Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM DECEMBER 15-21, 2021 UCW 7 Today Mr. Science pon- ders some of the mysteries of the universe to explain them in 25 words or less. Or maybe more. Some myster- ies are more profound than others. Climb on board to take a look at things through a glass darkly. First Mystery: What are the actual lyrics to "Louie, Louie," the favorite song of teenage boys in the late 1960s? Louie first embedded himself into the conscious- ness of American youth in the version that the rock group the Kingsmen sang in 1963. Louie was written by Richard Berry way back in 1957. e song is about a Jamaican sailor who is pining for the girl he left behind. e soundtrack on the Kingsmen's version is mumbled, challenging to understand, and open to various misinter- pretations. Teenagers in the 1960s, to put it mildly, chose to believe the lyrics were a bit off-color. Upon learning what the teenag- ers thought the lyrics were, adults freaked out at what those wild and crazy teens were singing. When teenagers knew their parents thought the song obscene, this led to an exponential increase in its popularity. e secret words in Louie were passed back and forth among high school students across the fruited plains. Concurrently with Louie's popularity, Ray Charles's song "Shake Your Tailfeather" enjoyed the same reputation for containing dirty lyrics. I personally witnessed classmates trading the secret lyrics of Tailfea- ther for the secret lyrics of Louie. e popularity of Louie led to an actual FBI investigation to determine if the Kings- men were corrupting the morals of America's youth. e thought of middle-aged white Brylcreamed FBI agents wearing white shirts with skinny black ties having to listen to the repeated playing of "Louie, Louie" to determine if it was obscene gives me great comfort. For a while, radio stations refused to play Louie while he was under federal investigation. After a lengthy probe, the FBI concluded that "Louie, Louie" was not crimi- nal, or at least the words could not be under- stood well enough to prove a crime beyond a reasonable doubt. Once Louie's name was cleared, he went on to play at the University of Washington Huskey's football games for decades. International "Louie, Louie" day is celebrated on April 11 each year. As to actual lyrics, no one really knows. As stated at the end of many 1950's horror movies – "ere are some things that man should not know." Second Mystery: Why did Timmy keep falling into a well on the TV show "Lassie"? Was he a clumsy child? Did his parents Ruth and Paul Martin, tire of his weekly misad- ventures? Did they throw Timmy into a well only to be thwarted by Lassie repeatedly retrieving Timmy from a watery death? Did Timmy keep jumping into wells in a desperate cry for attention from his bickering parents, who were focused on ending their shell of a marriage in divorce? After Ruth left the farm, Timmy and Lassie, why did she change her name to Mau- reen Robinson and end up Lost in Space with the evil Dr. Zachary Smith? Once again, there is no definite answer. However, posing questions is the first step to enlightenment. ird Mystery: Where do the lost socks go? What do they do when they get there? It is commonplace to put an even number of socks into the washing machine only to find that you now have an uneven number of socks after the spin cycle has ceased. Should you take it personally when your socks disappear one by one? Are the socks trying to tell you something? Do you have foot odor so intense that your socks commit sockicide in the dryer? Do you need Odor Eaters Expanded Fit Insoles? Are your feet so sweaty that a mere Odor Eater Insole will not stop the smell? Do you need to go hardcore and use Odor Eater Foot Powder, Odor Eater Charcoal Foot Scrub, and Odor Eater Stink Stopper for Kids and Teens? What will you do to stop the silent tragedy of lost sock syndrome in its tracks? It's up to you. Aren't you glad you use Odor Eaters? Don't you wish everybody did? e sock you save may be your own. Fourth Mystery: How did this writer's Mom predict the Coronavirus more than 20 years ago? In an amazing example of mother's Christmas precognition, while decorating our Christmas tree this year, we found a COVID-19 ornament that my sainted mother made decades ago. A picture of this orna- ment adorns this column. It is the spitting image of the Coronavirus with the addition of a tail. e tail clearly anticipates a variety of the 'Rona that has not yet been discovered. It seems likely that the ornament represents the Upsilon variant of the Coronavirus, which is currently lurking in the lungs of some unvaxxed true believer. e mystery is how did Mom know way back in the 20th Century that the 'Rona was coming? e only answer can be that moms know everything. If you still have a mom, give her a hug. She sees you when you're sleeping. She knows when you're awake. She knows if you've been bad or good. But she loves you anyway. Merry Christmas. OPINION Where do the lost socks go? by PITT DICKEY PITT DICKEY Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910-484-6200 FREE HEALTH CARE • for Eligible uninsured Adults call 910.485.0555 Photo courtesy of Pitt Dickey.