Up & Coming Weekly

MARCH 17 - 23, 2010 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Over My Dead Bodypaint I agreed to be in a friend's wedding, and unfortunately, she had to change the date to the day my boyfriend and I were going to Burning Man. When I told him I'd have to go to her wedding instead, he erupted in anger. He wants me to ask her to change the date, and says he'll "never forgive me" if I don't go with him. Now, we were only going to Burning Man together because he couldn't take the whole week off, so instead of going with his friends, he decided to accompany me midweek. I reminded him that we've been to Burning Man six times, and a wedding, presumably, happens once in a lifetime. He called me a hypocrite because I don't believe in marriage, but will "sacrifice my commitment" to him to celebrate her commitment. He argues with such vehemence, I'm beginning to doubt my own judgment and wonder if he's right. He's acted like this before, but it's become less frequent during our five years together. I don't want to believe my boyfriend's a selfish, manipulative ass, so … does he have a point? If not, how do I explain that you don't abandon your friend on her wedding day to run around naked in the desert? —Upset Bridesmaid If your boyfriend's ego were a pimple, it would burst and flood Vermont. He's actually demanding that the bride rebook the church, the caterer, the florist, and the hall, and tell hundreds of her guests to change their plans. What your boyfriend's doing to you is "gaslighting." It's insidious emotional abuse that gets its name from the 1944 Ingrid Bergman movie, Gaslight, about an heiress whose husband makes small changes around their home (like making their gas-powered lights flicker), then denies anything's different, making her believe her sanity's gone off its hinges. In a relationship, writes Dr. Robin Stern in "The Gaslight Effect," you're being gaslighted when somebody relentlessly pressures you to believe the unbelievable and do what you know you shouldn't. Stern explains that the gaslighter "needs to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self and his sense of having power in the world," while the gaslightee allows him to bully away her sense of reality and self because she fears losing his love and approval. Of course, in your case, it could have something to do with not wanting to think you've wasted five years with "a selfish, manipulative ass." (Fart-play suddenly sounding inviting?) There are commitments, and then there are commitments. Clearly, this is less about a wedding than winning. But, in a healthy relationship, winning sometimes means letting the person you care about get their way. A loving boyfriend might be underthrilled that you're attending the wedding, but he won't hammer you about it until you're not sure who you are or what you think. You either need to refuse to engage when he goes bully on you or refuse to stick around for more. Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK in the STARS www.Astrology-101.com ARIES - March 21 thru April 20 Opportunities are excellent for increasing your earning capabilities at workplace. Updating your expertise at a community college is like putting money in the bank. TAURUS - April 21 thru May 21 Romantic and creative interests are spotlighted by the full moon. Getting more fun out of life should be this weeks priority. Joining new groups will widen your horizons. GEMINI - May 22 thru June 21. Focus your attention on your career or business matters. Favorable aspects from your ruling planet (Mercury) work in your behalf in times of great change. CANCER - June 22 thru July 23 An "acre of diamonds" may be right under your feet. Dig a little deeper! New opportunities are all around you. Renew some of the contacts you've seen in the past few months, LEO - July 24 thru August 23 Moon in money sector could bring more support for new opportunities. Promote what you do best for rewards and more recognition. VIRGO - August 24 thru Sept 23 Your sign plays host to this weeks moon. Your special abilities are better than you think. This is a time to accentuate and further the positive things in your life. LIBRA - Sept 24 thru Oct 23 Adaptable Mercury moves thru work sector. Time is right to utilize talents and abilities on the job. Don't allow others to hold you back. Success is in your stars! SCORPIO - Oct 24 thru Nov 22 A most favorable period. Whatever you have been hoping for could come to pass. Mingle with positive people as moon activates your wish fulfi llment sector. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 thru Dec 21 Moon may bring favorable answers as it moves thru your career sector. Welcome an opportunity to explore new horizons. Benefi t from times of change. CAPRICORN - Dec 22 thru Jan 20 Educational updates may open new doors in times of change. You're never too old to learn something new. Travel may bring mew opportunities. AQUARIUS - Jan 21 thru Feb 19 A good time for reassessing your earning ability as Mercury planet of innovation moves thru your money sector. A fi nancial gain is in your stars. PISCES - Feb 20 thru March 20 Resourceful Mercury moves into your sign. Good stellar patterns indicate the time is right to realize gains from ambitions providing you take the initiative. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Pastor John Renken's Xtreme Ministries of Memphis, Tenn., is one of a supposedly growing number of churches that use "mixed martial arts" events to recruit wayward young men to the Christian gospel. Typically, after leading his fl ock in solemn prayer to a loving God, Pastor Renken adjourns the session to the back room, where a New York Times reporter found him in February shouting encouragement to his violent parishioners: "Hard punches!" Renken yelled. "Finish the fi ght! To the head! To the head!" One participant told the Times that fi ght nights bring a greater masculinity to religion, which he said had, in recent years, gone soft. [New York Times, 2-2-10] Government in Action! Over-Connecting the Dots: At age 8, Mike Hicks is a frequent air traveler with his mother, and while she is seldom noticed by airport screeners, "Mikey" almost always is because he shares a name with someone on the enhanced-security list that is one level below "no fl y" (one of 1,600 such Michael Hickses in the U.S.). His mom told The New York Times in January that Mikey has been patted down by security since he was 2. [New York Times, 1-14-10] But sometimes government under- connects the dots. Delaware pediatrician Earl Bradley's January arrest and February indictment for allegedly sexually molesting 103 children came only after he was cleared in two police investigations in three years, involving eight complaints, and despite one ex- colleague's routinely referring to Dr. Bradley as a "pedophile." [Wilmington News Journal- USA Today, 2-24-10] Better Late Than Never? Ten days after Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab nearly brought down the Christmas Day airliner over Detroit, the State Department offi cially revoked his visa. [Detroit News, 1-4-10] Eight days after the Christmas Eve demolition of Minneapolis' historic Fjelde House (as a fi re hazard), the Minneapolis Heritage Preservation Commission awarded the site "interim protection" for its historic value. [Star Tribune, 1-3-10] Too Much Diversity: In January, the U.S. Justice Department's Civil Rights Division posted a job announcement supposedly in line with current affi rmative-action policy. The division is seeking "experienced attorneys" and was encouraging "qualifi ed applicants with targeted disabilities" to apply. Legally protected "targeted disabilities" include the traditional, such as blindness, but also "mental retardation." [Job Announcement cited in Volokh Conspiracy blog, 2-3-10] In February, aspirants for taxicab licenses in Portsmouth, England, were offi cially informed by the City Council that application forms are available in other languages or in "audio," "large print" or "Braille." [Daily Telegraph, 1-30-10] When "You Lie!" Doesn't Quite Capture the Moment: Legislator Abel LeBlanc was suspended from Canada's New Brunswick Assembly in February for giving middle-fi nger salutes to two colleagues, calling one a "punk" and declaring himself ready to "walk outside with any one of yas here." "Don't ever laugh at me," he continued. "Yes, I gave you that (the fi nger). And I'll give you that again. And (to another colleague) I'll give you this (fi nger) if you want to go outside." [Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 2-11-10]

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