Up & Coming Weekly

MARCH 17-23, 2010 UCW 7 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM In Myrtle Beach, no one can hear you scream. I learned that recently while watching the UNC versus Dook game while sojourning at the Grand Strand. This has been the winter of our discontent for the Carolina basketball. Today's contribution to world literature will ponder the meaning of the Heels' descent from the glory of their National Championship season into the ash heap of basketball history. How the mighty have fallen. I am currently reading a book about the slide of the Roman Empire into the nastiness of the Medieval period which is an appropriate mirror to refl ect on the decline and fall of Roy's boys. We were in Myrtle Beach to attend the annual meeting of the condo owners at Del Boca Vista where a condo unit owns us. While in Myrtle Beach we observed the dismantling of the Tar Heels by Coach K's Vandals and Ostrogoths. Being part of a condominium association is like being in a large dysfunctional family that has the power to assess you into a state of fi nancial unpleasantness. Like the Roman Empire, you must pay fi nancial tribute to the Condo Association to be allowed to survive. The organization of our particular condo association is very similar to the complexity of the Byzantine Empire. Del Boca Vista has three types of provinces: lodges, towers and villas. Each province has the power to tax itself to pay for colorful and surprising expenses. As former Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall once said, "the power to tax is the power to destroy." As Sheriff Andy Taylor once said, "Never ever mess with the ladies of the Alter Guild and never mess with the condo association." The three provinces combine to form the MPOA which I think stands for Money Paid Over Assessments. The MPOA also has the ability to levy its own taxes. The MPOA hires a management company to run the joint which is like the Romans appointing a regent for a child Emperor. Theoretically the child emperor and the condo owners run the empire but the real power behind the throne is the management company. The management company performs maintenance, collects the taxes and makes the golf carts run on time. There is also a separate company that owns the check-in building and the restaurant. This company is the Super Ego of the whole shooting match. It sends out the room Overlords to inspect condos to be certain they do not fall short of the glory of the landlord. The condos are rated every year on how well they are living up to the Super Ego's standards. If you fall too low on the Super Ego's list you become one of the untouchables and they won't rent your condo to tourists. The annual condo meeting is really pretty cool. Most of the owners appear to be from far north of the Mason Dixon line which means the meetings sometimes have the decorum of a Texas Death Match in the World Wrassling Federation. Confl icting opinions fl y across the room in a blizzard of innuendo and out your window. We have not had any fi st fi ghts yet, but I am always hopeful they will break out. The lady I sat next to kept muttering "This just gets stupider and stupider every year." The end result of the meetings is always the same: raised assessments and dues. After the meeting, we settled back to watch the UNC/Dook game. Carolina is awful this year and unfortunately Dook is pretty good. But to quote 10,000 sports announcers, "when these two ancient rivals get together, you can throw the record book out the window." This year, somebody forgot to open the window. The record book mattered. Dook slaughtered the boys in light blue, 82 to 50. I watched the entire game. It was awful, but like some terrible accident on the interstate, I just had to look. The Duke game was a loss of Shakespearean proportions. We have plenty of room for improvement next year. I just hope Roy does not commit ritual suicide after the ACC tournament. As Hamlet might have said: "Alas, poor Tar Heels! I knew them Horatio; A team of infi nite talents, of most excellent back court abilities. They hath borne my sports hopes on their back a thousand times; and now how abhorred in my imagination they are! My gorge bounces off the rim with them. Here hung those round ball hopes that I have raised I know not how oft. Where are your free throws now?" But the great thing about sports is there is always next year. March may be the cruelest month this year, but as Frank Costanza would say, "Next year the Tar Heels will be like a Phoenix rising from Arizona." Hope springs eternal under a light blue sky. Making Sense of the Insensible by PITT DICKEY PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or editor@upandcomingweekly.com. Dream Big produced and directed by Cassandra Vallery produced and directed by Cassandra Vallery Saturday, March 27, 2010 7:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m. Highland Country Club Diamond Carolina Mortgage Company of Fayetteville Platinum Blackwell and Edwards, Attorneys at Law Family Foods, Inc. / Taco Bell / Long John Silver's "OOFBOE3BOEZ(SFHPSZt%S8FTBOE-VDZ+POFT .BSZ'MBHHBOE+JN)BVHI Gold $BQF'FBS1PEJBUSZ%S%BO-BVU $VNCFSMBOE"OFTUIFTJB"TTPDJBUFT 5IF'BZFUUFWJMMF0CTFSWFStBeth Keeney Morgan Stanley Smith Barney / Patty Collie Silver O u Thank you! Thirteenth Annual Evening at the Theater BB&T Cape Fear Eye Associates, PA Cape Fear Valley Health System Carolina Kidney Care Carolina Regional Radiology, PA Fayetteville Orthopedics and Sports Medicine First Citizens Bank H & H Homes Hendrick Chrysler Jeep 4VTJFBOE#JMM.D'BEZFO$IBSJUBCMF'VOE in honor of Mary Katherine MacRae RE/MAX Choice "Team Fayetteville" Reservoir International %S4BOKFFWBOE4FFNB4MFISJB .ZSPO44USJDLMBOE.% Valley Eye Clinic The Board of Directors of Better Health invites you to an evening of festive food, scrumptious spirits and energetic entertainment featuring Fayetteville's finest theatrical talent! Highland Country Club For more info: 483-7534 O u Better Health has provided 52 yearsPGTFSWJDFUPUIFVOEFSTFSWFEPGPVSDPNNVOJUZ CSJEHJOHUIFHBQJOIFBMUIDBSFCZQSPWJEJOHfinancial assistance for emergency medical and dental needs, diabetes education and management services, medical equipment loans and information and referral. )FMQVTIFMQPVSOFJHICPSTJOOFFE Dream Big

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