Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/56657
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 – Daily News 5A FEATURES Coed coddling creates connubial conflict Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 20 years. She has a grown daughter from her first mar- riage. I watched ''Lori'' grow up and love her as my own. My wife always has been fiercely defensive of Lori. I can't say anything remotely negative or criti- cal about her without risk- ing a big argument. Even the suggestion of having Lori help around the house or clean up her room would cause a fight. Lori is a good kid, but she has never wanted for anything. My wife makes no secret of the fact that Lori comes first in her life. Lori is now in her early 20s and is a senior in college. Even though she is taking only two classes a week, she doesn't have a job and is unmotivated to get one. My wife makes all kinds of excuses for her. Meanwhile, we pay all of her expenses, including her rent. I'm disabled and on a small fixed income, and my wife is self- employed. We struggle with our finances while Lori lives a carefree life. It is causing friction in our mar- riage. We tried counseling, but my wife refused to discuss anything related to Lori and quit going. Lori calls her mother every hour, and my wife encourages it. Lori has no other friends, and all of my wife's attentions are focused on her The 2012 Red Bluff High School Sober Grad committee is ready to release the flamingos for their annual flocking fundraiser. The Sober Graduation party provides graduates with a safe, fun and mem- orable graduation night. The organization does not receive any funding from the school or the state. Donations are need- ed to help ensure this event is another huge suc- cess. One hundred per- cent of each donation will be used to fund the grad- uation event. Would you like some- one flocked? Call or email today to 527-4947 or rbhsflocking@yahoo.co Your tax experts 32 Years Plus Experience "Enrolled to practice before the IRS" Open Year-Round New Clients Welcome www.lassentax.com Enrolled Agents: Rose Hablitzel, EA Rex Cerro, EA (530) 527-8225 208 Elm St., Red Bluff All major Credit Cards accepted daughter. I get very little. Is this normal behavior? — Concerned for Our Future Dear Concerned: No, Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar it's not normal for a college- age daughter to have no friends but Mom, and for a mother to encourage so much dependence. Such an enmeshed relationship is not only bad for your marriage. It also is crippling for Lori. Instead of helping her daughter learn self-reliance, Mom is being selfish by holding Lori so close that she delib- erately prevents her from becoming an independent adult. We hope you can make your wife understand that this is poor parenting and in no one's best interest. Dear Annie: What is the eti- quette when you go to someone's home and it's overly hot in the sum- mer and too cold in winter? A lot of my friends' homes are uncomfortable for me, and I have been asking them to adjust their ther- mostats. A trusted pal recently told me she thought this was rude, espe- cially when it doesn't trouble other guests. She suggested I wear layers and tough it out. What do you sug- gest I do? — Too Hot or Too Cold Dear Too: Wear layers and tough it out. Etiquette says you don't get to tell your friends how to heat and cool their homes. And if you are the only one discomfited by the temperature, the problem is you and not the thermostat. Please see your doctor for a checkup. Dear Annie: I had to smile at the letter from ''Road Worrier.'' When we started to get calls that our 92- year-old father was driving through stop signs and red lights and run- ning into cars in the parking lot, we gave his car keys to his caregiver and said she'd take him where he needed to go. When he died, I sent his suit to the funeral home. I later got a call saying they found a car key in the pocket. Later, we spoke to Dad's neighbor, who said when the care- giver would go to church on Sun- days, my father would come out of the house five minutes later, put his walker in the backseat of the car and drive off. He'd return 15 minutes before the caregiver came back. We don't know where he went for those four hours, but we're glad nothing happened to him or anyone else. When they started to close his coffin, I put that key back in his pocket and told him, ''OK, Dad, now you can drive Mama all over heaven.'' — L.A. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. RB Sober Grads prepare for flockings Choose the right cane for best support DEAR DOC- TOR K: I recently had a right hip replacement. My doctor says I'm ready to use a cane. What's the best way to use one? (3) Then move DEAR READ- ER: A cane will get you on your feet and allow you to be more active. It will also help you strengthen your body and give you some independence while your hip heals. First, it's important to Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. the leg that was operated on (your right leg) for- ward, about as far forward as the cane is, bearing some of your weight on the cane; (4) Next, move the leg that was not operated on (your left leg) forward past the leg that was oper- ated on. (5) Start with Step 2 again. make sure you select the right cane. There are sev- eral types: standard, off- set and multi-leg (quad). The standard cane has a curved handle or a T- shaped (functional grip) handle. A standard cane is good if you need help with balance but the cane doesn't have to bear a lot of weight. An offset cane (the upper part of the shaft bends outward) can bear more weight than a stan- dard cane. The handle is usually flat, which makes it a good choice if your hands are weak. Multi-leg canes have three or four short legs branching from the main shaft. They offer the most support. Try different handle designs to see which is easiest to grip and feels most comfortable when you walk. Avoid metal handles. Make sure your cane is the right height. When you're standing straight and holding your cane upright, your elbow should be flexed at a 15- to 30-degree angle. Walking with a cane Courtesy photo RBUHS seniors Ashley Brown, left, and Morgan Eastridge, ready for the Sober Grad fundraiser. m. 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AUTO CENTER CARE TIRES • WHEELS • BRAKES • ALIGNMENT • A/C • AUTO REPAIR • & AND MORE www.redbluffdailynews.com Five Lucky Voters will be selected at random from all eligible ballots on March 1. Each will receive a $100 Shopping Spree at the Tehama County business of their choice! Vote for your favorite made directly to: Red Bluff Sober Grad Organi- zation, P.O. Box 9311, Red Bluff, CA 96080.l Crafter's Boutique Hand Tooled Leather Bag 650 Main St., Red Bluff 530 528-2723Tues.-Fri. 10-4 • Sat. 11-3 Closed Sun. & Mon. Large Ham Steak Breakfast takes practice. To start: (1) Hold the cane in the hand opposite your affected hip (in your case, your left hand); (2) Move the cane sev- eral inches ahead of you; I recall a patient of mine who, like you, had just undergone a hip replacement and had been given a cane. When I asked him how it was going, he said it worked pretty well at home, but that he couldn't go out. I was puzzled about why using the cane should be harder outside the home than in the home. It turned out that he was simply embarrassed to be seen in public using a cane. "Canes are for old people," he said. So I taught him to use crutches. That way peo- ple might think he'd been skiing an expert trail in the Rockies! Since then, I've asked many of my patients facing hip or knee replacement surgery about their views on canes vs. crutches. A fair number (and not all of them men) much pre- ferred the image of using crutches to using a cane. Both devices are fine for most patients. Choose whatever is best for your self-image. (For my hip replacement surgery, I used crutches.) Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. 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