Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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APRIL 6-11, 2016 UCW 5 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM A million years ago when the Precious Jewels were ver y young , I was like many other work ing mothers, st ressed and exhausted most of the time. I recognized that our children were my main responsibilit y, but they were not my only responsibilit y, a realit y that of ten lef t me over whelmed. One af ternoon when a shriek ing toddler ref used to go dow n for a nap he and I both desperately needed, I picked him up and plopped him into his crib w ith such force the child ac t ually bounced! I was so shocked at myself that I � led his room, shut ting the door behind me while he wailed, no doubt � linging the toddler equivalent of curses in my direction. My �irst thought was how could I possibly have manhandled my precious child that way. My second was the realization that this is how child abuse begins and too of ten escalates into something hideous. How of ten have we heard a parent, or a parent 's signi� icant other, say, "He was cr y ing , and I just couldn't st and it any more? " Shaken Baby Sy ndrome, which of ten result s in permanent brain damage, is associated w ith such st atement s. Sometimes the damage is not physical, but ment al and emotional. St atement s like, "I could not help it . She was � lir ting w ith me," are associated w ith sexual abuse. Somet imes it is all of the above, and abu sers either cannot or do not bother to just if y their behav iors. However it occurs, abuse of a child is a crime that keeps on giv ing for decades, for a lifetime. A quick look at memoirs in any librar y w ill con� irm that sad fact . Nothing erases child abuse, but children can be helped to deal w ith what has occurred in their lives through competent, caring and trained inter vention. Cumberland Count y and our surrounding neighbors are blessed w ith just such a place for children, the Child Advocac y Center. W hen child abuse is discovered, the C AC integrates ser v ices for that child — medical, psychological, legal and social so that the child, especially ver y young ones, do not have to relate their t raumat ic stories time and time again in all sor t s of dif ferent env ironment s. It coordinates continuing ser v ices, par ticularly impor t ant for children who have been removed f rom their families and for whom st abilit y and continuit y are critical issues. This coordinated approach saves our communit y about half a million dollars a year and saves children hear t ache. A ll of that is the good news. The bad news is that 661 children had need of C AC's ser v ices last year, and there are surely others who could bene� it f rom them but have not, because the abuse has yet to be detected by caring adult s or repor ted by brave ones. I asked C AC st af f to tell me about some of the children whom they have ser ved. Obv iously, privac y is paramount, but here are three real stories. "I (C AC st af f ) received a call one af ternoon … She was in tears and shared w ith me that her mother got rid of her cat while she was at school. She was not sure what mother had done w ith her cat but said her mother hated the cat . I listened to her and tried to ease her pain but in the end had to say that the issue w ith the cat would need to be worked out w ith her mother. A f ter the phone call I thought about how sad it was that a child would call me …" A mother and child came to the C AC … They were here regarding sexual abuse. In t alk ing w ith the Victim Advocate, the mother was sharing how thank f ul she was for our center and t he treatment she and her daughter received. She st ated she w ished she could share w ith others about her experience but it would be too dif� icult . " We inter v iewed a 7-year- old-boy for abuse. He was ver y quiet most of the time … I � inally engaged him w ith a board game and of fered him a snack and something to drink . I was t aken aback when he st ar ted to leave and asked if he had to ret urn. I explained he did not … He looked at me and said, "Lady, all the people here have been so nice to me. If you want me to, I w ill come back ." Hear t strings t ugging? So what can people like you and me do to help? C AC and agenc y st af f are professionals, so there is no need for volunteers in the traditional sense, but there is a huge need for advocates and suppor t . The C AC of fers Dark ness to Light, a national training program to educate parent s, grandparent s and others who work w ith children to recognize and prevent child sexual abuse and how to react appropriately when it does occur. And there is always money. The CAC has successfully met the Lily Endowment Challenge of the Cumberland Communit y Foundation (full disclosure — I co-chaired this effort with Joyce Loughlin), which is a great help in building and safeguarding CAC's future. In CAC's endowment building campaign, more really is, well, more. Wouldn't you want a child you love to have these ser v ices if he or she needed them? Caring for All Our Children by MARGARET DICKSON OPINION MARGARET DICKSON. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200.