lovers" food does she meow or thump the empty dish? No, she sits with her back to me plaintively staring into the empty bowl. What a pathetic sight, that humped shiny black back and those black ears perked over the empty bowl. And you know what? Miraculously, food appears. How can I resist? This will be our fi rst Christmas and I am thankful for her. I no longer have to talk to myself in an empty house. She loves me—on her terms. But those are pretty good terms. She condescends to "come-come" and "sit" on my lap in order to get her treats. Well, most of the time. It is hilarious to watch her hump her back, ruffl e her hair and try to get treats without sitting. I look at her and I wonder. Why do I love her so? Why do any of you love your pets? They don't "toil or spin" for you. They end up cost- ing a lot of money (witness the toys she ignores in favor of a bottle cap). They're frequently under foot. And independence is their middle name. But we love them. We marvel at their beauty. We get a little thrill whenever they "bunt" their head against us and rub their faces on us. Now you dog lovers; it's different, isn't it? Dogs give unconditional love, strive to please and in gen- eral think you're the greatest. And you love them just as much as we cat people love our pets. Perhaps there's something genetic: we hu- mans need animals as much or maybe more than they need us. By Ruby Bonham It seems like the whole world resonates with the sound and feel of grieving. It has been nearly two years since the beginning of the "great pandemic" and we are still losing loved ones at an alarming rate. Add to that the number of people dieing of old age and other illnesses. Sometimes it seems like our fl ags are in a perpetual state of half mast. We live in a new world of partial or full isolation and our grief seems insurmountable. How do we move forward in a world that no longer holds the ones we held dear? Grief. The dictionary defi nes grief as the response to the loss of some- one or some living thing that has died, to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiri- tual and philosophical dimensions. Grief is like a fi ngerprint – no two people grieve the same or for the same length of time. Grief counselors and psychologists state that there are seven stages of grief: shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depres- sion, and acceptance/hope. Again no two people are the same. You may be moving forward only to wake up one day to fi nd you have regressed to an earlier stage. That is normal! Death of a spouse is one of the hardest to deal with and when that spouse is a soulmate it is devas- tating. Professionals have docu- mented and attest that soulmates are legitimate. When a soulmate dies it is like a part of you has been ripped away and the grieving process may be long lasting. When you lose your spouse you have to learn how to live as a single instead of a half. Not only are you grieving the loss of your mate, you are now faced with a new social and fi nan- cial standing. Where do you fi t in in the new scheme of things? You will fi nd that some people are very understanding and compas- sionate while other who may have moved on sooner, think you should just suck it up and move on too. Ignore them! You will move on at your own rate. There are no rights and wrongs. Talk to friends, join a support group or write your feel- ings down. There are books and in- ternet blogs with good information and support. You are not alone. Eventually you will accept and fi nd your place in your new world. You will never stop missing your loved one but you will learn to focus more on the beautiful memories the two of you made together. If you know someone who is griev- ing, be kind, listen to them no matter how many times they need to talk. Your support can make a difference. Your caring will be greatly appreciated Grief

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