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4B Daily News – Tuesday, March 27, 2012 FEATURES Boyfriend won't finalize divorce Dear Annie: I have been with ''Tony'' for three years. When I start- ed seeing him, I didn't realize he was still legally married to a woman who cheat- ed on him. He promised to divorce, but things remain the same. He claims ''it's just a piece of paper'' Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar and we are married in our hearts. I've tried explaining that it feels disrespect- ful, but he doesn't get it. Tony and his wife wanted to avoid court, so they drew up papers with a mediator. But each time she sends them, he finds she has hidden some- thing that goes against what they agreed, and he refuses to sign until the papers are fixed. But Tony always waits for her to make the next move. In the past, whenever he pushed for resolution, she made it difficult for him to see their children. It annoys me that Tony doesn't try harder to end this. Worse, he and his wife still have a joint checking account. He keeps saying he'll close it, but he hasn't. Tony is a known pro- crastinator, but I am hurt and frustrat- ed. Enough is enough. I don't want to throw away what we have, but I'm beginning to resent him and his promises. I think the only way he will open his eyes is if I leave. WASHINGTON (AP) — The last frontier on Earth is out-of-this-world, deso- late, foreboding, and moon- like, James Cameron said after diving to the deepest part of the ocean. And he loved it. ''My feeling was one of complete isolation from all of humanity,'' Cameron said Monday, shortly after returning from the strange cold dark place 7 miles below the western Pacific Ocean that only two men have been to. ''I felt like I lit- erally, in the space of one day, had gone to another planet and come back. It's been a very surreal day.'' Cameron, whose imagi- nation of alien worlds yield- ed the blockbuster movie ''Avatar,'' said there was one thing he promised to him- self: He wanted to drink in how unusual it is. He didn't do that when he first dove to the watery grave of the Titanic, and Apollo astronauts have said they never had time to savor where they were. ''There had to be a But I love him, and our family is happy together. Am I being unreason- able? — Tired of Waiting Dear Tired: Tony doesn't want to rock the boat and figures you'll stick it out. But it could take a long time, and his wife enjoys holding the puppet strings. (And there is absolutely no excuse to be sharing a bank account.) Tony needs to see a lawyer who will establish visitation rights and make sure the wife sticks to the agreement. If he refuses, it is your choice whether your life is better with him or without him. Dear Annie: I am a high school junior and attend a competitive school. I make good grades, and my parents have always been supportive. I recently scored a 212 on the PSAT, which is terrific. But when I told my mom the results, she seemed disappointed. She said in order to be considered for a National Merit Schol- arship, my score has to be over 215. She shows no pride in my accom- plishment. I've expressed to her how disheart- ening this is, but she simply restates that I need a higher score for the schol- arship. Annie, my family is not finan- cially needy. I am more than capable of getting into a good school and find- ing other ways to get scholarships. Is she right to be so unenthusiastic? — Feeling Unappreciated Dear Feeling: We're not sure why your mother is so convinced you did- n't qualify. The PSAT score required to be a National Merit Scholarship moment where I just stopped, and took it in, and said, 'This is where I am; I'm at the bottom of the ocean, the deepest place on Earth. What does that mean?''' Cameron told reporters during a Monday conference call after spend- ing three hours at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, near- ly 7 miles down. ''I just sat there looking out the window, looking at this barren, desolate lunar plain, appreciating,'' Cameron said. He also realized how alone he was, with that much water above him. ''It's really the sense of isolation, more than any- thing, realizing how tiny you are down in this big vast black unknown and unex- plored place,'' Cameron said. Cameron said he had hoped to see a strange deep sea monster like a creature that would excite the story- teller in him and seem like out of his movies, but he didn't. He didn't see tracks of finalist varies from year to year, state to state. Last year's winning score may not be this year's, and the results won't be out until September. We think she may be afraid of jinxing you, and that's why she has put a damper on her excitement. So from us: Way to go! Dear Annie: We love your col- umn. But why would you tell ''Hurt and Confused in Wisconsin'' to make nice with her malicious, cruel step- mother-in-law? It's OK to try to mend family rifts if the offenders will meet you halfway. But if the abuse is going to continue, the only good route is to turn both cheeks and walk away. Life can be sweeter without rotten in-laws, par- ents, children and stepparents. Keep the good ones, and toss the toxic trash. I tell 'em: ''Have a nice life,'' and I truly wish them well. But we owe it to ourselves to have mostly positive peo- ple in our lives. — The Villages, Fla. Dear Fla.: A good point, but we didn't tell her to ''make nice.'' We said her husband can try a last-ditch effort to mend things by asking his father and stepmother to go with him for counseling. We'll stand by that. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Cameron: Earth's deepest spot desolate, foreboding small primitive sea animals on the ocean floor as he did when he dove more than 5 miles deep weeks ago. All he saw were voracious shrimp-like critters that weren't bigger than an inch. In future missions, Cameron plans to bring ''bait'' - like chicken - to set out. Cameron said the mis- sion was all about explo- ration, science and discov- ery. He is the only person to dive there solo, using a sub he helped design. He is the first person to reach that depth — 35,576 feet — since it was initially explored in 1960 There had been race to the bottom among rich and famous adventurers. Sir Richard Branson of Virgin industries fame has been building his own one-man sub to explore the depths of the ocean. Branson told The Associated Press on Mon- day that Cameron's dive was ''a fantastic achievement.'' Branson said he hoped to explore a different deep place first now, instead of the Mariana Trench. He planned later this year to dive to the deepest part of the Atlantic, the Puerto Rican trench, which is only five miles from his home. That area is just shy of six miles deep and has not been explored yet. Branson said he hopes to take his one-man sub and join Cameron in a tandem dive of solo subs: ''Together, we'll make a formidable team.'' Cameron spent more than three hours at the bot- tom, longer than the 20 min- utes Don Walsh and Jacques Piccard spent in the only other visit 52 years ago. But his time there was shorter than the six hours he had hoped for and he didn't reach the trench walls, because he was running low on power. He said he would return, as would the sub's Australian co-designer, Ron Allum. ''I see this as the begin- ning,'' Cameron said. 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There are several strate- gies you can try before considering medications or surgery. Start with bladder retraining. This is a pro- gram of urinating on schedule. It helps you to gradually increase the amount of urine you can comfortably hold. To begin bladder retraining, first keep track for a day or two of the times of day you uri- nate or leak urine. Calcu- late how long, on aver- age, you wait between bathroom visits during the day, and then add 15 minutes. For example, suppose you calculate that you go to the bath- room about once every hour. Adding 15 minutes brings you to 1 hour and 15 minutes. When you start train- ing, empty your bladder first thing in the morning and not again until the interval you've set — 1 hour and 15 minutes. You may feel uncomfort- able as the end of that first hour approaches. However, do your best to hold off urinating until 1 hour and 15 minutes have elapsed. Keep up that practice: Wait anoth- er hour and 15 minutes before you urinate again. Each time you do this, you should feel that it is a little easier. Once you're comfort- able for the whole hour and 15 minutes, then increase the interval by 15 minutes. Again, it Blinds Need Blinds? C A L L P A U L Blinds & Draperies www.nsbd.biz Lic.#906022 Contractor When you want it done right ... HIRE A LICENSED CONTRACTOR! Complete directory of Tehama County contractors online, listed by specialty on 2011 Contractors Guide under "Special Sections" www.RedBluffDailyNews.com Click on Plumbing/Handyman Jim the Plumber and Handyman Services 25 years experience Free Estimates Free Travel Time See Angie's List No Job to small Quality work ...cheaper! Local References (530)366-6033 24 hour service Lic#11003 527-0842 North State Paul Stubbs Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. may take a while, but you'll get comfortable with the longer interv al. Once you are, push out the time between urinations again by another 15 minutes. And so on. Over time, you should be able to wait much longer. I also recommend drinking less fluid. For some people, this is all it takes to bring inconti- nence under control. (But don't hesitate to drink water if you are thirsty because you're hot or you've exercised.) Pelvic floor exercises may also help. These exercises, also called Kegels, strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that help maintain conti- nence. To perform a Kegel, pretend to tighten your vagina around a tampon. You should feel the con- traction more in the back than the front. Practice both short contractions and releases (lasting 1 to 2 seconds) and longer ones. Gradually increase the strength of the con- traction and hold it at your maximum tightness for up to 10 seconds. You can use these exercises strategically. Tighten your pelvic floor muscles just before coughing, laughing or whatever usually causes urine leakage. We have more infor- mation on incontinence in our Special Health Report, "Better Bowel and Bladder Control." You can find out more about it at my website. 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