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Wednesday, September 19, 2012 – Daily News FEATURES Dear Annie: I am 23 years old and have been dating ''Tom'' for two years. He works in a demanding job that requires an extensive amount of travel. He's away almost six months of the year. How can we come up with a work- able solution? — Home Alone How do I handle the situation? — Mother of the Groom Annie's Mailbox isn't traveling, he's with me during the week, but spends most weekends going places with his fraternity or vis- iting his parents. This means for the six months he's in town, I get per- haps one weekend. We are saving for a house, and Tom's con- stant recreational travel is cutting into our bud- get. I want our couple time back, as well as time to take care of things at home. I've sug- gested compromises (such as two weekends away and two weekends home), but things always come up that he ''has to do.'' Two months ago, I was let go from my job. That same afternoon, Tom left on a trip with friends that could have easily been cancelled. I can't use those same weekends to visit my family because they are too far away, so I spend a lot of time sitting home alone. When Tom vory is going on. Tom is a wonderful guy. I have no intention of leaving him. I knew when we met that his job would require a lot of travel, but these personal weekends are difficult for me. I know he hates being inactive or staying home, but it seems excessive. I know nothing unsa- by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Tom thinks he already has a workable solution and has no incen- tive to compro- mise. After all, he sees you all week. Right now, Dear Home: for you, but if you marry and have children, it will be a major problem. You'll have to revisit this issue then. schedule is a minor hardship his Dear Mom: Your future daughter-in-law has usurped your privi- lege to host the rehearsal dinner. Determine what you can comfortably afford for this event, and then inform your son that this is what you would have spent had you planned it, and you are happy to give him a check for this amount. If he chooses to have never in favor of sitting home alone moping. Please find things to occupy yourself during the weekends when Tom is absent. Look for part- time work. Take classes to bone up on your skills. Go biking. Accompany him when he visits his family, and get to know them better. Meanwhile, we are Dear Annie: My son is getting married in November in his fiancee's hometown. My son says his fiancee has selected the place for the rehearsal dinner. She also wants to invite not just the wedding party, but everyone who will be in town for the wedding. I have not been con- sulted about the plans, and have expressed my concerns to my son regarding the cost of the dinner. I am on a fixed income. My son says his fiancee's parents have offered to pay for what- ever I can't afford. He also says he's learned to pick his battles and will not argue with his bride about the dinner plans, as she wants it to be a mem- orable celebration. more elaborate affair, someone else will have to cover the additional cost. Dear Annie: You gave good advice to ''Donny,'' who wants to be closer to his grandparents. I am blessed with 11 grand- children and love them dearly. As they have aged, however, they have become more distant, and I'm lucky to get a grunt from them. They give me little reason to seek them out. It seems to be the norm with the onset of texting and social media. Communi- cation is a lot different with our generation. I have given up pursu- ing my older grandchil- dren, but would be elated to have them show that they cared about a rela- tionship. But they have to do their part. — Cal in Maine a Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. DEAR DOCTOR K: I was recently diagnosed with dys- thymia. Can you tell me more about this condition? Is it the same as depression? 3B Vacations cut into couple time Dysthymia more than grumpiness DEAR READER: Dysthymia is a form of depression. It is less severe than major depression, but usually lasts longer. Many people with dysthymia describe having been depressed as long as they can remember. They also are at a greater risk of developing major depression. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. full-blown depression, but still is fairly common. During the course of a year, about two people out of every 100 will suffer from dysthymia. It is about twice as common in women as in men. The symptoms of dysthymia are simi- lar to those of major depression, but they tend to be less intense. In both condi- tions, a person can: — Have a low or irritable mood. — Experience a decrease in pleasure. — Have low energy. — Feel relatively unmotivated. — Feel disengaged from the world. — Experience an increase or decrease in appetite and weight. — Sleep too much or have trouble Dysthymia is not quite as common as support and education about depression. Cognitive behav- ioral therapy examines and helps correct faulty, self-critical thought patterns. Psychotherapy can help sort out conflicts in important relationships or explores the history behind the symptoms. tonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs such as fluoxetine); serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs such as ven- lafaxine); mirtazapine; and bupropion. Your doctor may add a different type of drug to your treatment — for example, a mood stabilizer or anti-anxiety medica- tion. We have more information on depres- sion in our Special Health Report, "Understanding Depression." (Learn more about this report at AskDoctorK.com, or call 877-649-9457 toll-free to order it.) With treatment, symptoms often go can be very helpful. Antidepres- sants recommended for dys- thymia are the selective sero- An antidepressant medication sleeping. — Have difficulty concentrating. — Feel indecisive. — Feel pessimistic. — Have a poor self-image. Dysthymia lasts for long periods, sometimes starting in childhood. As a result, a person with dysthymia tends to believe that depression is part of his or her character. He or she may not even think to talk about it with doctors, fami- ly or friends. I remember telling a patient that I thought he suffered from dysthymia. He replied, "I don't have any kind of depres- sion. I'm just grumpy." His wife added, "His mother says he was born grumpy." Treatment usually includes emotional away completely. However, continued treatment is usually necessary to prevent symptoms from returning. What is important is treatment, not diagnostic labels. grumpy person" agreed to try an antide- pressant. Two months later, the patient told me he wasn't sure if the medicine was helping, but added that he would be happy to stay on it. His wife said, "You really should," and then turned to me and said, "He's not grumpy anymore." Whether the treatment cured dysthymia or grumpiness, what mattered was that two people were happier. My patient who insisted he was just "a Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School.To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Oh Snap! The Daily News wants your photos: Cute kids, Adorable pets, Inspirational sights, Any shot you think readers would enjoy Send pictures to editor@redbluffdailynews.com or drop off at 545 Diamond Ave. in Red Bluff. Include a caption.