Desert Messenger

8 www.DesertMessenger.com January 15, 2020 Diary of a reluctant ukulele student II By Jackie Deal The ukulele: the Hawaiians think it makes music. But then the Hawai- ians think that the Hula is a dance that tells stories with the hands. The hands, mind you. Did you ever watch a man, watching a Hula danc- er? It ain't the hands he's watching! "Can't play the uke with long fi n- gernails. Gotta cut your fi nger nails," said my friend. I did. Another friend looked at my shorn nails and said, "They're not short enough.... Gotta cut 'em some more." I'm not sure what I'll run out of fi rst: fi n- gernails or friends. Baby (that's what I've named my ukulele) doesn't like me. I beg, plead, cry, scold, even cuss. Ever try to domesticate a feral cat? Come to think of it, that's what it sounds like! Could it be because my fi ngers slop over from one of those little wires to the next? The uke has only four strings; I watch people playing an eight or even a twelve string guitar and I marvel at them. Some of them have fi ngers a lot fatter than mine. Maybe we should get a divorce. Baby and me. We've resided together for several weeks now, in ukulele- time that's probably too long for an annulment. But what should I do with the poor thing? It's too cold to throw it out. If I let it hang around, pretty soon it will be too hot. I can't bear to think of it all warped and cracked and the strings all lollygagged. On the other hand, better it than me! That brings up another prob- lem. "It" sounds so impersonal, and there's nothing impersonal about the way I feel. You see, I'm not sure if Baby is a he or a she. And in this day of political (and sexual) correctness one must be careful! He/she or him/ her? And don't tell me to look. I don't know where to look! It's not as tho I was brought up on a farm; I wasn't. I'm wondering if Baby might be a bit out of tune? It's been almost a month and she's never been tuned (I don't know how!) In the olden days you'd see the guitar players tuning their instruments by ear. Now they use a little electronic gismo. I won- der if that would tune up those of us who are getting a bit senile? Just think: attach it to an appendage and in a second you'd be tuned up. That would be worth a fortune. I have come to one conclusion: good friends don't let friends try to learn to play the ukulele.

• Cover