Up & Coming Weekly

NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD It’s a simple recipe, said A-List New York City chef Daniel Angerer: a cheese derived from the breast milk of his wife, who is nursing the couple’s 3-month-old daughter. As a chef, he said, “you look out for something new and what you can do with it,” and what Angerer could do is make about two quarts of “fl avor(ful)” cheese out of two gallons of mother’s milk. “(T)astes just like really sweet cow’s milk.” He posted the recipe, “My Spouse’s Mommy Milk Cheese,” on his blog and invited readers’ participation: “Our baby has plenty (of) back-up mother’s milk in the freezer, so whoever wants to try it is welcome to try it as long as supply lasts (please consider cheese aging time).” [New York, 3-2-10] Cultural Diversity Florida’s Agriculture Department, acting on a tip, confi scated Giant African Snails believed to have been smuggled into the country by Charles Stewart of Hialeah, Fla., for use in the religion Ifa Orisha, which encourages followers to drink the snails’ mucus for its supposed healing powers. Actually, said the department (joined in the investigation by two federal agencies), bacteria in the mucus causes frequent violent vomiting, among other symptoms. At press time, Stewart had not been charged with a crime. [Miami Herald, 3-10-10] A growing drug problem facing Shanghai, China, is stepped-up use of methamphetamine, cocaine and other drugs at all-night parties, but not the “rave” parties favored by young fast-lane types in the U.S. These Shanghai druggies, according to a February dispatch in London’s Guardian, are often middle-aged and retired people, who use the drugs to give them strength for all-night games of Mah Jongg played at out-of-the-way parlors around the city. [The Guardian, 2-11-10] Modernization Kept at Bay: Despite Fiji’s strides into the 21st century, the island nation’s court system remains relatively primitive, according to a January report from Agence France-Presse. Transcriptions of court proceedings are still made by ordinary reporters, writing out the dialogue by hand and thus calling on judges, lawyers and witnesses to periodically slow down or repeat themselves when they speak. [Agence France-Presse, 1-29-10] Papua New Guinea retains many of its historical tribal confl icts, and one fl ared up in January, according to a dispatch by an Australian Broadcasting Corp. reporter. Two people were killed in skirmishes that were provoked in a quite contemporary way — when a member of one tribe sent a member of another a pornographic text message. [Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 1-27-10] Alcohol That Miracle Drug Deanne Elsholz, 44, was charged with domestic battery in Wesley Chapel, Fla., in February after hitting her husband, David, in the face with a glass. David, intoxicated, had enraged Deanne by apparently completely missing the toilet bowl as he stood to urinate. (Deanne then angrily charged after him but lost her footing on the slippery fl oor.) [St. Petersburg Times, 2-17-10] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM              3006 Bragg Blvd. Fayetteville, NC 910.323.1791 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19). Relationships could use a new spark of excitement. If you wait around for circumstances to change, you’ll be waiting for a very long, boring time. Drum up some juicy adventure for you and the ones you love. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Self-esteem is ultimately up to you. But the people around you make a difference in the way you view yourself. When someone else sees you as perfect and loves you unconditionally, you’ll start to feel that this is true. This week you benefi t from the support of loved ones. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The world can be a harsh and shadowy place. Make an extra effort to be around wholesome and sweet stimuli. What puts you in the “life is good” frame of mind. Or maybe it’s that laughing person with the dancing eyes. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You’ll probably allow for more interruptions and diversions than you normally would, simply because there is so much you have missed in the past two weeks that is now demanding your attention. It’s nice to stop and catch up every once in a while. By Thursday you’ll be back on track. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You know that a relationship would be better if someone would adjust his or her behavior. Loved ones will change in their own time. Concentrate on yourself — inspire others with your commitment to being the best you can be. Before you know it, the relation- ship is renewed. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). How comfortable are you with nonconformity? You’ll fi nd out this week, when you come across folks who think that recipes are just starting points for experi- mentation. You’ll fi ght a good fi ght for order and decency. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You have a way of unifying people. Stellar communication skills and you know what the group needs to do to arrive together at a desired point. This week will be a learning process. You will eventually fi gure out how to get people as focused on team goals as they are on individual goals. