Red Bluff Daily News

December 21, 2016

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GregStevens,Publisher Chip Thompson, Editor EDITORIALBOARD How to have your say: Letters must be signed and provide the writer's home street address and home phone number. Anonymous letters, open letters to others, pen names and petition-style letters will not be allowed. Letters should be typed and no more than two double-spaced pages or 500words. When several letters address the same issue, a cross section will be published. Email: editor@ redbluffdailynews.com Fax: 530-527-9251 Mail to: P.O. Box 220, 728Main St., Red Bluff, CA 96080 Facebook: Leave comments at FACEBOOK.COM/ RBDAILYNEWS Twitter: Follow and send tweets to @REDBLUFFNEWS Well,thebigdayisalmost here. Only four more days un- til we wrap up this year's ver- sion of Christ- mas. While giving and re- ceiving gifts continues to be the primary at- tention grab- ber, I would like to take a mo- ment to discuss the less publicized but per- haps more important tradi- tion of exchanging Christmas greetings. When I was a child so very long ago, it was a tradition to send and receive beauti- ful Norman Rockwell-styled Christmas cards that were of- ten ordered from a catalogue or from a member of the local Boy Scout troop. Every card in the box was exactly the same and every card was dutifully filled with exciting personal- ized information, hand writ- ten by the sender. Sadly, traditional Christ- mas greeting cards are fast suffering the same fate as the downtown ten-cent pay phone. Very few exist. Good, bad or otherwise, personal Christmas cards are be- ing replaced by the family photo card or—worse yet— the dreaded annual Christ- mas letter. I guess the family photo card is okay, but it takes a lot of work. It can be a tough job getting all the fam- ily scrubbed up and in one place at the same time; and, frankly, sometimes family members don't look that at- tractive even when they are scrubbed up. Not to be mean- spirited, but some of you might want to borrow or rent more attractive family mem- bers if you plan to send family photo cards next Christmas. As bad as family photo cards might be, they are far superior to the annual Christ- mas letter. Not only are most Christmas letters produced in a cookie cutter, generic, one size fits all manner, they are mostly designed to convince recipients that the sender en- joys an almost idyllic exis- tence. Let me demonstrate by sharing with you a typi- cal Christmas letter you will likely receive, followed by a more honest and accurate ver- sion of what the same letter should really say. The letter you receive Dear friends, Mervin and I thought we would take time out of this wonderful holiday season to share with you all the exciting things taking place in our far too busy lives. In June Mervin finally retired from his job with 7-Eleven after a distinguished 23-year career. He was offered a pretty exciting new posi- tion with a competing busi- ness in the same industry but decided to turn it down in or- der to spend more time with me, and especially our chil- dren and seven lovely grand- children. Since retiring, Mervin is a changed man. He is much more relaxed, and enjoys put- tering around in the garage with his newfound talent in woodworking. He works out every day, but does not overdo it as he real- izes that sufficient rest is im- portant too. He tries to get me involved in his exercise routine, but I am far too busy keeping up with my hobbies. We are so very fortunate to have our children and grand- children living nearby, and we count our blessings that they include us in their daily lives. Each of the grandchildren is brilliant as well as a supe- rior athlete, and we are de- lighted to attend each and ev- ery game they play. We travel a lot, and even bought a big fancy RV with all the comforts of home. We have only owned it for a few months, but have already travelled to many exciting places. I was pretty concerned that when Mervin retired we might be spending too much time together; but I am pleas- antly surprised that even though we spend almost all of our time under the same roof, we have never been happier. We will celebrate our 50th an- niversary next month, and are thinking about renewing our vows. Well, enough about us. We hope things are great with you and your beautiful fam- ily as well. Wishing you a merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year, Mervin and Maude What the letter really says Dear friends, Mervin and I are writing this letter to bring you up to date regarding our pitiful lives. In June Mervin was caught sleeping on the job again and he was let go