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FEATURES Dear Annie: My hus- band and I are in our 60s and have been married for 28 years. We recently retired. My husband and I both enjoy stopping at neighborhood bars for a drink before dinner, but I've noticed that he indulges quite a lot and often starts at lunchtime. The problem is, after he has had a few glass- es of wine, he begins to get a little forward with the female servers. He kisses the hand of the waitress, which I believe is his way of showing appreciation. grumpy if I try to leave too soon, because he always thinks he is fine. It also means I have to cut short my own enjoyment. We have been lucky that Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar hard work these young women do. However, in the latest episode, he grabbed a waitress's hand and held it for what seemed to be an unnec- essarily long time. I thought the waitress should have withdrawn her hand, and I asked her what she was still doing there. I did not make a big fuss, but she withdrew her hand and left, visibly upset. I realize that I was rude, but it seemed like my husband was unaware of the consequences of his actions. Since then, I have avoided going back to that bar, but I don't know a permanent solution to this kind of embarrassment. Should I avoid going to a bar after my husband has had one too many? That means we cannot stay at a bar longer than 45 minutes, because he drinks quickly. He gets I support his empathy for the Friday, June 22, 2012 – Daily News 5A Husband turns into a flirt when tipsy we've avoided any incidents with law enforcement per- sonnel. I need your counsel. — Uncertain and Afraid Dear Uncertain: Please flirting and keep it within accept- able bounds. If he starts at lunch, it sounds as if he is developing a seri- ous drinking problem. Don't be naive about it. Contact Al-Anon (al- anon.alateen.org) for more informa- tion. don't blame the waitresses for your husband's inappro- priate behavior. He is drink- ing too much to control his have been married for 30 years. My son (his stepson) is in his 40s and is married with two young sons. The problem is, my husband refuses to treat the grandchildren as his own. It is awkward when I spend time with them and my husband stays home. But it also makes my son feel terrible, and it breaks my heart. I've tried everything to get my husband to feel differently, but he won't budge. It's starting to affect our marriage, as we spend less time together with the family. I love my husband, but I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with my son and his family. Any advice? — Sad Mom Dear Annie: My husband and I to ''No Good Solution for this Arithmetic Problem,'' who asked how to divide the costs for a vaca- tion rental between three families of differing sizes coming from differ- ent locations. I would divide half of the cost in thirds, and the other half would be divided according to the number attending. This is both a compro- mise and a reflection of the fact that part of the costs are per family and some of the costs are per person. — Simi Valley, Calif. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Lots of love for Team Psycho in June I won't be fighting in Redding in July for any title like I had originally thought. The promoter let me know that I would have to get down to 115, would be getting paid the same (which was not a worthwhile amount) and would not be fighting for the title he had previously offered because he felt my record did not yet deem a title shot. Whatever, as I said before, it is not my preference to fight locally anyhow. Too much stress, too much local drama. I knew something bet- ter would come along, and it did. I got an offer for a fight in Nashville at a more reasonable weight (120) and a good purse. The only problem was they would only fly 2 of us out, and I have to have my coach, Mike Chu, with me for this fight. We could not afford the cost of the extra ticket and were looking for sponsors when my friend, and Psy- cho Instructor, Allison Marshall stepped up and offered to put on a car wash to raise money. She, and the following good hearted souls, gave up a Saturday to wash cars (and dogs) to raise funds for my fight. I can't thank you all enough for your over $300 contribution. Thank you All- sion Marshall and daughter, Jennifer, son, Quintin and son, Truman. Thank you Charleen Crespin and sons Nicholas and Austin. Thank you Trish Jantzen and son Avery Michael. Thank you Can- die Clark Voogd and son Andrew. Thank you Aurora Barriga, AnnElyse