Wednesday, August 29, 2012 – Daily News FEATURES Mother-in-law trashing family on Internet
Dear Annie: I am mar- ried to a great guy, and we have two wonderful, intelli- gent teens. But my mother- in-law is causing great stress. ''Mama'' was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 10 years ago and is prescribed a cocktail of drugs to help with a prepon- derance of violent mood swings, anger, resentment and occasional dissociation. She is a textbook narcissist who can only demand love for her- self and is unable to give to others. Her family relationships and many of her friendships have taken a dive. It's a wonder she can hold down a job.
Annie's Mailbox
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Her big trigger is perceived rejection. When she was in our home, she expected to be every- one's entire focus. She demanded the full attention and affection of my husband and deeply resented his relationship with his own children. Needless to say, invitations to holi- day gatherings dwindled over the years. Her grandchildren have grown up without her in their lives, although we have taken care not to poison them against her. Now, Mama has taken herself off all meds and declared herself cured. She has convinced herself that her diagnosis was wrong, and that her problem all along has been emo- tional abuse from others, including her children and grandchildren. In short, everyone else is to blame. The trouble now is that she is
office with one of the most unpro- fessional and disgusting co-workers a person could have. My main com- plaint is that when we are in the break room, ''Penny'' takes out her dentures and sets them on the table. Between the gross dentures and her vulgar mouth, none of us wants to take a break in the one area we have. Nobody, not even manage- ment, is willing to address the issue. She reads your column, so please print this. — Grossed Out Dear Grossed Out: We are sym- pathetic to Penny's desire to be
You don't have to poison the chil- dren against Grandma to have a heartfelt discussion on mental ill- ness. The kids are old enough to understand that their grandmother is not well, and that her behavior can be unpredictable and sometimes unkind. They may never see her blog, but if they do, you will have done all you can to inoculate them against whatever damaging reaction they may have. Dear Annie: I work in a small
blogging on the Internet, publicly criticizing family members, including our teenage kids and their cousins. The adults can dis- miss this as the ranting of a mentally ill person, but we're afraid our kids are going to come across the blog one of these days. Any advice? — Also Sleepless, but in Sonoma Dear Sonoma: You have our sympathy dealing with such a difficult situation.
comfortable in the break room, but it is important to be considerate of others who share your space. Don't count on her seeing herself in the column or doing anything about it. Our suggestions are for you: You can take breaks when Penny is not using the room; you can ignore her dentures to the best of your ability; or you can bite the bullet and ask politely if she would refrain from removing her dentures when others are present.
TOR K: My eye was severely injured in an acci- dent and I am scheduled to have a corneal trans- plant. What will happen during this procedure?
DEAR DOC-
Dear Annie: ''Loving Mom, Disgusted Mother-in-Law'' is wor- ried that her daughter will return to her drug-abusing husband. It's too bad the daughter isn't going to Al- Anon. They said I would know when I wanted to make the break. It comes down to how much pain you can tolerate before you are willing to make changes. I realized two things: that I didn't want him to die in the house, and that we would lose our home if I didn't do something. He finally reached sobriety six years after the divorce and managed to be a good dad for 22 more. — J. Dear J.: Self-help groups like Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) and Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org) can be godsends for those who live with addicts. Thank you.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
Fish and Game events in Septemeber
The September Department of Fish and Game Calendar is as fol- low:
•1 — First day of recreational Pismo Clam Season in Santa Cruz and Monterey counties. Please see www.dfg.ca.gov/marine/i nvertebrate/bivalves.asp for details. • 1-15 — Early Dove Hunting Season statewide: mourning doves, white-winged doves, spotted doves, Eurasian collared-doves and ringed turtle doves. Please see the regulations and information on hunt- ing state and federal lands at www.dfg.ca.gov/regu- lations. •7 — Last day of Chukar Archery-Only Season; Last day of Sooty and Ruffed Grouse Archery-Only Season. Please see the regulations summary at https://nrm.dfg.ca.gov/Fil eHandler.ashx?Docu- mentID=54321&inline=1 •8 — Free Fishing
Day, statewide. Fish Cali- fornia's waters without a sport fishing license. All regulations, such as bag and size limits, gear restrictions, report card requirements, fishing hours and stream closures remain in effect. Every angler must have the appropriate report card if fishing for abalone, spiny lobster, steelhead or sturgeon, or for salmon in the Smith and Klamath-Trinity river systems. Please visit www.dfg.ca.gov/licens- ing/fishing/freefishdays.h tml for more information. •8 — First day of Zone Q1 Mountain Quail Season. The early moun- tain quail season hunting zone includes the coun- ties of Alpine, Butte, Del Norte, Glenn, Humboldt, Inyo, Lassen, Modoc, Mono, Plumas, Shasta, Sierra, Siskiyou, Tehama, Trinity and those portions of Amador, Calaveras, El Dorado, Fresno, Madera, Mariposa, Nevada, Plac- er, Tuolumne, Tulare and Yuba counties lying east of the western boundary of the national forests. Please see the regulations summary at https://nrm.dfg.ca.gov/Fil eHandler.ashx?Docu- mentID=54321&inline=1 before going hunting. •8 — Sooty and
to the taking of sooty or ruffed grouse. Please see the regulations summary at https://nrm.dfg.ca.gov/Fil eHandler.ashx?Docu- mentID=54321&inline=1 .