from his ca- shier job with 7-Eleven af- ter 23 miserable years work- ing the night shift. He applied for a job with the Last Stop Mini Mart, but they said they couldn't hire him because he didn't have teeth. Since getting canned, Mervin is even worse than be- fore. He spends most of his days lying on the couch in his underwear, only occasionally wandering out to the garage where it looks like he is trying to carve a fish out of a block of wood with his buck knife. The only exercise Mervin ever gets is walking to and from the garage refrigera- tor to grab another cold beer to drink while lying on the couch to watch the House- wives of Beverly Hills. He's al- ways yelling at me to get him another "cold one," but I don't have time because I've gone back to knitting sweaters for the abandoned Pot Bellied Pig shelter. As you might know, we live near our children, neither of who can hold a job, along with our seven grandchildren. The grandchildren are real brats and our kids, neither of who graduated high school, have taken to home schooling the grand kids. That's going turn out bad, for sure. The grand kids all play sports 'cause their folks make them play, but to be honest there isn't one of them any good. Mervin and me hate soccer. The neighbor, (Gus) gave Mervin and me a 1986 pop up tent trailer. It's got a ripped top and the "crapper" ain't been emptied in a while but other than that it is pretty good. After Mervin got canned it got so I couldn't stand the sight of him so I moved my stuff and me into the back bedroom. We been married almost 50 years, and if I leave now I will lose his Social Se- curity, so I guess I am stuck. We sure hope we have a better next year. Mervin and Maude ••• Merry Christmas everyone. BillCorneliusisalifelong resident of Red Bluff, a retired Chief Probation Officer, a champion of the State Theatre and an exceptional athlete. He can be reached at bill. cornelius@sbcglobal.net. William Tells Thescourgeofthe Christmas letter Cartoonist's take Network news anchor Brent Fullworth: We bring you a live update on the birth of Jesus Christ from our correspondent, Bethany Smug, who is standing by in Bethlehem. Bethany? Bethany: Brent, what we know is that a carpen- ter named Jo- seph and his alleged virgin wife, Mary, traveled from Naz- areth to Bethlehem to pay a tax that had been decreed by Cae- sar Augustus. It's rumored the two were delinquent, but finally consented to pay. Brent: A couple of tea-party types, Bethany? Bethany: That's the rumor, Brent. When they arrived, they couldn't find a room at the inn — even though Mary was with child — because of the heartless cuts Republicans made to hous- ing vouchers. Brent: By electing conser- vatives, don't these tea par- tiers understand they are vot- ing against their own inter- ests, Bethany? One other thing puzzles me: You said Mary was with child? How can that be if she is a virgin? Bethany: An alleged virgin, Brent. Members of the religious right are making the ludicrous claim that the child is a result of some kind of miracle. Brent: Sounds to me like Mary and Joseph concocted this "miracle" tale to conceal something. Bethany: No doubt, Brent. In any event, the baby Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a manger. Brent: Why didn't Joseph take Mary to a hospital? Bethany: Republican cuts to government health care would be my guess, Brent. This story gets more bizarre. The religious right claims that when the baby Jesus was born, shepherds in nearby fields saw angels appear. The angels allegedly declared that the "Savior" was born and that his name was Jesus Christ. Brent: There must be a scien- tific explanation. Bethany: Whatever the case, the religious right also claims that when Jesus was born, a star shone bright over Bethle- hem. And that three kings hun- dreds of miles away saw the star. They followed it for many days until they arrived at the stable. They brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Then they returned to their lands to spread the news. Brent (laughing): What the heck is frankincense and myrrh? Bethany (snorts): Beats me, Brent. To add drama to this in- credible tale, King Herod has fallen for the absurd claims spread by the religious right. The king is threatened by alle- gations that the baby Jesus is the "Savior" and the "Messiah." He has ordered that Jesus be killed. Brent: That's no laughing matter, Bethany. Bethany: Sources tell me the young family just fled Bethle- hem with King Herod's men hot on its tail. Brent: Hold on, Bethany. Our satellite cameras have located a small family heading for Egypt. We can see a man walking next to a donkey. A woman is