Up & Coming Weekly

FEBRUARY 10-16, 2010 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS The Newborn Ultimatum My wife has gone baby crazy. She's demanding I get her pregnant — between screaming "You're a horrible person," "I know why your ex cheated on you," and "You're a cold and heartless machine." We're both 42, and have been married for eight months. Last year, she had a miscarriage. She's always been difficult, but things have gotten really bad. A counselor we're seeing deemed her a "loose cannon." He said we should get our relationship healthy, then consider having a baby, and set up rules for us that my wife ignores. Last time I reminded her we agreed to wait on the baby, she called me "pure evil," and for the third time, threw her engagement and wedding rings at me and said to sell them. She says if we don't have a child right away, she'll hold me responsible. Obviously, the dynamic here isn't good, but the real problem is she can be amazingly sweet and giving. These extremes really scare me, for our future as a couple and as possible parents. — Shell Shocked Should you bring a child into the world with a raging psycho who can occasionally be nice? Um...well...sure...assuming you've already struck out with all the crack-addicted prostitutes. ("Aww, look, little feller's got his daddy's eyes and his mommy's Hep C.") While other guys' wives spend long hours reading self-help books, yours apparently favors how-to guides to totalitarianism ("The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Despots"?). Now, it is possible some of her behavior traces to some postpartum-type upset; maybe hormones running wild after her miscarriage. Then again, you made it clear in our e-mail exchange that she was rather witchy prepartum. Sure, it's tough for a woman who sees her eggs on the reduced- for-quick-sale rack. But, clearly, there's something radically wrong here — something that begs for more intervention from a mental health professional than a set of rules. Regarding her ticking clock (with the loose cannon attachment), there are a lot of things you can call a woman who goes off on you like she does, but let's hope the last thing anybody'll be calling her is "Mommy." As for what she calls you, we all get embarrassed by the little names our partners give us when emotion takes over; you know, Booboo, Sweetiepants, Pookie, or, in your case, Pure Evil, and Cold and Heartless Machine. You've spent so long with an exploding woman — an emotional blackmailer who tries to hell-state you into meeting her demands — that the nasty life has become normal life. In fact, the way you put it (from your hotel room in Stockholm syndrome), the real problem is that she's "amazingly sweet and giving" — when she isn't nearly putting your eye out with her rings. You need to recognize her behavior for what it is — domestic violence that can lead to more serious violence, should she run out of expensive jewelry to bean you with and reach for something a little heavier. It's fine by me if you want to hang around looking for the good in some woman while she bends silverware with her screams, but you and your wife aren't just two people making each other miserable. One of you is desperately trying to make a third person. You need to do everything in your power to see that your as-yet-unborn child remains unborn. While I'm not usually one to explicitly advise people to end relationships, in your case, let me make this perfectly plain: Get out before she straps you down, hooks up the vacuum cleaner, and takes your sperm. Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK in the STARS www.Astrology-101.com ARIES - March 21 thru April 20 The "way out" is from within. Our subconscious often holds the answers we seek. This may be the time to sleep on questions for the guidance some rams may be seeking. TAURUS - April 21 thru May 21 Hopes often become realities. Sun in your sector of wishes is an indication good things may soon come about. Think about changes for the better. GEMINI - May 22 thru June 21. Persistence is as important as ability. Both lead to success. Sun moving thru your career sector is a time to contact the right people in the right places. CANCER - June 22 thru July 23 Expect favorable exchanges with people in far away places. Sun in sector of travel and education should put you on the right road for success. LEO - July 24 thru August 23 Take advantage of the Sun as it moves thru your investment sector. Cosmos work with you to help you further your goals that add to your security. VIRGO - August 24 thru Sept 23 Partnerships and other close relationships may be more demanding of your time. The possibility of marriage for those who are eligible is never far away. LIBRA - Sept 24 thru Oct 23 Don't hide your light under a bushel. Sun moving through job sector should help to give your special abilities and talents more attention. You are better than you think! SCORPIO - Oct 24 thru Nov 22 Affairs of the heart, social good times and even a bit of sensible speculation may become your focus as the Sun moves through your fun sector. Enjoy! SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 thru Dec 21 Sun brightens up your home sector. It's the right time to bring domestic matters to successful conclusions. Favorable time for new moves and real estate matters. CAPRICORN - Dec 22 thru Jan 20 Connections made in nearby places will work to your advantage in opening new doors. Educational updates will expand your income as well as your horizons. AQUARIUS - Jan 21 thru Feb 19 Something ventured, something gained. Sun in money sector may signify an enterprising period ahead. A new approach is needed in times of change. PISCES - Feb 20 thru March 20 Sun moves into your sign! Be assured the force is with you. Be open to new ideas, new places and new people. Believe in yourself! Think positive! NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD What Recession? A December USA Today analysis revealed that during the fi rst 18 months of the recent recession, beginning December 2007, the number of federal employees with six-fi gure salaries shot up from 14 percent of the federal workforce to 19 percent. Defense Department civilian executives earning more than $150,000 went from 1,868 to more than $10,000, and the Department of Transportation, which had only one person earning $170,000 in December 2007, now has 1,690. The average federal salary is $71,206, compared with the private sector's $40,331. [USA Today, 12-10-09] Compelling Explanations Being the fi rst licensed male prostitute in Nevada (and thus the U.S.), explained "Markus" in a January interview for Details magazine, is to him "a civil rights thing." "It's just the same as when Rosa Parks decided to sit at the front (of the bus) instead of the back." [Details.com, 1-13-10] Lame: Ex-convict John Stephens told a Floyd County (Ind.) judge in December that he had a full-time job and intended to turn his life around, but had slipped when he tried to rob the Your Community Bank. "If I hadn't been watching the news and seeing (other successful) bank robberies," he said, he wouldn't have been tempted. He said he was especially impressed by one serial robber, who had made it look easy by vaulting over banks' counters. [WKLY-TV (Louisville, Ky.), 12-23-09] In Kansas City, Mo., in December, the mother of Charles Irving tried to protect her 27-year-old son from a charge of being a felon in possession of a gun. She told police (without success) that he had needed the gun to protect her from vampires. [Kansas City Star, 12-8-09] Rod Jetton, a former speaker of the Missouri House of Representatives and creator of Common Sense Conservative Consulting, LLC, was charged with felony assault in December after visiting a woman in her home in Sikeston, apparently for a sexual encounter. The woman later charged that Jetton punched her in the head and choked her into unconsciousness as his idea of foreplay, but Jetton said the "assault" was consensual, in that she was to utter a pre-arranged "safe word (phrase)" if things got too rough and that he would have immediately stopped. Jetton told police that the woman never spoke the agreed-on phrase "green balloons." [Kansas City Star, 12-7-09] Ironies Copenhagen, one of the "greenest" cities in the world, endured an added 41,000 extra tons of carbon-dioxide-equivalent in December during the 11-day "climate summit." The 15,000 delegates required 2,000 limousines (only fi ve of which were electric or hybrid) to get around town, and the world leaders arrived and departed in 140 private jets, some of which had to be "parked" overnight in Sweden because of airport congestion. [Daily Telegraph (London), 12-5-09] A Title III funded project ~ Art Blakey Jazz washes away the dust of every day life. Tune into WFSS 91.9 FM for the finest jazz in Fayetteville! Listen & Pledge online anytime at http://www.wfss.org

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