Up & Coming Weekly

JANUARY 20-26, 2010 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Less Is Amour I had a disturbing conversation with this older married woman at a party. She asked my boyfriend how long we've been together (two years). Before he went to get us drinks, he made a crack about how different our apartments are. The moment he was out of earshot, she turned and lectured me that if you don't live together, you don't experience "really hating each other," and that getting through that is "the triumph of true love." I said I didn't see it that way, and that we might never live together. She then snapped that perhaps I'll someday "grow up and have a real relationship!" Well, my boyfriend and I love each other, but don't see moving in together as an automatic next step. By living separately, are we really missing out on some higher level of relationship? — Naive? The course of true love doesn't always run smooth, but must it really run around the house waving a frying pan and screaming obscenities? People romanticize living in close proximity to other human beings. The truth is, humans are smelly, annoying, and leak a lot. They're often lazy and pick fights over the littlest things. Anybody who's ever been around another human knows this, but for many, being in a grown-up relationship involves understanding human nature but living in total denial of it: expecting your partner to still look longingly at you when you pick dead skin off your toes and collect it in a little dish. Mrs. Socrates here wears her misery like a Girl Scout badge — whichever one they'd give you for spending decades sitting silently across from your supposedly beloved at Denny's. The reality? Maybe she's a little long in the tooth and light in the Botox to compete with the hot young things in bars. Maybe she only feels like somebody as Mrs. Somebody. And, chances are, it never occurred to her that there's an alternative to living like two hens in a pen. But, there's no going back now, only snarling at happy young women at parties that they, too, might someday experience "the triumph of true love." Which, for her, plays out as "Never go to bed angry. Stay up and try to commit murder-suicide." Sure, many couples prefer living together, or, in this economy, prefer it to living separately in their cars. And, if you have kids, it's best if you can say "Wait till your father gets home" instead of "I'll give your father a call and see what he's doing tonight." If you do end up living together, it helps if you each have a room of your own, where house rules don't apply -- providing you don't break any marriage vows or fire laws. Of course, it helps even more if you're both exceedingly easygoing, lobotomized, or comatose. The reality is, you greet a guy way differently when you've had a chance to miss him than when he's always there missing the toilet. Living apart also means you're more likely to act like you're still in the pursuit phase: trying to be witty and interesting and dressing suggestively when he comes over, and not in a way that suggests you're halfway through cleaning out the garage. As for Mrs. S's notion that you can hate your way to true love, researcher John Gottman found that expressions of contempt are actually the most poisonous to a relationship. In other words, the path to true love might be a bit of a drive: whatever it takes so your boyfriend isn't always in your face, doing whatever it is you'd gnaw off your right hand to have him stop doing — like breathing, chewing, and having large pores. Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK in the STARS www.Astrology-101.com ARIES - March 21 thru April 20 Romantic eligibles may receive favorable answers regarding love status. Social get-togethers may become your focus. Expressing creativity could bring benefi ts. TAURUS - April 21 thru May 21 Interests are likely to be centered on home and family. This would be an ideal time to repaint or decorate. Also a good time to buy or sell a home. GEMINI - May 22 thru June 21. Connections made in nearby places should open new doors of opportunity. Developing closer ties with neighbors and siblings should bring a more fulfi lled 2010. CANCER - June 22 thru July 23 Focus your attention on money making enterprises while the light of the Full Moon shines on your Income sector. Your abilities are your tickets to success. LEO - July 24 thru August 23 Personal plans may be furthered as the Full Moon moves thru your sign. Leo's with creativity in art, writing or music should not keep their talents a secret. VIRGO - August 24 thru Sept 23 "Loose lips sink ships". Plans in the making should not be revealed to strangers. It would be rewarding to visit a person less fortunate than you. LIBRA - Sept 24 thru Oct 23 Hope should always be kept alive. Wishes often come true! What you long for may be closer than you think. Use your artistic skills to gain attention. SCORPIO - Oct 24 thru Nov 22 Past efforts may soon be rewarded as Full Moon moves thru your Career sector. For ambitious Scorpios success is in your stars. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 thru Dec 21 Benefi cial answers to questions involving far away places or educational concerns may fi nalize under this week's Full Moon. New Year brings new opportunities. CAPRICORN - Dec 22 thru Jan 20 . Financial arrangements involving the money of another may be your focus. Chats with professionals may bring profi table facts to your attention. AQUARIUS - Jan 21 thru Feb 19 Planets in their proper places indicate improvements in business and personal relationships. Keep the welcome mat out. Someone may be knocking. PISCES - Feb 20 thru March 2F0 Promote your talents! Find new ways at workplace to utilize your abilities. This is a time when listening to those who have gone before you is wise. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Natives of the Erromango section of the Pacifi c island Vanuatu recently held a formal "conciliation" with the great- great-grandson of the British missionary whom the islanders' ancestors ate when he came ashore in 1839. Charles Milner-Williams' forebear, Rev. John Williams, was regarded as the most famous Christian missionary of the era. Vanuatan legislator Ralph Regenvanu told BBC News that cannibalism was traditionally a sacred warrior practice for "vanquishing a threat (and) absorbing the power of the enemy." Nonetheless, he said, the island has long felt "guilt," and even a "complex," from killing and eating Rev. Williams. In penitence, Vanuatu symbolically gave the Williams family a 7-year-old girl, who will not be eaten but whose education Milner-Williams promised to underwrite. [BBC News, 12- 7-09 Can't Possibly Be True In November, a Chicago judge ruled that former fi refi ghter Jeffrey Boyle is entitled to his $50,000 annual pension even though he had pleaded guilty in 2006 to eight counts of arson (and allegedly confessed to 12 more). Boyle is known locally as "Matches" Boyle to distinguish him from his brother, John "Quarters" Boyle, who is now in federal prison for bribery following the theft of millions of dollars in state toll-gate coins. Judge LeRoy Martin Jr. concluded that Matches' arsons were wholly separate from his fi refi ghting. [Chicago Tribune, 11-11-09] Salvadorean citizen Ernesto Gamboa, who worked for 13 years in the Seattle area as a snitch for federal drug agents and contributed to at least 92 convictions for drug- and weapons-smuggling, was "fi red" by Immigration and Customs Enforcement in May after asking the agency for regular employment. Gamboa originally entered the U.S. as a visitor but overstayed and now aspires merely to an "S visa" granted aliens who assist law enforcement. Not only did ICE deny that request but, according to a November Seattle Times report, the agency informed Gamboa that he should prepare to be deported. [Seattle Times, 11-15-09] Inexplicable "It is the Christian commandment to love your enemies and to do good to them. I did that," explained Dan Ross, 61, a retiree in Lehigh Acres, Fla., who in November wired a dozen yellow roses to Maj. Nidal Hasan, the accused Fort Hood spree killer. "Whereas the ministers out there in Fort Hood are praying for (Hasan) ... I went one step further," Ross told the Naples Daily News. The card Ross ordered with the fl owers read, "In God's eye, and those who submit, you are a hero!" The Texas fl orist who received the order notifi ed the FBI. 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