Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/551165
AUGUST 5-11, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Lord of the Ringer I had an affair with a married man, and we fell madly in love, and he left his wife for me. We've been happily married for many years, but recently, I found out that he's still in contact with his ex-wife. I got suspicious, bought a voice-activated recorder, and tapped our landline. Lo and behold, they're having hot phone sex while I'm visiting my elderly mother on Sundays! I can't believe he would disrespect me like this! Especially after all we've done (like moving across the country to get away from his psycho ex). I really love him, so I'm wondering whether I should confront him or just seethe in silence (because I know he won't go back to her). And honestly, I'm not even sure phone sex is really cheating. — Shocked You're doing this not because you're dumb but because you're succumbing to a mental shortcut called "optimism bias" — a belief, fueled by ego and wishful thinking, that bad things likely to happen to other people will pass over you like a flock of birds, not leaving so much as a souvenir dropping in your hair. Optimism bias is maintained with denial — like your questioning whether phone sex is "really cheating." Um, if some behavior by your partner, done openly, is likely to cause you to burst into heaving sobs, chances are he's crossing the line: "Be right there, dear! Just talking dirty to my ex-wife." As for your notion that you could just seethe in silence, wonderful idea — except for how, as resentment builds, "head in the sand" starts to feel like "head in the blender." To stop giving in to optimism bias, give yourself a crack upside the head with how things actually are. Yes, you need to admit that your husband is cheating on you. Once you have your meet-and-greet with reality, let him know you're onto him and then sit down together to see what you have and whether it's fixable (and not just by making your elderly mom take the bus to your house so you can stand guard by the phone). To figure things out, spend 12 hours straight in a hotel room together. Yes, really. No books, TV, phone calls, naps, or walks outside. You can sit silently — or talk about anything regarding one or both of you. The late therapist Nathaniel Branden, who came up with this idea, called it an "experiment in intimacy." Branden explained that when all avenues of escape are closed off, a couple can experience real breakthroughs in communication. As opposed to what you've been experiencing — real breakthroughs in communications devices: "Yeah, we have a very happy relationship … hold on, Katrina …sorry; that was just the tracking thingie telling me my husband's going south on Oak." Copyright AMY ALKON WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The whimsical premise of the iconic movie Groundhog Day (that someone can wake up every day believing it is the previous day) has largely come to life for a patient of a British psychologist writing recently in the journal Neurocase. Dr. Gerald Burgess' patient, following anesthesia and root-canal treatment, was left with a memory span of only about 90 minutes and awakens each day believing it is the day he is to report for the same root canal. He has been examined by numerous specialists, including neurologists who found no ostensible damage to the usual brain areas associated with amnesia. The patient is able to manage his day only by using an electronic diary with prompts. [University of Leicester press release, 7-14-2015] Can't Possibly Be True Apparently, "uncooperative" child dental patients (even toddlers) can be totally restrained on a straitjacket-like "papoose board" without parental hand- holding, even during tooth-pulling, as long as the parent has signed a "consent form" (that does specifically mention the frightening practice). A recent case arose in Carrollton, Georgia, but a Georgia Board of Dentistry spokesperson told Atlanta's WSB-TV that such restraints are permitted (though should have been accompanied by an explicit warning of potential physical or psychological harm). The father of the "screaming" girl said he was initially barred from the exam room and was led to believe, when he signed the consent form, that he was merely authorizing anesthesia. [Georgia Newsday, 7-2-2015] Wait, What? (1) A shortage of teachers led Howard S. Billings high school in Chateauguay (in the French-sensitive province of Quebec, Canada) to announce that 11th- grade French classes would this year be conducted using only the Rosetta Stone computer program. (2) Among the new rules proposed by California's Occupational Safety and Health Standards agency in May was one to require actors in pornographic movies (whose male actors OSHS has already ordered to wear condoms) to wear goggles — lest bodily fluids splash into their eyes during scenes. (Further, all equipment and surfaces of sets must be decontaminated after each scene and at day's end.) [CTV News (Montreal), 2-24-2015] [Washington Post, 5-29-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 It almost seems as if something is working against you this week, Aries. It could just be your overactive imagination. Channel your energy into a creative project. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 You may get swept away in some lifelike dreams this week, Taurus. It may be difficult to discern when you're awake or asleep. Don't get carried away. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, a professional predicament may have you feeling as if you have been run ragged. Regroup, even if it means taking a few days off. This time away is just the remedy you need. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 It's nearly impossible to stick to your schedule this week, Cancer. Too many things will pop up, and youÕll be spending your time juggling multiple responsibilities. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, your imagination may push you in the wrong direction this week. Daydreaming instead of getting things done is risky. Focus on the tasks at hand. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, your coworkers will come through in a big way this week. Make the most of this opportunitity to work together as a team, and it will pay dividends going forward. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, a little daydreaming can be good for the soul. Give daydreams their due time, but remember to refocus on real life as well. You're up to a challenge you face this week. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, your schedule is about to clear up so now is a great time to take some time off. You deserve a break after buckling down for so long. Relax and enjoy yourself. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 You know what needs to be done, Sagittarius. You may not have enough manpower to get everything accomplished, so put out a few feelers to see who is up to helping. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, continue with your consistent approach to handling your many responsibilities. You're juggling a lot these days, and you're benefitting from your work ethic. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, adhere to your original plan this week, avoiding distraction until the tasks at hand are a distant memory. Your plan is reliable and sure to work. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 ItÕs nearly impossible to hide your emotions right now, Pisces. So why not share them and get some support from friends and family? Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard