Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/65031
8A Daily News– Wednesday, May 9, 2012 Dear Annie: My 25-year mar- riage is falling apart. My hus- band's 40-year- old daughter, ''Sally,'' has been living with us for eight months. She occasionally buys a few groceries, but otherwise pays nothing. She does no work around the house. I've asked her to help clean the shared bath- room. She says she does- n't think she should have to do any cleaning because she doesn't mess anything up. She uses the bathtub more than we do and has all kinds of junk in there. She says her father also has stuff in there, so it's my job to clean it. I refuse. Freeloading daughter testing marriage Wearing the right shoes can prevent bunions If you continue to experience Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Your real prob- lem is that your husband doesn't back you up, and he puts Sally's preferences above yours. The goal should be to get Sally out of your house as soon as possible. It is not healthy for any of you if she remains dependent on Daddy. basis. The fact that you are retired doesn't make you her servant. Tell your husband he can clean up after her. Meanwhile, my hus- band says Sally is right. He agrees that she should- n't have to do any work around the house because she has a full-time job. (We are retired.) She also never cleans up after her- self in the kitchen and doesn't help with the dishes after eating the din- ner I cook. This is causing major problems between my husband and me. He isn't interested in counseling. What can I do about Sally? — A Sad Marriage Dear Sad: If Sally has a full-time job, she should be paying rent. If she won't pay rent, she should contribute to the house- hold by helping with the housework, groceries and cooking on a regular abusive marriage. There has been some physical abuse along with verbal, emotional and mental abuse. It has gone on for three years, and I think about leaving every day. I cry all the time. I have tried to be a good wife, but nothing I do is good enough. I have talked to a couple of counselors, and they tell me I need to get out. I want to, but I don't have any money (he has seen to that) and I have no place to go. I don't have any family or friends close by to stay with. I've been in contact with the local women's shelter a couple of times, but right now, they don't have any available hous- ing. How can I leave if I don't have any money or a place to go? I just don't know how much longer I can hang on. — Crying Dear Crying: Please call the National Domes- tic Violence Hotline (the- Dear Annie: I am in an hotline.org) at 1-800-799- SAFE (1-800-799-7233). The people there can help you figure out how to pro- tect yourself and prepare to leave this relationship. In the meantime, don't hide your situation. Let others know what is going on, including your family members and trustworthy friends. When you are able to leave, you will need their support. Dear Annie: This is in response to ''Maybe It's Not Just Hormones.'' was married for 22 years, and our sex life was strict- ly for my ex. It was hard to enjoy intimacy with someone who was con- stantly jealous and didn't trust me — and he had no reason to feel that way. He was the only man I'd ever been with. I have been divorced for 18 years and was done with men. But a friend suggested online dating sites, so I recently signed up and met a nice gentle- man. I realized I needed to have sex with another man to see what genuine intimacy was like. Well, let me tell you, I am so satisfied I cannot describe it. He says I am an excel- lent lover. I never thought I would enjoy sex. Now I know anything is possible. — Enjoying Life I am 60 years old and Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. FEATURES DEAR DOCTOR K: I have a bunion on my left foot and it hurts! What can I do? DEAR READER: With a bunion, your big toe turns inward, bending toward, or even under, the other toes. Since your feet probably are inside shoes and not easily visible, I'll try to explain what happens to your big toe by asking you to look at your hand. Look at your thumb. Feel the joint where the thumb starts stick- ing out from the hand. Unless you have arthritis, the bone in your hand and the first bone in your thumb are lined up pretty straight. If your thumb developed a bunion, the bone in your hand would be pointing outward and the bones in the thumb would be pointing inward. Bunions most often result from shoes that squeeze the toes into pointy or nar- row toe boxes. This forces the toes to fold over one another to fit in. Over time, a bunion develops. At first, it's just a lit- tle ugly, and it can make it hard to get into shoes. It may not even hurt. If and when it does begin to hurt, there significant pain, you may need to consider surgery. Surgery will partially or completely restore your toe to its normal position. The specific procedure will depend on the severity of your condition. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. bunion surgery, you may have to wear a bandage and special shoe, or possibly a cast if your case is more severe. The spe- cial shoe or cast will protect your foot, allowing it to heal, while enabling you to walk on your heel. Sometimes you need to stop putting weight even on the heel of the foot that has had surgery, and use crutches or other devices. You will also have to stop driving for about six weeks. During recovery from are several things you can do to ease your discomfort. You can pad the bump with felt or moleskin. Or try a shoe stretcher to stretch the front of your shoe, relieving pressure on the bunion part of your foot. Shoe inserts called orthoses can redistribute your weight so the bunion doesn't constantly rub against your shoe. Foot doctors called podiatrists can fit you with these inserts. For pain, try NSAID pain relievers such as ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) or naproxen (Aleve). Hot and cold com- presses may also help. Passages Health Insur- ance Counseling & Advo- cacy Program (HICAP) is presenting a Welcome to Medicare workshop geared for those who will be new to Medicare 2-4 p.m. May 21 at the Red Bluff Com- munity Center, 1500 S. Jackson St. removed, you need to do exercises to regain your strength and flexibility. It can take six months to recover fully. We have more information on bunions in our Special Health Report, "Foot Care Basics." (Learn more about this report at AskDoctorK.com, or call 877-649-9457 toll-free to order it.) After the special shoe or cast is sufficient room in the toe boxes. We're not talking tennis shoes — there are plenty of attractive shoes that qualify. This can help to prevent future bunions from developing, or keep existing ones from getting worse. In the future, wear shoes that provide Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School.To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Turning 65 in 2012 Medicare workshop Registration is required in order to ensure all attendees will receive the necessary workshop materials. Regis- ter by calling 898-6716 or 1-800-434-0222. active seminar will help you understand how your Medicare benefits work. This free two-hour inter- HICAP does not sell or endorse any insurance products. People who are new to Medicare will be deluged with information from different insurance companies marketing their products. Tatiana Fassieux, pro- gram manager for Passages HICAP warns signing up with the wrong plan, or not doing anything may cost new recipients thousands of dollars, and they may not be able to make changes if enrollment deadlines are missed. would like a workshop, call Natasha Coulter-LaTorre at 898-6715. If your group or agency