Up & Coming Weekly

FEBRUARY 17 - 23, 2010 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Thick And Tired of It In the two years I've been with my boyfriend, I've gained 40 pounds. I was unemployed, got lazy, blah, blah, blah. I've been trying to slim down without success, probably because I feel so bad about myself now. But, is it normal for a man to withdraw all affection when his partner gains weight? My boyfriend hasn't kissed me or had sex with me in over a year. He won't even put his arm around me. He'll hug me if I ask him, but that's all. Aren't you supposed to love your partner for who they are, even if they gain weight or get cancer and have chemo and lose their hair? I'm certain he isn't cheating, and he says he doesn't want to break up. But, say I lose weight, and he regains interest. Can I ever forgive him for what he's put me through? — Fatty With A Dream In two years, you've put on the equivalent of a 5-year-old child about to outgrow his car seat. Love might be blind, but male lust usually has a weight limit. Male sexuality is highly visual. While most women are picky about men's height, women across cultures prioritize finding a partner with money and mojo. The sad thing is, if you're like so many Fatty Pattys desperately trying to lose weight, you've probably been approaching it all wrong — thanks to the advice of your doctor, Dr. Oz, much of the medical establishment, and numerous supposed scientists at prestigious universities. For actual evidence-based science on losing weight, sans hunger and suffering, turn to Dr. Michael Eades' blog at proteinpower.com and to investigative science journalist Gary Taubes' exhaustively researched book "Good Calories, Bad Calories." Taubes shows that it's carbohydrates — sugar, flour, and easily digested starches like potatoes — that drive the excess insulin secretion that puts on fat. Per Taubes' title, it seems a calorie is not a calorie, and the fewer carbs you eat, the slinkier you will be. Now, maybe your boyfriend's affection strike is utterly unconnected to your weight, but chances are, he's angry and resentful that he's got a girlfriend whose panties are beginning to resemble a parasail. So, why isn't he putting his arms through the leg slots and sailing off a tall building to safety? Maybe he still loves you; maybe he's too lazy to leave. Or, maybe he's trying to drive you away because he feels bad about breaking up over your looks — or even suggesting you step down as International Hausfrau of Pancakes: "Hey, Buffet Queen, either lose your 40 pounds or wave goodbye to my 175." Since gaining 40 pounds isn't "Got a little absent-minded while holding a bag of Doritos," it seems it wasn't an empty stomach you were trying to fill. Clearly, you not only need to lose weight but to deal with why you packed it on. Whether your boyfriend will come around and whether you'll forgive him is anyone's guess. Whether you're willing to put up with a boyfriend who won't put out — not even a hug, without being asked — is the looming question at present. Whatever you decide, it helps to accept that, as a woman, you need to do the very best you can with what you have. Sure, inner beauty counts for a lot, but it isn't slimming. And while the average guy doesn't want Kate Moss, he isn't into Kate Moose, either. Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK in the STARS www.Astrology-101.com ARIES - March 21 thru April 20 Sector of romance, good times and sensible speculation opportunities has favorable aspects. Actions you take will have worthwhile results. Expect a nice surprise. TAURUS - April 21 thru May 21 What you believe can be achieved. Sector of hope is where this week's focus should be. A positive attitude helps to bring about changes for the better. GEMINI - May 22 thru June 21. Educational concerns and matters from distant places may be in your spotlight this week. Efforts you put forth are certain to bring rewards and recognition. CANCER - June 22 thru July 23 A most favorable period. Whatever you have been hoping for may come to pass as your ruling sign (Moon) moves thru sector of wishes, think positive! LEO - July 24 thru August 23 Follow your star! Sun, your cosmic ruler has favorable aspects in your investment sector. There's money to be made by leo's wise enough to listen to trusted advisors. VIRGO - August 24 thru Sept 23 Flaunt your abilities at workplace. You are better than you think! Express your talents to those who count. Your skills can be moneymakers in times of change LIBRA - Sept 24 thru Oct 23 Opportunities for those with creative ability are excellent. In job related matters show your abilities to decision makers. Your talents will be rewarded. SCORPIO - Oct 24 thru Nov 22 Favorable aspects in your togetherness sector pave the way for new meaningful relationships. Times of change bring improved conditions. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 thru Dec 21 Be ready to make important decisions regarding real estate or other domestic matters. Loans or backing from others should not be diffi cult to obtain. CAPRICORN - Dec 22 thru Jan 20 If you've done your "homework" the stars may help you move another rung up on the career ladder of success. You should easily win the support of bosses. AQUARIUS - Jan 21 thru Feb 19 Conferences with trusted fi nancial advisors should work to your advantage. You should do well in Fortune 500 companies that are involved with advanced technology. PISCES - Feb 20 thru March 20 Expect new opportunities to improve your position with good aspects to your ruling planet (Neptune). Believe in your abilities to succeed and you will. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In January, U.S. Customs and Border Protection offi cers confi scated a live, jeweled beetle that a woman was wearing as an "accessory" on her sweater as she crossed into Brownsville, Texas, from Mexico. Blue jewels were glued onto the beetle's back, which had been painted gold, and the mobile brooch was tethered by a gold chain attached to a safety pin. Even though the woman orally "declared" the animal, the beetle was confi scated because she had not completed the bureau's PPQ Form 526, which is necessary to bring insects into the country. Reportedly, such jewelry is not that rare in Mexico. A spokesperson for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was, of course, appalled. [Brownsville Herald, 1-21- 10; The Guardian (London), 1-22-10] The Entrepreneurial Spirit Economic Recovery in Denver: As of early January, at least 390 new Denver businesses had applied for sales-tax licenses as dispensaries for legal (medicinal) marijuana. By comparison, Starbucks coffee shops number 208 in the entire state of Colorado. Among the fi rst cannabis-centered businesses to open, in December, was the Ganja Gourmet on South Broadway, featuring lasagna, pizza, jambalaya, paella, fl avored cheesecakes and other delicacies, all "spiced" appropriately for customers with doctors' prescriptions. [KMGH-TV (Denver), 1-5-10] [KCNC-TV (Denver), 12-9-09] Jeweler Colin Burn, of Broome, Australia, announced in October at the Asia Adult Expo in Macau that he will make the world's most expensive "personal vibrator," in 10 limited editions, out of smooth platinum, each with 1,500 white diamonds. He said he planned to shoot for a price of $1 million (U.S.) and noted that he currently offers a similar sex toy with only 450 diamonds (but with a handle made of rare conkerberry wood) that he sells for $38,000. [Forbes, 12-10-09] Professor Yevgeny Moskalev of Russia's St. Petersburg Technological University announced in November that he had perfected a somewhat-useful powdered version of Russia's favorite drink (vodka). However, after much experimentation, he had found that the only way to preserve the alcohol was by mixing the liquid vodka into a special wax and letting it harden. According to a November report in the English language version of Pravda, the resulting shaved chips could then be fl avored to counteract the wax's insipidness, and might be used for cooking or medicine. "Instant vodka" mix for straight drinking does not appear to be in professor Moskalev's plans. [Pravda, 11-27-09] In 2008, Sweden, one of only seven countries with embassies in North Korea, began trying to coax that country into the global economy by encouraging the manufacture of jeans, which Sweden in turn would arrange for sale in high-end stores. After a series of awkward missteps (e.g., a textile manufacturer, unfamiliar with the concept of "jeans," said no, but the director of a mining company decided to accept the project), 1,100 pairs were fi nally shipped and priced at the equivalent of about $215 a pair, according to a December Reuters dispatch from Stockholm. (The "NoKo" jeans were initially given shelf space in at least one store, but now are offered only on the store's Web site.) [Reuters. 12-1-09]

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