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DILBERT ScottAdams PEARLSBEFORESWINE StephanPastis PICKLES BrianCrane BABYBLUES JerryScott&RickKirkman PHOEBEANDHERUNICORN DanaSimpson ZITS JerryScott&JimBorgman SHERMAN'SLAGOON JimToomey ARGYLESWEATER ScottHilburn BIZARRO DanPiraro DEARAMY»I'ma36-year- old woman who is lucky enough to have a large and wonderful family — with one exception: My 85-year-old grandmother, who ruins nearly every get-together with dispar- aging comments, usually aimed at her family. She mouths off about our appearance, intelligence and behavior. She has also made a lifelong habit of horribly racist and ill- informed insults toward anyone who is not white. My parents and their siblings and spouses choose to ignore her, saying that she is old and lonely, and it is "not worth it" to confront her. I want to respect their wishes, but also cannot stand this woman, who was a physically abusive parent to my mother. I would also like to shield my 3-year-old daughter from her influence. Is there anything I can do, when forced to be in her presence? —FedUpwithMean Grandma DEAR FED UP » It might be worthwhile for you to try to engage with your grandmother in a deeper way before you give up on her and assume your family's stance of ignor- ing her. Do not attempt this with your 3-year-old in tow, but if you have a chance, you could say to her, "Grandma — you don't seem very happy, and you don't seem happy with the family. I'm very sorry that's the case, but I can't figure out why." And then sit quietly with her and see if she has any- thing illuminating to say. Realistically, you will not arrive at a break- through moment. You will not undo anything and your grandmother will not change. But if you were able to dig deep, you might find that your grandmother was raised by people who were cruel to her. Perhaps she suffered from poverty, disappointment, disillu- sionment. This does not excuse her behavior, but it might explain it. The point is not for you to necessarily feel better about her, but to reach a point of understanding where you feel for her. Her bitterness is to be pitied, and this is how you should frame things for your young daughter if she witnesses and is affected by an outburst: "Great-grandma isn't happy and sometimes she says mean things to people. I wish she would be nicer." DEAR AMY » When we were first married, my husband was faced with the same problem de- scribed in the letter from "Upset." His mother wanted to manage our life. Being a new wife I resented that! My husband was caught in the middle, with each of us expect- ing him to take our side. Being a very smart man, he told us, "Hey, look, there's no way I can win. I love yo u bot h, so y ou tw o fight it out." With that he walked away. Over time we did work things out because we both loved him. — Happy it Worked DEAR HAPPY » You mar- ried a smart guy. Granddaughter wonders how to handle mean grammy You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com and follow her on Twitter @askingamy. Amy Dickinson Ask Amy Sudoku Instructions:Theobjectistoplacethe numbers1to9intheemptysquaresso thateachrow,eachcolumnandeach 3x3boxcontainsthenumberonlyonce. AnswertoPreviousPuzzle CelebrityCipher ByLuisCampos Instructions:CelebrityCiphercryptogramsarecreatedfromquotationsbyfamouspeople, pastandpresent.Eachletterinthecipherstandsforanother. NEACrossword Capricorn(Dec.22-Jan. 19) — Spend today reflecting on the past and considering what changes you want to make at home. Explore innovative or unusual financial prospects. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Don't just think about what you want to do next, get the ball rolling. Progress can be made if you are quick to respond to an offer. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Be objective, but also protect against anyone trying to take advantage of you. Open up to someone you feel has as much to offer as yourself. Aries (March 21-April 19) — Enjoy some downtime with a special someone. Discuss your plans and prepare to make this the best year ever. Taurus (April 20-May 20) — If you find out what others want and how they feel, you will be able to help. This aid will come back in spades when you need it. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Take a moment to consider your current situation. Face any dilemmas objectively and plan to move forward and make the necessary changes to ensure that the year unfolds in your favor. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Share your ideas and plans for the upcoming year with some- one you love. The feedback you get will help you move forward with confidence. You will gain the assistance required. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Don't dwell on past mistakes or failures, but do use the lesson of experience to ensure that you are successful in accomplishing your goals without a hitch this year. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Do your best to stay healthy and steer clear of excessive respon- sibilities. Stay in shape and eat a proper diet. Moderation and clean living will help you operate at your optimum level. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Address matters instead of ignoring them. If you want to advance, you have to put unfin- ished business to rest. Greater happiness will result if you are true to yourself. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Reach out to colleagues you enjoyed working with in the past. Find out what's new. A unique idea of yours will spark interest and lead to an interest- ing partnership. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Think about what you are doing and how you can use your attributes to your advantage. You can make a difference if you are willing to make personal changes. Horoscope By Eugenia Last SATURDAY, JAN. 2, 2016 SATURDAY, JANUARY 2, 2016 REDBLUFFDAILYNEWS.COM |YOURDAILYBREAK | 5 B