Hays, Donelle Chox Lazott, Nathaniel Diaz, Brenda Swain and Michelle Dunn. And thank you to everyone who brought their cars or dogs by or gave a dona- tion to the cause. Red Bluff rocks. With your help, I can afford to bring my coach with me to my fight. I need him — this is a high level fight. It will be nationally tele- vised on HD NET on June 22. If I win, I may get a crack at my hero, Tara La Rosa. Vilche Fitness Buff fight (amateur). She fought at Bluelake Casino on June 9. The agreed weight was 115 pounds. Denise trained hard, diet- ed proper and came in at just over 112. Her oppo- nent, who had 6 fights under her belt, came in around 120. I was very ly, I could not be at the car wash. I was too busy supporting Denise Bruckner at her first mma Unfortunate- LASSEN MEDICAL GROUP 731 Main Street Suite 1A Red Bluff, Ca. 96080 Abbey Loso ~ Owner of Abbey's Hair Works 19 Years Experience in the Industry as a Hairstylist, Salon Owner & Beauty School Instructor Certified Framesi Master Colorist Highlights~Lowlights~Corrective Color~ Trendy Cuts~ Razor Cuts & Fades Specializing in: Abbey's philosophy is to offer superior service at a reasonable cost. Absolutely no price gouging! Buy 6 haircuts get the 7TH 530-276-3364 FREE www.abbeyshairworks.com Expands Red Bluff Urgent Care to 7 days a week. www.lassenmedical.com 2450 Sister Mary Columba Drive (530) 527-0414 upset. I let her team know that she'd need to make a considerable effort to make weight if my girl was to still fight her. I came down to meet her at the scales several times until 1:30 a.m. — she got down to 117 and looked to be in pretty bad shape. Denise agreed to fight her no matter what, so I let her know that she would take the fight but we'd be taking part of her purse (the travel monies given by the promoter). She agreed to this. I was very nervous for Denise. She would be fac- ing a big girl (who would hydrate to probably over 124) who was younger (in her 20s) and much more experienced (6 fights). knew that Denise had the heart and the skills and the endurance to do it. I knew she could win, but anything can happen in a fight. In the cage, they tapped gloves and it was on. They met in the mid- Sierra Sound Car Audio 35th $ 226 So. Main St., Red Bluff 527-3735 All CD's 13.99 Anniversary Sale or less I dle and were throwing all kinds of leather at each other. They made it through the first round, and we (John and I) felt like Denise was the more skilled and powerful fighter. I cooled her down and wiped off her face and told her to push the action — because if it went to a decision, she could lose this fight. The second round started and Denise went right after it. She caught her in a vicious guillotine choke, dropped down and stretched her out until she tapped like her life depended on it. John and I ran into the cage cheering. I was, and still am, so proud of her. I puffed up like a peacock. I don't think I've ever seen a smile so big on her face either. The crowd went wild; she had totally turned them all to her favor. She was the under- dog in this fight. After the fight, we were all excited in the locker room — everyone was patting her on the back. I noticed that she had a bump on one side of her nose — it was a bit crooked. I told her I'd need to fix it. I took a towel, had her take a deep breath and I tweaked it back into place. Danged if it didn't work. First time I'd ever fixed a nose, and I was glad it bounced back. Denise was scheduled Dear Sad: We assume your hus- band helped raise your son. We are amazed and disappointed that he doesn't feel close enough to him to treat the grandchildren with more affection. Has your husband always been distant from your son? If it's a relatively new reaction, suggest that he get a thorough physical from his doctor. Behav- ioral changes can indicate medical problems. Otherwise, spend as much time with your son and his family as you wish. Do not make excuses for your husband. He is what he is, take it or leave it. Dear Annie: This is in response Asecond look at the pain of colposcopy In a recent col- umn, I described a procedure called colposcopy, which a woman's cervix is examined and, if necessary, biopsied to look for evidence of cancer. in During the pro- cedure, the cervix is washed with a vinegar solution and then examined with a magnify- ing glass. The vinegar solution makes it easier to see areas of the cervix that may be undergoing can- cerous change. I described the procedure as "general- ly safe and painless ... but you may experience some mild cramping or a little discomfort." A