Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/87398
FEATURES have been a teacher in a small town for seven years. During this time, I have had two seri- ous relationships, but neither worked out. Recently, my mother has been on me about moving so I can find someone to marry and have kids. I understand that she doesn't want me to be alone, but, Annie, I have wonderful friends here. Some are as close as family. Right now, I am OK with being single, but I know that I have a tendency to resist change. My mother thinks I will be alone for the rest of my life and regret it. I told her I would consider moving, but I really don't want to leave this place. I love my friends, my job and my students. What should I do? My mother is so upset that it makes me stressed. — All Talked Out Dear Talked Out: How important is it to you (not your mother) to be married? Not everyone needs a life partner to lead a happy, fulfilling life. Raising children is an entirely sepa- rate issue and could involve adoption or fostering. And many teachers con- sider their students the only ''chil- dren'' they need. It is difficult to meet prospective marriage partners in areas where the dating pool is small. Even online Dear Annie: I am 29 and Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar matchmaking might require relocating. If you can be happy without marriage, tell your mother the subject is closed. But if you are simply too frightened to get out of your comfort zone, please work on it, with counseling if necessary. You shouldn't have major regrets down the road. Dear Annie: I am 37 and Friday, October 12, 2012 – Daily News 5A Small town teacher being pressed to marry continually rejects me, and I wonder why I care about a relationship that is so one-sided. I have talked to her about it, and she always says she'll be in closer contact, but it never happens. Do I need to let this relationship go? — Wish I Had a Sister Dear Wish: Your sister is oversen- expressed an interest in being a part of my life. have a rich life with wonder- ful friendships and a great career. But I am deeply hurt that my sister has never She takes things too seriously, often holds grudges over minor criti- cisms, and assumes the role of victim when anything hurts her feelings, which is often. She married a solid guy, but he's the type who sees the glass as half-empty. after living abroad for a year, and I wrote about seeing them. My brother- in-law responded (my sister rarely does), but his interest seemed half- hearted, and he made all kinds of excuses about stress from work and not really being able to do much but rest on the weekends. My sister has never once visited me in all the cities I've lived in. She rarely inquires about my life. I am fun loving and happy. It hurts that she I am returning to my hometown sitive and finds it difficult to be closer, but she is not toxic, and we don't believe she is trying to hurt you. She could actually be jealous of the life you are leading. She seems incapable of the warmth you want, but you apparently have many friends who fill that need. You don't have to cut her off. All you need to do is adjust your expectations. Please accept your sis- ter's limitations and reconnect in small doses. ''Angry and Embarrassed.'' As a mother of three small children, going out to dinner gives me a break from cooking. I try to teach my children manners and tell them that making a mess is not OK, but this lady's grand- child is 16 months old and cannot understand that yet. When my kids make a mess at a restaurant, my husband and I apolo- gize and then leave a more generous tip for the server. But I do not feel that these parents were rude in not clean- ing up a few noodles that landed on the floor. — Done That Dear Annie: I read the letter from The fickle fighter fight on Sept. 28 in Monte- bello, by Los Angeles. My opponent was the local favorite with 3 fights under her belt and was only 19 years old (to my 42). I had just been to Las I had my first pro-boxing Vegas to corner a friend who was fighting about a month before this fight and visited a few buffets. Let's just say I enjoyed myself a little too much. I had to cut from 130 down to 118 for this fight. It was a hard cut, but I made it. I weighed in at 116, and my opponent weighed in at 120. She had 2 hours to cut to 118, or I'd get a portion of her purse. She made it — young folks seem to be better equipped to make a cut like that. I was a little nervous going in, but I felt so ready. I trained hard and felt like my technique and power were good. I knew my opponent would be tough; I saw some film of her last fight. She threw hard punches and had a good chin. I slipped into my 20 year old boxing shoes — hadn't worn them since my last amateur boxing match over 20 years ago. I put on my brand new black and purple custom satin boxing trunks — courtesy of Alli- son Smith Marshall, my wonderful local sponsor. It felt weird having all this pretty gear on, like I was getting dressed for the prom. Boxing is a lot fanci- er in presentation than MMA. My opponent was wearing some wicked gold and black trunks and a gor- geous robe to match — that will be my next investment, a purple robe. The bell rang and we met in the middle of the ring and started throwing some hard leather. We were toe to toe for the whole first round, and I felt confident that I would win this fight from the gate. The second round went the same way. The third round, I listened to my coaches and stepped back and used my jab more. I jabbed my way in for the last 2 rounds. I knew I threw more, heavier punches, but since I didn't knock her out, I didn't know what was going to happen. The first judge called it a draw — she must have been texting instead of watching the fight — the other two judges gave me way more points. I beat the local girl with a unanimous decision. We hugged after it was announced. She was