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4B Daily News – Thursday, June 7, 2012 FEATURES Woman can't change cad of a husband Dear Annie: I am 58 and have been married to ''Hank'' for 24 years. I have two children from a previous marriage, and Hank and I have a 21-year-old son together. I've tried every- thing to be a good wife, but Hank never has been affectionate, and our sex life is nonexistent. Several years ago, I learned that he has cheated on me for most of our marriage. My older son caught him the first time, and I made Hank move out. We went to counsel- ing, and I let him come back home, although I believe the only reason he returned was because of our son. Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar but it didn't. I dis- covered he has been seeing this woman for at least 12 years. I love my husband, but won't tolerate sharing him any- more. Recently, I received calls telling me Hank was cheating again, but he denied it. I finally hired a private investigator, who confirmed that Hank was having an affair. I told him to leave her alone and thought that would end it, Hank knows if he leaves, his son will despise him and he won't be able to see the grandchildren. Should I talk to the Other Woman and ask her to stop seeing him? What do I do? — Desperate in Indiana Dear Indiana: Contact- ing the Other Woman will not produce the result you want: for Hank to stop cheating. He is unhappy in his marriage and thinks this gives him license to ignore his wedding vows. It does not. But you are also unhappy, twisting yourself into knots, trying to make Hank a faithful, loving hus- band. It isn't working. Get I knew when we married that we weren't soul mates, but I felt we could have a good marriage. some counseling. Find out what it's worth to you to keep your marriage intact and what your next step should be. Dear Annie: My daughter and son-in-law had a little celebration for my grandson's first birth- day. The baby gets fussy in big crowds, and their house is small, so they decided to invite only the grandpar- ents. party, I received an angry email from a niece stating, ''How nice it would have been to actually have been invited to the party.'' She copied all of my relatives. I responded, explaining why the guest list was so small, and chastised her for com- plaining in front of the entire family. Then her mother (my husband's sis- ter) sent an email chewing me out, saying she and her husband were hurt because they weren't invited, either, and accused me of ''attack- ing'' my niece. My broth- er-in-law sent my daughter a text message saying the same thing. Several days after the I apologized to my niece for chastising her, but I was thoroughly annoyed. I don't think my daughter and son-in-law did any- thing wrong by keeping the party small. I feel these rel- atives were very rude. How could we have handled this situation better? — Fed Up in Cornwall, Pa. Dear Fed Up: Your daughter did nothing wrong. Your niece and her parents are thin-skinned and hypersensitive. You could have replied, ''We're so sorry you felt slighted. It was not intentional. Only grandparents were invit- ed.'' Then ignore them. was unhappy that his stepchildren don't call him ''Dad.'' You failed to give Bob your usual good advice: to get a complete medical checkup. Dear Annie: ''Bob'' drawing from family mem- bers who love him and waking up at 3:30 a.m. feeling despondent. I hap- pen to know that an under- active thyroid can cause those symptoms, and few doctors check that in men. — R. Bob said he is with- Dear R.: Thank you so much for mentioning this possibility. Other readers pointed out that Bob's obsessive focus on his title could indicate depression. We love how our readers look out for one another. We hope Bob will schedule a complete checkup soon and ask his physician to check for these things. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Treatment for laryngitis is specific to cause TOR K: What could be causing my chronic laryn- gitis? And what can I do about it? DEAR READ- ER: Laryngitis is an inflammation of the larynx — the "voice box" that contains the vocal cords. The condi- tion is called chronic laryngitis when hoarseness, the most com- mon symptom, lasts for at least two weeks. DEAR DOC- Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. When my patients have certain cancers. Cancer of the vocal cords can occur. Also, some- times an enlarging lung cancer can pinch the nerve that controls the muscles of the vocal cords. Chronic laryngitis isn't caused by infection. Among adults, the most common causes of chronic laryngitis are: — Voice abuse or mis- use: Talking too much or too loudly. — Smoking. heavily. — Drinking alcohol — Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD): Stomach acids flow back- ward (reflux) into the esophagus and throat, irri- tating the vocal cords. — Work-related expo- sure to chemicals or dusts that irritate the vocal cords. To figure out what's causing your chronic laryn- gitis, your doctor will review your symptoms. Then he or she will ask about the risk factors above. Your doctor will ask for a list of all medications you take. Some medications, including antihistamines and cough suppressants, can cause hoarseness. Your doctor will examine your mouth, throat, nose, ears and the lymph nodes in your neck. He or she will carefully examine your lar- ynx. Additional tests may check for acid reflux. Hoarseness that doesn't go away or keeps coming back can be a symptom of them to an ear, nose and throat specialist. That spe- cialist has special equip- ment that lets him see the vocal cords directly. Can- cer still is quite unusual. More often, the specialist sees that the vocal cords have been irritated by ciga- rette smoke, stomach acid or something in the air the person breathes. hoarseness that persists, I send a always stay well hydrated to help keep your vocal cords moist. And use a humidifier at home. No matter the cause, If your chronic laryngi- tis is due to irritation, then it will improve if you reduce your exposure to whatever substance is affecting your vocal cords. If your condition is due If GERD is the culprit, ask your doctor about strategies to control your reflux and reduce your stomach acid. seem like a minor inconve- nience, it's important to avoid the factors that irri- tate your larynx. If you don't, you may develop small nodules or polyps on your vocal cords that can cause permanent hoarse- ness and may need to be surgically removed. 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Also consider voice therapy, which teaches you to speak in ways that won't injure your vocal cords. I have a patient who is a teacher and gives an inten- sive course every day dur- ing the spring. One year he developed chronic laryngi- tis shortly after starting the course and struggled to get through the rest of it. He took voice therapy, and the next year he sailed through the course without any voice trouble. n A o l l i t e c n u s t s C r