River Hatchery will take salmon eggs on Saturday. Details are posted at http://salmonfestoroville. org/.
•9 — Last day of Recreational Ocean Salmon Season from the Oregon-California state line to Horse Mountain. For more information please visit the Ocean Salmon webpage at www.dfg.ca.gov/marine/ oceansalmon.asp or call the Ocean Salmon Regu- lations Hotline at (707) 576-3429. • 15-23 — Band-
Ruffed Grouse Season opens in Alpine, Amador, Butte, Calaveras, Del Norte, El Dorado, Fresno, Glenn, Humboldt, Inyo, Lake, Lassen, Madera, Mariposa, Mendocino, Modoc, Mono, Nevada, Placer, Plumas, Shasta, Sierra, Siskiyou, Tehama, Trinity, Tulare, Tuolumne and Yuba counties. All other counties are closed
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Tailed Pigeon Season in the Northern Zone: the counties of Alpine, Butte, Del Norte, Glenn, Hum- boldt, Lassen, Mendoci- no, Modoc, Plumas, Shasta, Sierra, Siskiyou, Tehama and Trinity. Please see the Upland Game Bird Hunting regu- lations at www.dfg.ca.gov/regula- tions. • 21-23 — Oroville Salmon Festival, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. The streets of Oroville between Historic Downtown and the Feath- er River Fish Hatchery burst with fish-flavored activities, including an arts and crafts, gourmet food, farmers market, 5k and 10k salmon runs, kids' zone and live music. DFG's Feather
Waterfowl Hunting Days in the Northeastern Cali- fornia Zone. Youth hunters must be 15 years of age or younger and must be accompanied by a non-hunting adult 18 years of age or older. Please see the regulations summary at www.dfg.ca.gov/wildlife/ waterfowl/docs/Water- fowlRegulationsSumma- ry.pdf and contact the wildlife or federal refuge in which you wish to hunt. For more informa- tion, please contact Melanie Weaver at (916) 445-3717.
•22-23 — Youth
• 29 — Recreational Lobster Season opens statewide. More informa- tion is at www.dfg.ca.gov/marine/i nvertebrate/. Remember that every person fishing for lobster in California is required to possess a lob- ster report card.
3B
Vision improves after corneal transplant
DEAR READ- ER: The cornea is the clear, round "window" of tissue at the front of your eye. Light enters your eye from the cornea, then travels through the pupil and the lens, falling on the retina, the light-sensing part of the eye. A damaged cornea can cause signifi- cant vision loss. If this damage is irreversible, a corneal transplant often is the best solution.
your eye surgeon removes the damaged area of cornea and replaces it with a section of healthy cornea. The new cornea comes from a deceased organ donor.
In a corneal transplant,
Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D.
removed after several months or left in place permanently.
The period right after the surgery and for the next several weeks is critical to the success of the surgery. As your eye heals, you will need to pro- tect your eye, even while you are sleeping. The sutures may be
A corneal transplant is usually done as an outpa- tient procedure. An intra- venous (IV) line is placed in your arm to deliver flu- ids and medications. You are given a sedative and local anesthesia to numb your eye and the sur- rounding area. You remain awake dur- ing the procedure. Your doctor and nurse will make sure you are com- fortable and pain-free. The surgical team uses special techniques to keep your eyes open so you don't have to worry about blinking. The eye surgeon will measure your eye to deter- mine the size of the cornea that is needed, and then cut the donor cornea to the right size. The sur- geon will remove the damaged cornea, then the donor cornea will be stitched into place using very fine nylon sutures (surgical threads).
Once the transplant is in place, the surgeon may adjust the sutures. Your eye will be covered with a soft eye patch and hard eye shield.
Special steroid eye- drops will help prevent your body from rejecting the transplanted cornea. Still, rejection is the most common complication. This happens when the body's immune system identifies the donor cornea as "foreign" and attacks it. In most cases, this can be treated suc- cessfully with medication. The corneal transplant also can become infected. This, too, is usually suc- cessfully treated with medicine.
If there are no donor corneas available, or if several transplants have been rejected, synthetic corneas are available. They are not rejected by the immune system because they are not seen as foreign tissue. Most people find that their vision improves sig- nificantly following a corneal transplant. Expect your vision to improve gradually over a period of months.
experiments with corneal transplantation in the early 20th century. How- ever, it was in December 1954, at Harvard Medical School, that organ trans- plantation began in earnest. The remarkable success of organ trans- plantation is one of medi- cine's great achievements over the past half-century.
There were a few Dr. Komaroff is a
physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115.
Oh Snap! The Daily News wants
your photos: Cute kids,
More outdoors and nature-oriented events that are not sponsored by DFG are on the online calendar at www.dfg.ca.gov/events/.
Adorable pets, Inspirational
sights, Any shot you think readers would enjoy
You might just see it in the Daily News Send pictures to editor@redbluffdailynews.com or drop off at 545 Diamond Ave. in Red Bluff. Include a caption.
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