Up & Coming Weekly

NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD A new sports center in Mexico City will be devoted to the revival of ancient Aztec- and Mayan-created games that are rarely played in Mexico because they are dangerous, including a fi eld-hockey- like competition played with a fi reball. In another game, “pelota mixteca,” players wearing metal-knuckled leather gloves punch a 2-pound, hard-rubber ball that could knock opponents unconscious. One thrill of the fl aming-ball game, “pelota purepecha,” is that some play it at night on unlighted fi elds. (In Mayan culture, according to a March USA Today dispatch, the world began with the gods challenging two humans to a ball game, and beating them, at which point the two die and are resurrected as the sun and moon.) [USA Today, 3-29-10] Democracy in Action Felon-Candidates: John White, now running for sheriff in Roundup, Mont., will be unable to carry a gun if he wins because of a long-ago bank robbery conviction. [Billings Gazette, 3-19-10] Convicted felons might be running against each other if they win their primaries in May for county judge-executive in Hindman, Ky. Democrat Donnie Newsome and Republican Randy Thompson were both convicted of election fraud (though Thompson’s case is still on appeal). [Lexington Herald Leader, 1-29-10] Cynthia Diaz was re-elected town clerk in Coventry, Vt., in March, though still facing 10 felony personal tax-fi ling counts. (The town clerk is the town’s treasurer, delinquent-tax collector and trustee of public money.) [Newport (Vt.) Daily Express, 3-3-10] The U.S. Senate passed a bill in March to correct a misimpression Congress had in the 1990s when it instituted mandatory sentences for crack- cocaine possession that were about 100 times the sentences for powdered cocaine. Scientists long ago pointed out that the two substances are chemically the same, and the new provisions set crack-cocaine sentences at only about 18 times those for powder. [National Public Radio, 3-18-10] Tackling the Big Issues: The Utah legislature passed a bill in March to, for the fi rst time, legalize the personal collection of rainwater. “Harvesting” rain has been illegal, but now would be allowed, with a state permit, in special state-approved containers. [KIFI-TV (Idaho Falls)-AP, 3-3-10] The Tennessee legislature is considering removing a longstanding ban on fi sh tanks in barbershops. Currently, no “animals, birds or fi sh” (except guide dogs) are permitted where hair is cut. Opponents said they don’t mind aquariums but fear that trendy pedicures by nibbling fi sh (now in New York and Los Angeles salons) might come to Tennessee. [The Tennessean-AP, 2-24-10] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19) You know someone who talks about himself or herself incessantly. Your compassion will keep you listening for quite a bit longer than most people would. You’ll learn something of value and will use the information to your advantage. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) A certain over- bearing person may seem to have an undue infl uence; however, it’s only because you let it happen sometimes. Ultimately, you do best when you remember that you are your own person and you are in total control. GEMINI (May 21-June 21) The past has passed — and this is no time to be nostalgic. If you walk backward, you’ll see where you’ve been, but you’ll lose all of the lovely anticipation and excitement that comes from getting closer to your destination. CANCER (June 22-July 22) Silver linings are not just for clouds. The magical gilding can be found in a job you disdain, a person who makes you uncomfortable or a commitment that’s not all it was cracked up to be. Look for the glint of valuable and precious metal in everything you do this week, and you will be extremely lucky. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Energetic changes will physically invigorate you. Imagine that you can see the energy in the room you are in. Send the used up, tired and polluted energy swirling out the door, and imagine the room being fi lled with clear, bright energy. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You are accustomed to playing certain relationship roles — often that of a caretaker, nurturer, assistant and confi dante. Remember that ultimately you are in charge of the role assignments in your life and can change it up whenever you feel like it. All you have to do is decide who you want to be. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Like this hard gem, you will move outside your standard defi nition this week and accomplish something brilliant, beautiful and unexpected that grabs the attention of admirers. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You need self- discipline in order to achieve your goals. . It’s a skill to be learned. This week’s events will fi ll in some missing information. When you know precisely what you need to do and why, you will have the discipline to do it. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) When you feel yourself getting tense, take the broad view. Instead of focusing on the details of life, think about the general shape your days are taking -- the silhouette of your life and times. Things will go well as long as you stay upbeat and project this feeling. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Drop the self- help books for a week. Consider that there may actually be nothing about you that needs changing. What you think of as negative may be your greatest asset. Maximize your so-called faults instead of hiding them. You’ll be strangely liberated. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’re suscep- tible to fl attery and will get plenty of it this week. Praise will go to your head. And this heady egoism will work in your favor, increasing your power and magnetism. Go with it while it lasts. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’re highly creative and also open to infl uence. You’ll be doing the rough work — sketching out the plans in loose and messy lines. This process is exciting, and others will want to get involved. However, there are some ideas you should protect and keep to yourself until you’ve fi gured out the main points. By Holiday Mathis ADVICE GODDESS Better Pluck Next Time I was extremely offended by your response to the woman whose female friend has a mustache. Your only suggesting ways to get her to remove it was very anti-feminist. I have female friends with facial hair. Instead of waxing it, they say, “Screw American standards of beauty. I’m beautiful just the way I am.” Your response could’ve included that option. My girlfriends with facial hair have no problem getting dates with men, and that’s because they’re confidant and beautiful. Just please don’t perpetuate misogynistic crap. — Ain’t No Problem With A Little Hair If I hated women, I’d tell those looking to date men to grow a big hairy hedge above their lip. Then they’d appeal to the .00001 percent of the American male population who think nothing’s sexier than leaning over to the girl they’re dating and whispering, “I think I should tell you … there’s a little piece of food caught in your mustache.” Oh, what a terrible thing, promoting “American standards of beauty.” Footbinding? Clitoridectomy? Naw, plucking tiny hairs above a woman’s lip. Quick! Somebody start an international human rights organization! While I see the occasional strip of fur bumming a ride on a woman’s lip, you claim to Amy Alkon know a veritable parade of women from Mustachia. Methinks you’re telling a fibby — for what you think is a good cause: keeping women feministically correct, and never mind that they’ll likely end up miserable and dateless. Fibby number two? That being a chick with a Fu Manchu is no impediment to getting dates. Right. There are men who’ll date a woman with a stache: the visually impaired, the wildly desperate, and college-boy feminists. The latter aren’t so much into girls with mustaches as they’re into being the guy who’s cool with girls with mustaches. On a positive note, being a woman with a fur-trimmed lip does solve that age-old problem of getting men to stop addressing conversation to one’s breasts. Take poor Stephanie Mills, the Greenpeace spokeslady who went on TV in Australia. Unfortunately, the loudest thing on screen was her mustache. Even the host couldn’t help himself: “There is a mustache on a lady!” Miller had much to say about victims of nuclear testing, but she might as well have been farting out “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Now, I’m all for a woman with a mustache making the same money as a man with a mustache. Suggesting women who want boyfriends go proudly unpruned is like telling men with moobs to rub glitter on their mancleavage and strut it in low-cut tops. Sure, a woman’s place is wherever she wants it to be, but if she’d like male company, she’d best avoid looking like Gandhi, Saddam, Charles Manson, or one of the Village People, and snarling through her stache: “We haven’t come a long way, and don’t call me baby!” (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. APRIL 28-MAY 4, 2010 UCW 31

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