sit- ting on the donkey, holding a baby in her arms. At the top of the screen, you can see King Herod's army searching in vain. The army is headed east, un- aware that the young family is headed west. Bethany: How far away is the army from the family? Brent: According to our sat- ellite technology, the family is exactly 8 miles east of Egypt's border. King Herod's army is only 5 miles east of the fam- ily. Wait, it appears that King Herod's army has abruptly changed direction. The army is heading toward the family at a rapid clip. Bethany (laughing): Sounds like somebody tipped them off, Brent! Brent: We need to break for commercial, but when we come back, we'll bring you the lat- est on the birth of Jesus Christ. Will the young family survive? The answer when we return. Tom Purcell, author of "Misadventures of a 1970s Childhood" and "Wicked Is the Whiskey," a Sean McClanahan mystery novel, both available at Amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist. Send comments to Tom@TomPurcell.com. Tom Purcell If the media covered Jesus' birth Not only are most Christmas letters produced in a cookie cutter, generic, one size fits all manner, they are mostly designed to convince recipients that the sender enjoys an almost idyllic existence. Bill Cornelius Tom Purcell Over the past week, eastern Aleppo was completely brought back under control of the Syr- ian government. The popu- lation began to return to its homes, many of which were abandoned when al-Qaeda- linked rebels took over in 2012. As far as I know, the west- ern mainstream media did not have a single reporter on the ground in Aleppo, but relied on "activists" to inform us that the Syrian army was massa- cring the civilian population. It hardly makes sense for an army to fight and defeat armed rebels just so it can go in and murder unarmed civilians, but then again not much main- stream reporting on the trag- edy in Syria has made sense. I spoke to one western jour- nalist last week who actually did report from Aleppo and she painted a very different picture of what was going on there. She conducted video in- terviews with dozens of local residents and they told of be- ing held hostage and starved by the "rebels," many of whom were using US-supplied weap- ons supposed to go to "moder- ates." We cannot be sure what ex- actly is happening in Aleppo, but we do know a few things about what happened in Syria over the past five years. This was no popular uprising to overthrow a dictator and bring in democracy. From the mo- ment President Obama de- clared "Assad must go" and ap- proved sending in weapons, it was obvious this was a foreign- sponsored regime change op- eration that used foreign fight- ers against Syrian government forces. If the Syrian people re- ally opposed Assad, there is no way he could have survived five years of attack from foreigners and his own people. Recently we heard that the CIA and Hillary Clinton be- lieve that the Russians are be- hind leaked Democratic Na- tional Committee docu- ments, and that the leaks were meant to influence the US presidential election in Don- ald Trump's favor. These are the same people who for the past five years have been be- hind the violent overthrow of the Syrian government, which has cost the lives of hundreds of thousands. Isn't support- ing violent overthrow to in- fluence who runs a country even worse than leaking docu- ments? Is it OK when we do it? Why? Because we are the most powerful country? We are a country sitting on $20 trillion in debt, living far beyond our means. Power can oftentimes be an illusion, and in any case it doesn't last for- ever. We can be sure that the example we set while we are the most powerful country will be followed by those who may one day take our place. The hypocrisy of our political leaders who say one thing and do another does not go unno- ticed. We should end that hypoc- risy starting with Syria. That government, along with its al- lies, seems to be on track to take their country back from ISIS, al-Qaeda, and other ter- rorist groups. The only sensible Syria pol- icy is for the US to stop try- ing to overthrow their gov- ernment, to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves. It is a rule that is always good to remember, but perhaps es- pecially important to recall at this time of year. Ron Paul is a former Congressman and Presidential candidate. He can be reached at the RonPaulInstitute.org. Ron Paul A er Aleppo, we need a new Syria policy OPINION » redbluffdailynews.com Wednesday, December 21, 2016 » MORE AT FACEBOOK.COM/RBDAILYNEWS AND TWITTER.COM/REDBLUFFNEWS A4

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