few readers wrote me to strongly disagree with my wording. One said that the vinegar wash burned. All said a biopsy of the cervix was painful. Needless to say, I have not myself experienced a colposcopy. So I asked three gynecology col- leagues here at Harvard about their experience. Two are women, one is a man. Here is what they told me: Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. relaxing drug, such as midazolam (Versed), a few hours before the pro- cedure. All of my col- leagues said that a small fraction of their patients are more sensitive to pain than others. For these patients, the gynecologists recommended some sort of pain medicine and a hour before the procedure. All three colleagues agreed that their patients had never reported severe pain when the vinegar was applied. Instead, they said that some women described a brief (a few seconds) stinging sensa- tion. How many women? One female gynecologist said "many" have brief stinging. The other female gynecologist said "very few." The male gynecolo- gist said "only 5 percent." What did my col- leagues say about pain when a biopsy is per- formed? All three agreed that there was brief (again, just seconds) pain. Their patients said it felt like a "pinch." When I asked my col- leagues whether they gave patients any medicine before the procedure to reduce the pain they might experience, the two female gynecologists said they advised their patients to take one dose of over- the-counter ibuprofen an One of the female gynecologists told me she had very few patients who asked that anesthesia be used to knock out any pain the procedure might cause. She said that regional anesthesia — injection of a drug to numb the nerves leading to the cervix — was safe, but injecting the drug itself was about as painful as the colposcopy itself. On rare occasions, she had used general anesthesia (the kind that makes you unconscious) when the patient appeared to have experienced pain with a past procedure and was reluctant to have it again without anesthesia. So here's my conclu- sion from the letters I received and from the dis- cussions I had with my gynecologist colleagues: Most women who have a colposcopy experience a few brief seconds of dis- comfort. Prescribing one dose of ibuprofen about an hour before the procedure makes sense. When a patient has had severe dis- comfort or pain in the past — an experience they do not want to repeat — it's reasonable to give a more potent pain medicine and intravenous sedative just before the procedure. My thanks to the read- ers who asked me to take a second look into this issue. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Grants awarded to fight again on June 30, but with the broken nose, we decided she needed more time to heal between bouts. She is back in the gym, raring to go and can't wait for her next fight. I believe she will see another victory. One thing is for certain, it is so much more stressful to watch your friend fight than it is to be in the cage yourself. Avery Vilche is a profes- sional MMA fighter and fit- ness instructor who owns Psycho Fitness & MMA, 1450 Schwab St. in Red Bluff. You can reach her at 200-0526 or by e-mail at vilcheavery@yahoo.com. awarded funding through the recent cycle: •Alternatives to Violence $13,000 for bedroom fur- nishings in the new domestic violence shelter. • Northern Valley Catholic Social Service $18,000 to replace public access and classroom computers in Fam- ily Resource Centers in Corning and Red Bluff. The Community Foundation's McConnell Fund grantmaking program serves Modoc, Shasta, Siskiyou, Tehama and Trinity Counties with grants each spring and fall. For more information about future deadlines and the other funds of the Community Foundation visit the Community Foundation Website: www.shastarcf.org. Expungement workshop SOS is holding its next Expungement Workshop at 4 p.m. on Tuesday, June 26, at California State Universi- ty, Chico Bell Memorial Student Union (BMU) Rm 209, 400 W. First St., in Chico. At this workshop we will be assisting in completing the criminal record expungement petition and the accompanying fee waiver. Bring a copy of your crimi- nal record. For instructions on how to attain your record, visit www.StartingOverStrong.com. In addition, in order to qualify for expungement, you must owe no fines or restitution, have completed pro- bation and must not currently have pending charges. A $5 donation is requested. For more information visit www.StartingOverStrong.com. 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