Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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Just Trust Us by PITT DICKEY room, Jamie Dimon. JPMorgan Chase Bank managed to lose $2 billion betting the wrong way on a synthetic credit portfolio. They goofed on portfolio hedging which sounds like something a perverted drunken hedgehog might do with a briefcase after too many martinis. Oops, is CEO Jamie Dimon's face red? Does he go on TV and to ask himself questions that he wants to answer? Yes, he does. Does he wish the fi rm hadn't lost $2 billion? Yes, he does. Is he going to do better in the future? Yes, he will. Just trust him. If you have been paying attention, it doesn't matter whether Republicans or Democrats hold the White House when it comes to picking wizards to run the country's fi nancial levers. The wizards all come from the same Wall Street band of brothers. The Federal Reserve, the Treasury Department, the Securities Exchange Commission all are run by loyal alumni from Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan Chase and the occasional Deutsche Bank guy tossed in like an anchovy in a wilted Caesar salad. Which guy from Wall Street do you prefer to run the country? Excuse me madam, would you rather have terminal cancer or a fatal heart attack? The choice is yours. But I digress, today's unfair and unbalanced column is going to smile on the Republicans as they seem a little more eager to unleash the hounds of Wall Street back on America. They don't much cotton to the Volcker Rule that was supposed to prevent Wall Street from behaving like starving cannibals at an all you can eat taxpayer buffet. All would be well if the Dodd-Frank Act were repealed so the Wall Street wizards could do their thing unfettered by the common good. We need to follow the Republicans' lead and go back to the future and the glory days of 2008. Remember when the Gurus o' Greed on Wall Street tossed the entire country into a pretty impressive recession? Wall Street Can you say "synthetic credit portfolio" without gagging? I knew you could. By now we are getting used to the wizards of Wall Street making the occasional billion dollar bet that goes a bit astray. No big deal. Let us consider JP Morgan Chase Bank led by the smartest guy in the gone wild worked out pretty good for some folks. Not so good for others. If you believe the Repubs' current propaganda, we need much less regulation of Wall Street because we can now trust Wall Street to do the right thing. Remember in Animal House when the guys convinced Flounder to take them out on a road trip in his brother's car? The car got banged up as a result. Think of Flounder's car as the American economy. When they get back to the Delta House, Flounder looks at the damage done to his brother's car and starts to cry. Otter looks at him and says, "You screwed up. You trusted us!" Mitt Romney and the Republicans are channeling Otter and looking at the country and explaining about the 2008 recession by telling us, "America, you screwed up. You trusted us." Otter's plan for Flounder is to report the car stolen and the insurance company will then pay for a new car. The Repubs plan is to report the economy stolen by President Obi and the taxpayers will pay for a new bailout when the Wall Street wizards wreck it again. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Listening to Mitt talking about reviving the economy through deregulating Wall Street reminds me of the classic lines from Clorette De Pasto, the mayor's daughter who went to the Toga party with Larry. Clorette introduced Larry to her father saying, "Dad! Mom! This is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month. We have to get married." Mitt tells the voters, "Americans, This is the Republican party that molested the country's fi nancial system during the Bush Administration. We have to get married again." If you liked the 2008 recession, you are going to love the 2014 Depression if Mitt and his minions take over in January. If Jamie Dimon can lose $2 billion under President Obi's relatively weak Wall Street regulations, think of how much he can lose under fewer fi nancial regulations in a Republican Wall Street Valhalla. Buy some Mason Jars and start burying money in the back yard. It's gonna be a bumpy night. PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 5 p.m. - 9 p.m., Tues. - Thur. 5 p.m. - 10 p.m., Fri. - Sat. 11 a.m. - 2 p.m., Tues. - Sat. Dinner Lunch 10:30 a..m. - 2:30 p.m Closed Monday Sunday Brunch Closed Monday Sit down and enjoy award winning cuisine in our elegant dining rooms set in a historic home built in 1908. Complement your entree with a selection from our extensive wine list. ur in Every Tuesday 5:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Wine Tasting Experience our higher standards and excellence with our catering services. 1240 Fort Bragg Road • Fayetteville, NC 910.484.6699 www.hilltophousenc.com WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM MAY 23-29, 2012 UCW 7 Sunday Brunch 10:30 a..m. - 2:30 p.m. m. R