Up & Coming Weekly

NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD More Texas Justice: In March, juries in Smith County and Matagorda County sentenced Henry Wooten and Melvin Johnson III to 35 years and 60 years in prison, respectively, for possessing small amounts of drugs (but enough under Texas law to allow jurors to infer an intent to distribute). Wooten, 54, had 4.6 ounces of marijuana (same penalty as for 5 pounds), and Johnson had 1.3 grams of crack cocaine (about half the weight of a U.S. dime). [Tyler Morning News, 3-5-10] Can’t Possibly Be True In February, the undergraduate dean’s offi ce at Yale University disclosed that it was formally soliciting anonymous, fi rst-person reports of student sexual experiences to publish on a school Web site, as “strategies for creatively navigating Yale’s sexual culture,” according to an advisor. “There is a real need for students to have space to think about what happens to them and what they want to have happen,” she said. “Sex@ Yale” would contain “70 to 80” specifi c perspectives, she said, but critics suggested the anthology might grow to resemble Penthouse magazine’s often-ridiculed “Forum” section of lascivious fantasies. [Yale Daily News, 2-26-10] It’s Good to Be a British Welfare Mother: Under the government’s Local Housing Authority, Essma Marjam, age 34, unemployed and the mother of six, is entitled to rental assistance for a fi ve-bedroom home, and the only suitable one she could fi nd is in an exclusive London suburb in which her neighbor is Sir Paul McCartney. Luckily, the generous allowance (equivalent of more than $9,000 a month) covers the rent on the nearly $3 million (U.S. equivalent) mansion. (Additionally, according to the Daily Mail, Marjam’s non-housing government benefi ts total the equivalent of about $22,000 a year.) [Daily Mail, 2-15-10] Alan Rosenfeld, 64, a New York City lawyer and real estate entrepreneur, is also a full-time schoolteacher, although he has been prohibited from teaching since 2002 because of accusations of leering at female students. He is thus a “rubber room” teacher whose union contract requires full salary and benefi ts even though the Schools Chancellor has barred him from the classroom as a “danger” to students. The Department of Education pays him $100,000 a year plus health care (plus retirement benefi ts worth at least $82,000 a year). The New York Post reported that Rosenfeld reports to “the room” each day but works exclusively on his business affairs. [New York Post, 1-31-10] In January, Aretha Brown, 66, who has lived in the same house in Callahan, Fla., (pop. 962) for 30 years, suddenly became unable to leave her yard unless she crawled between CSX railroad cars blocking her access to the road. Tracks had always been in place, but the railway only began storing train cars on them this year. CSX told The Florida Times-Union that it would soon build Brown an access road to the street. [Florida Times- Union, 2-6-10] WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19). You’ll be meeting infl uential people over the next week. Mentally prepare for this. Imagine what you’ll say and the reaction it might produce. And when your golden chances come, you’ll be ready. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your actions net a positive response from the outside world. And though the compliments feel good, they are not what keeps you going. You love the work and what you can produce. Wonderful words from the mouths of strangers are merely the seasoning on the main course of your creation. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). There are teachers who will be willing to help you, but you must seek them out. A mentor’s advice can save you time, energy, money and heartache. You don’t even need to follow said advice for this to be possible. You merely need to be aware that there are op- tions other than the ones you have thought of. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You would prefer that everyone around you be comfortable and happy at all times. And yet, life comes with some degree of pain. It’s something to accept now, because you can’t change that fact. However, the sweet support you provide will certainly ease the way for those who are facing challenges. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You still don’t have what you want exactly, but that’s not the point. Do you have what it takes to persist? That’s all that mat- ters. And you know the answer is yes. It would be easy to relax your discipline, but if you let up now, you’ll regret it later. Keep on keeping on. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll grow emo- tionally tougher so that you can put yourself on the line without fear of rejection. No one can make you feel rejected unless you believe they are in some way better than you. All human beings are equal. Base your self-worth in your own heart, not in the reactions of others. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Know where you stand in a relationship so you can work together toward a magnifi cent end result. Get a correct gauge of how things are. This is done best by interacting, observing and listening, not by ask- ing directly. A person put on the spot is likely to speak to appease you. Actions tell the whole story. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Make sure you are good and warmed up for the events on this week’s schedule. Success depends on being prepared and ready. If you are meeting with a colleague or client, before you get to the main issues, take the time to get in sync with the other person, and be sure they are in tune with you. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The life- sucking monster of seriousness is stalking your neighborhood. He’s a disease carrier, sick with boredom, riddled with self-importance. The good news is, you can keep him at bay — it’s easy to do so. Just be silly and have fun. There might even be money in it, paid to you on Friday. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You need a good friend, not because you’re going through emotional turmoil. You need a good friend be- cause you’re happy and should be sharing it with someone. Keep your eyes open for easy-going people who look like they are having a good time. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). There are habits you’ve tried to adopt in the past, but the process felt forced. There’s another way to change, accept where you are. You’ll blossom because you’re enjoying life so much. Changes happen naturally, out of your love and respect for yourself. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Things might be coming too slowly, but this is for the best. Believe in the timing of the universe. Anyway, you wouldn’t want the opportunity before you were ready for it. That would only paint you in a bad light. While waiting for your ship to come in, practice and perfect your skills. Thursday brings exciting news. By Holiday Mathis ADVICE GODDESS The Dawg Whisperer In the wake of revelations about Sandra Bullock’s cheating husband, I’m wondering about your take on why she’s with him. She doesn’t seem like the usual low self-esteem type who goes for bad boys. --In Bad Boy Recovery Myself It seems women have a crafting gene. Martha Stewart taps into hers, and like a one-woman swarm of rickracking, sponge-painting locusts, transforms everything in her path. Other women start by perking up flowerpots and end tables and move on to unsuitable men. There’s no rush like walking into a room with a changed man on one’s arm (even better than the feeling of having much better shoes than all the other women at the party). There’s evidence this transformation is doable -- at least in movies starring Jennifer Aniston. The ideal subject is the man no other woman has been able to domesticate. The woman tells herself he just hasn’t met the right woman (her, of course!). With her unique brand of beauty and heart, she will do the impossible: paper-train the wolf and get him to roll over on command. It’s love as brainwashing, “Beauty and the Amy Alkon Beast” with a pole-dancing twist: “I’ll make you forget those strippers!” Unfortunately, like the leopard and his spots, the wolf and his big- boobed, tatted-up she-wolves are not soon parted. There’s a reason Bullock’s husband previously married a porn star, and it probably isn’t because he thinks porn stars make the best mothers. Maybe he wanted to turn over a new leaf with Bullock, and maybe he did for a while, becoming the sort of guy who rides the lawn mower into the sunset instead of the chopper into the strip club parking lot. But, change is hard, maybe even impossible, save for the most determined and self-disciplined. Even they may have to hit bottom a few times (and, no, not the naked, tattooed kind). So, if you’d like to stay “in bad boy recovery,” the most you should ever expect is to influence a man -- maybe to cut back on foods labeled “screamin’ hot nacho cheese-flavored” and to avoid dressing like he was naked and ran into a Salvation Army and put on whatever was closest to the door. Look for a guy who already seems together, and take a good look at his past because it’s a pretty good key to what (or who) he’ll do in the future. Should you find yourself jonesing for a project, see what you can do with a hot glue gun, a spray can of gold paint, and 26 packages of macaroni. Whatever you come up with, it’ll at least be distracting, and definitely less misery-inducing than that fun game you project daters like to play, “Spot the tall, dark, handsome captain of industry in the chronically unemployed drug user with the personality disorder.” (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. APRIL 14-20, 2010 UCW 31

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