Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/599598
NOVEMBER 11-17, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Fawn Juan I'm a 31-year-old single guy with a problematic pattern. Women I ask out seem to love how I'm open and very complimentary from the start, but then, suddenly, they get cold feet. It seems that once women know they're desired, they're done with you. My guy friends tell me I should "play it cool," but then I'm not being authentic. — True Man The problem here comes out of what evolutionary psychologists David Buss and David Schmitt explain as men's and women's conflicting sexual strategies. For an ancestral woman, there was the possibility of high back-end costs from any sex act (children to dig grubs for and drag around). So, women evolved to be the commitment-seekers of our species, and men, the commitment-free sex seekers. Men still had a good chance of passing on their genes, even if they chose to "fun and run." (Of course, this worked better in the days before state-ordered child support.) Though it's the tail end of 2015, evolutionary psychologists Leda Cosmides and John Tooby explain that "our modern skulls house a stone age mind" with "stone age priorities." So, women expect to work to get a man to commit just as men expect to work to get a woman into bed. And just as women get devalued by men for being sexually "easy," men get devalued by women if they seem emotionally "easy" — like by immediately throwing around compliments like glitter at a gay pride parade. This sort of thing doesn't say you find the woman beautiful or whatever; it says you find it a miracle that she went out with you at all. Try something new — keeping a lid on the word drool. In other words, shut up and listen. Ask a woman about herself — where she's been, what she thinks, what matters to her — and engage with what she's saying. That's the sincere way to compliment a woman — showing that you're interested in her as a human being instead of slobbering all over her like a dog that's been left home all day. The safe time to compliment a woman on her hotitude is after you've slept together. Women are often insecure about their bodies, and post-sex compliments will be appreciated (instead of depreciating you). All in all, keep in mind that the dating realm is like many other endeavors. Too much enthusiasm too soon typically makes you seem desperate … for something… anything … anybody. Picture yourself wandering into a bank and having a bunch of execs dash over: "We'd like to make YOU the president of Wells Fargo!" And you're like, "Umm … I was just coming in to get quarters for the laundromat." Copyright AMY ALKON WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Among those struggling with psychological issues in modern America are the rich "one-percenters" (especially the mega-rich "one-percent of one- percenters"), according to counselors specializing in assuaging guilt and moderating class hatred. London's The Guardian, reporting from New York, found three such counselors, including two who barely stopped short of comparing the plight of the rich-rich with the struggles of "people of color" or out-of-closet gays. Sample worries: isolation (so few rich-rich); stress, caused by political hubbub over "inequality"; and insecurity (is my "friend" really just a friend of my money?). [The Guardian, 10-17-2015] Can't Possibly Be True Stories surface regularly about a hospital patient declared dead but who then revives briefly before once again dying. However, Tammy Cleveland's recent lawsuit against doctors and DeGraff Memorial Hospital near Buffalo, New York, reveals an incident more startling. She alleges that her late husband Michael displayed multiple signs of life (breathing, eyes open, legs kicking, attempted hugs, struggles against the tube in his throat) for nearly two hours, but with two doctors all the while assuring her that he was gone. (The coroner came and went twice, concluding that calling him had been premature.) The lawsuit alleges that only upon the fourth examination did the doctor exclaim, "My God, he has a pulse!" Michael Cleveland died shortly after that — of a punctured lung from CPR following his initial heart attack — an injury for which he could have been treated. [Democrat & Chronicle (Rochester, New York), 10-13-2015] The Continuing Crisis For an October report, Vice Media located the half-dozen most-dedicated collectors of those AOL giveaway CDs from the Internet's dial-up years ("50 Hours Free!"). Sparky Haufle wrote a definitive AOL-CD collector's guide; Lydia Sloan Cline has 4,000 unique disks; Bustam Halim at one point had 20,000 total, before weeding to 3,000. (The AOL connoisseurs file disks by color, by the hundreds of packaging styles, by number of free hours, and especially by the co-brands — the rare pearls, like AOL's deals with Frisbee and Spider Man. Their collections, said both Halim and Brian Larkin, are simply "beautiful." [Vice.com, 10-7-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, a conversation takes you to a place you did not expect. Now that it's out in the open, you may be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Don't hesitate to express yourself. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, though you usually lean toward being practical, you may find yourself on an unexpected journey this week that highlights your spontaneous side. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 You have several different ways to express your creativity this week, Gemini; you simply have to find the outlet that works best for you right now. Experiment with different options. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, although you may want to swoop in and help a friend in need, give this person the space he or she needs right now. In the long run, this approach will prove more helpful. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 You have a chance to push limits and boundaries this week, Leo. Take every opportunity that comes your way to try something new. You never know what you will discover. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you may not be able to escape all of your daily responsibilities right now, but you can certainly daydream some of them away. Take this chance to clear your mind. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you have a knack for avoiding complex issues that pop up this week. But this will only last so long, and before long you will have to face some hard decisions. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 It can be frightening to reveal your deepest feelings, Scorpio. However, when a friend comes to you bearing his or her soul, you may have to dig deep and share your own experiences. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Health goals become more pressing as various issues weigh on your mind, Sagittarius. Work with a doctor to develop a plan for moving forward in a healthy way. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, you may be catching glimpses of what is around the corner, but you're not ready to take the first step in that direction. This will happen soon enough. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Your moods are fluctuating regularly, Aquarius. Voice your feelings and it will help you address any insecurities or other issues that are on your mind. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 It may seem like you're working on jobs for others, but behind it all, you're actually working on yourself, Pisces. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard