Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/554633
20 UCW AUGUST 12-18, 2015 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM • As a full service dealer we have over 50 trailer units for sale in various sizes, colors and options for any of your hauling needs. • Elite dealer for Forest River Trailers as well as other brands like dump, enclosed, pull behind and many more. 910-424-7660 910-424-7660 We also have tires available for your trailer needs. Est. 2011 www.diamondtrailersales.com • We also have trailer tires available for your trailer needs. Bring in this ad or mention it to receive I remember a long, long time ago, in a film review far, far away, I discussed the origins of the Minions in Despicable Me. I had heard from more than one source that the Minions were mutated corn pops. At the time (2010), it made sense. Now Minions (92 minutes) has provided some explanatory retroactive continu- ity. Apparently, Minions have always existed. They evolved from single-celled oceanic organisms that have always had a singular purpose — to serve the most villainous villain they can find. In terms of career goals, at least this ranks above pro-athlete, reality show star and becoming the next Michael Bay. As the opening credits play, some animation illustrates the evolution of the Minions. They follow a big fish that gets eaten by a bigger fish and then they follow the bigger fish. This goes on for a little longer than it needs to, following the Minions from the ocean to the land while Geoffrey Rush helpfully sprinkles exposition everywhere. These opening scenes are instructive in several ways. First, they establish that the Minions babble a kind of Esperanto- inspired gibberish that mixes together French, Spanish, English and odd-sound- ing food names. Second, Minions quickly cause the death of any supervillain they work for through general incompetence. Third, they apparently evolved into a single asexual group over the course of a single lifespan — they don't seem to age after achieving their final form, they have no children, they are apparently immor- tal, are minimally affected by extremes of hot and cold and are presumably indestructible. And they are all voiced by director Pierre Coffin. As Admiral Spock would say, "Fascinating." After killing their latest evil boss, they relocate to somewhere there are polar bears. I am pretty sure it was supposed to be Antarctica, but, as we all know, polar bears don't live in Antarctica. So perhaps it was Alaska or Greenland? Anyway, they build a minion society. After 120 years (give or take the odd decade) they are adrift in a sea of ennui, in desperate need of a new master to serve. A two-eyed minion named Kevin volunteers to find one. He is joined by a small, chubby one-eyed minion named Stuart, and finally by an enthusiastic two-eyed minion with heterochromia iridium (two different eye colors) named Bob. The three head off into the frozen wasteland, eventually ending up in New York. So, while they get hungry and like to eat fruit, they apparently cannot starve to death and do not need freshwater to survive. There, they learn about Villain-Con. Villain-Con is the Villainous equiva- lent of Comic-Con. All the most famous villains gather in one place to network and recruit. The most famous villain of them all is Scarlett Overkill (Sandra Bullock), so naturally the Minions end up working for her. She has concocted an elaborate plan to steal the Queen's (Jennifer Saunders) crown, and sends the Minions to fetch it for her. However, due to some national confusion about where rulers actually come from, Bob ends up being crowned, and then offers to cede the throne to Scarlett. Despite providing the supervillain with exactly what she wanted, she sends them to the torture chamber with her husband (Jon Hamm) for punishment. Since the Minions appar- ently can't feel physical pain, this does not have the desired effect. After the first 30 minutes or so, I found out that Minions are cutest in small doses. I know this is a PG film intended for kids. In fact, I thought it might work for my 3-year old's first in-the-theater movie. But it wasn't too long before the cuteness-novelty value started to wear off. For a family movie, it wasn't bad. But the gimmick got old quickly. Now showing at Patriot 14 + IMAX. Find Your Tribe Minions (Rated PG). by HEATHER GRIFFITHS HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 910.484.6200.