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). This week gives you a lot to consider. New people and infl uences show you options you never would have consid- ered a few weeks ago. By Friday, you’ll fi gure out that you’ve had enough time to decide on your course. Just do it. What you do will matter -- that is, if you actually do it. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You’ll be in- tent on your work, but hopefully not so singularly focused that you miss the peripheral excitement. It’s possible that the distractions are more impor- tant than the main focus. In the end you will be judged not for your abilities, but for your heart. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’re happy with simple things, but you also have your heart set on a high-ticket item. Recognize the many forms of abundance in your life. That will help you fi gure out how you’re going to make the money to get this thing. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Perfectionism can be a thief, robbing you of new possibilities. When you decide what “perfect” is, you are plac- ing limits on your future. Pay attention to details only insomuch that they excite you, challenge you and give you greater appreciation of truth and beauty. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). The poets and dreamers are the fi rst explorers of the world. The scientists and builders always arrive later. When things aren’t happening easily, take a step back. Insistence on tangible results may be premature. Meditate and imagine, then try again. Let your spirit blaze a trail for the rest of you to follow. By Holiday Mathis A House Not So Divided ADVICE GODDESS Curtain Maul I’m a theater performer, and there’s a ten- dency among theater people that disturbs me: dreadful over-the-top flirting. I’m a portly, bearded guy pushing 40. At my last show, I was sitting in a seat minding my own business when a young woman in the cast I barely knew came and sat on my lap. I’m straight, so naturally, I enjoyed this. But, when I responded by putting my hand on her knee, she jumped up as if she’d been electrocuted and ignored me for the rest of the show’s run. Humiliating. To pre-empt that humiliation, is there a polite time, perhaps when rehears- als begin, to announce “I’m not your daddy or Santa Claus, and I’m not gay, so if any of you young ladies come sit on my lap, you might find my hand on your knee. Comport yourselves accordingly.”? — Miscast “I’m so troubled. Hot young women sit on my lap.” Well, definitely start wearing pants fitted with those spikes they use to keep pigeons off liquor store signs, or at least sew golf cleats to the front of your jeans. Or, if this sounds like a lot of bother, you could just consider yourself mildly lucky, and leave it at that. You were apparently supposed to consider this a sort of static lap dance. (You Amy Alkon don’t get to touch the stripper when you’re getting a lap dance — at least not without tossing her a couple extra hundreds.) Of course, in a strip club, the rules are clear. In drama group, it’s harder to differentiate between “I want you” lap-sits and look-but- don’t-touch “I want you to pay homage to hot little me.” Let’s be honest: What disturbs you ALL TEAM SPORTS          Mention this ad and receive 20% OFF* your next team purchase. *Restrictions apply. “TWO are better than ONE”  5613 Rockfish Road Hope Mills, NC 910.609.1791 isn’t the “dreadful over-the-top flirting,” but the dreadful leaping up from your lap as if electrocuted. The answer isn’t making pre- emptive announcements — not unless you’re in some race to humiliate yourself before other people can get to it. You just need to act like the kind of guy who’d be dangerous for a girl to tease. For a role model, I suggest the one-eyed, boozing, chain-smoking, gourmet food-hoovering poet/novelist Jim Harrison, who looks and sounds like the product of drunk sex between a pirate and a grizzly. At 73, with his mere presence, he makes young player-dudes seem to have all the sexual mojo of Julie Andrews. (As a woman, you get the sense that if you get too close, he just might grab you with one of his big paws, pop a truffle on you, and wash you down with a swig of Spanish wine.) In other words, your problem isn’t that you’ve been humiliated, but that you’re acting humiliated, letting this girliepoo set the tone. Instead of hanging your head and hoping to evaporate, refuse to be shunned by teasing the tease: maybe pointing to your knee and asking if she’d like another ride on her new pony, or grinning and sticking out your hand, fingers wriggling, as if it might get loose and make another run for her leg. This should not only give you your superpowers back, but teach her an important lesson: If you’re over 12, and you plop down on a man’s lap, you aren’t going to be asked what you want for Christmas. (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. APRIL 7-13, 2010 UCW 27

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