a classy girl. I was thrilled. I floated back to the locker room, getting pats on the back all the while. My husband kissed me and hugged me and told me he was so proud of me. My coaches were ecstatic. I barely had a black eye and felt like I could have gone at least 4 more rounds. But my poor opponent, her eye was almost swollen shut, and I was told she had some damage to her ear. I hope she's all healed up by now. I want to thank God for guiding me in a safer direc- tion for my fighting career. I want to thank my husband for his continued love and support. I want to thank my coaches; Dan Verdugo and Joe Hanlin. I want to thank my sponsor, Donald Davis of Novus Investments for all his support. I also want to thank my girls, Jessica Vilche and Jessica Richards, as well as Tony Chavez, Terri Opdyke and Kelly Amen, who helped to put on a car wash at Red Bluff Vision Center to sup- port my trip to Montebello. And thank you to everyone who got their car washed. My fighter, Denise Bruckner-Gillentine, had her second fight on Oct. 6 in Jamestown. She had trained hard and was ready for this People keep saying, "I thought you retired?" Well, I guess this fickle fighter did retire. I am officially retired from cage fighting. I have been bitten by the boxing bug. It was my first love more than 20 years ago, and the ring just felt so right for me. My body didn't feel like it was in a car wreck, my face wasn't split open from an elbow, my joints don't hurt from getting wrenched on. So, farewell MMA — I shall not miss you, not one little bit. fight. She and her opponent both made weight at 110. It was a hard cut for Denise, but she came in at 109. Her girl had several fights under her belt, and they were fighting for a title. The bell rang, and they started throwing hard and fast. It ended up on the ground, and her opponent caught her in an arm bar. Denise tapped at the end of the first round. She was bummed, but I was proud of her. She fought hard. The girls hugged after, and Denise and I talked about what we'd need to work on. Hello, boxing, I've missed you. Yep, just punches and pretty clothes. I think I'm going to like this boxing stuff. Avery Vilche is a boxer and fitness instructor who owns Psycho Fitness & MMA, 1450 Schwab St. in Red Bluff. You can reach her at 200-0526 or by e-mail at vilcheavery@yahoo.com. Disorder is a matter of degrees TOR K: The term OCD is used so casually these days. How can you iden- tify someone who truly has obsessive- compulsive disor- der? DEAR DOC- itive The goal of the rit- ual is to reduce the anxiety caused by obsessive thoughts. Examples include: — Repeated DEAR READ- ER: There's a little bit of what is called "psychiatric ill- ness" in most of us. For example, at one time or another we may all feel compelled to line up our pencils or double-check that we've locked the door. In fact, I double-checked the front door before going to bed the other night. There was no reason why it wouldn't be locked, and I don't usually do it. But I just felt like I wanted to check. (It was locked.) In contrast, a person with OCD who has the obsession that his front door is unlocked may feel the compulsion to check the lock 10 or 20 times each night. He remembers that he's already checked it many times, and it definite- ly was locked. But he still worries that somehow it got unlocked since the last time he checked. It's not ratio- nal; it's just a mental pres- sure that a person with OCD must respond to. The two defining symp- toms of OCD are obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals. Obsessions are persistent, repeated, anxiety-provoking or distressing thoughts. They intrude into a person's con- sciousness. Here are some common ones: Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. washing or bathing; checking of locks or stoves; — Compulsive counting of objects; — Over-organizing shake hands or touch doorknobs; — Repeated — Refusal to work or household items; — Repeating specific words or prayers; In OCD, the obsessions and compulsions are exces- sive and distressing. They are time-consuming. They may interfere with personal relationships, and perfor- mance at work or school. The most effective treat- ment for OCD is a combi- nation of psychotherapy and medication. Ongoing treatment may be neces- sary. reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly used to treat OCD. They include sertraline (Zoloft) and citalopram (Celexa). Tricyclic antidepressants also may be effective, par- ticularly clomipramine (Anafranil). — Selective serotonin — Fear of contamina- tion: constant worry about having dirty hands or about catching or spreading germs. chotherapy techniques may be helpful. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help a person with OCD recognize the unrea- sonableness of fearful, obsessive thinking. The therapist sometimes teach- es specialized techniques that can help extinguish the compulsions. — A number of psy- — Fears concerning dis- order or asymmetry: an irresistible need for order; anxiety about the smallest detail out of place. Compulsive rituals are persistent, excessive, repet- — Fears related to acci- dents or acts of violence: fear of becoming a victim of violence (an unlocked door that admits an intrud- er); fear of suffering acci- dental bodily harm (an oven is left on). degree. If your obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors occur repeatedly throughout the day, and interfere with life at home or at work, you've got a problem — and several possible solutions. So OCD is a matter of Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Oh Snap! The Daily News wants your photos: Cute kids, Adorable pets, Inspirational sights, Any shot you think readers would enjoy You might just see it in the Daily News Send pictures to editor@redbluffdailynews.com or drop off at 545 Diamond Ave. in Red Bluff. Include a caption. behaviors.