Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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Dumb Crimes and Even Dumber Criminals THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET by MARGARET DICKSON Me, myself and I had a hearty little chuckle in the kitchen when we read about the big art heist in Rotterdam earlier this month. A thief, or more likely several thieves, slammed their way into an art gallery about 3 o'clock one morning and, with the burglar alarm screaming, snatched seven paintings by world-renowned artists and disappeared. They left behind empty white spaces where the paintings had been, along with a few hanging wires dangling from the walls. What goofballs! They have very likely joined the large fraternity of people who commit crimes that are going to get them into all sorts of trouble for very little, if any, return. A quick Internet search turns up a number of stupid criminal sites. I read about, for example, a football player at a prestigious university in Texas who arrived home with his roommates one day to fi nd that all their laptops, televisions and video games had been cleaned out. Understandably incensed, the young men summoned police who questioned them about the theft. The football player fi nally 'fessed up that — well — maybe the break-in did have something to do with an angry "escort" whom he had declined to pay for her services. Then there was the guy who hailed a cab, and forced the cabbie out so that he could steal the vehicle. The cabbie was beating a hasty retreat when the thief yelled to him to come back and tell him how to start the hybrid taxi! My favorite Internet stupid criminals, though, were the two guys who broke into a house that was under an enormous fumigation tent. The homeowners had moved out temporarily, because the chemicals used in termite-cleansing process are poisonous to human beings. The thieves were not deterred by the tent or the signs with skulls and crossbones on them. No indeed! They headed right in, snagged some electronics and went immediately to a pawnshop where they were apprehended by law-enforcement offi cers. No word on the condition of their health. But back to the art thieves. Stealing Picassos, Gauguins, Monets and Freuds may seem like a good idea, but everyone in the art world who might want to buy them knows they are stolen goods and will be reclaimed by their rightful owners. The thieves could claim they "found" the paintings and try to get insurance proceeds, but many art insurers pay only if there is an arrest, which would clearly defeat their purpose. It is always possible that some art lover commissioned the theft, but, if so, how will he or she enjoy the new acquisitions — in a closet with a fl ashlight? My guess is that we are going to fi nd some more stupid criminals. THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET I had my own up-close and personal encounter with such a fellow several years ago. I woke up one weekday morning to fi nd that my car, Station Wagon # 5, was not in its usual spot in the driveway. In fact, it was no where to be seen, legislative license plate and all. We called Fayetteville's fi nest, of course, and they got right on the case. While they were working on it, I got several calls from friends who said, "Margaret! I just saw your car on Raeford Road…" "….on Robeson Street…" on the Boulevard!" Stupid criminals seem to be everywhere these days. even then I was not satisfi ed. I grabbed my household cleaner and yellow kitchen gloves and marched out to the driveway to fi nish the job. The pocket on the back side of the passenger seat had a little bump in it, so I took a deep breath and stuck my gloved hand in. Out came some wadded up papers, a hair band, and, astonishingly, something I could never have imagined. The stupid criminal's North Carolina-issued picture ID with his real name and a church, very dirty and with a fl at tire but otherwise unscathed. I had it "detailed" before I got back in it, but FPD did locate # 5 downtown, abandoned beside address on it! They must have been so enthralled with the notion of stealing art that they forgot to consider what they were going to do with seven very famous paintings. Unlike the cool, sophisticated and debonair Pierce Brosnan in the re-make of The Thomas Crown Affair, these guys were of the grab-and-run school of theft. They did get away with the paintings for the time being, but what is the point? The detective was at my house within 60 seconds of my call. Stealing # 5 for a local joyride turned out to be the icing on the cake of a long string of dumb misadventures, and the fellow who left his ID in my back seat was dispatched on a long vacation at taxpayer expense. All of which goes to prove once again that, as everyone's third grade teacher rolled her eyes and told us, a little rational thought goes a long way. tributing Writer, COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomingweekly.com. MARGARET DICKSON, Con- APRIL 7-13, 2010 VOLUME 15 ISSUE 14 3 Fayetteville Bea Cumberland You reou're A County Lib arrary Presents The Big Read G C B Good M n Charlie l Brown at FSU Focus o E WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Wvr rvru ruvv svy Pocket Guide !rutxvv!t Sv3 OCTOBER 24-30, 2012 UCW 5 Up shrrvyyrirhvsy p PROUDLY SPONSORED BY HEY! THIS PAPER BELONGS TO: FUN FAMILY EDUCATIONAL RESOURCE OF CUMBERLAND & HOKE COAY 2010 P Up & Coming Weekly's Up & Cominng Weeklys 201 et Guidet G ide 2 10 2010 et GuideeGuid de www.upandcomingweekly.com com m F VOL. 10 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! CAMP GUIDE INSIDE! Online! Now '1' )%## Br RE