Up & Coming Weekly

DECEMBER 16-22, 2009 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Want Lies With That? My boyfriend of six months revealed that he's never been faithful to anyone, not even his wife of 10 years, whom he cheated on constantly because he married too young and made himself stay for the kids. Once he divorced, about a year ago, he decided never to lie or cheat again. He said he wants a future with me, wants to be honest about everything, and if there's anything I want to know, I should just ask. I believe in loving someone unconditionally and without judgment, and I have a lot of respect for him for telling me the truth. I'm just not sure if the chance is worth taking: whether he'd be unfaithful and break my heart into a thousand pieces. — Loving Cautiously In a new relationship, any guy can put his best foot forward, but maybe it takes a guy who really loves you to put his worst foot forward: warning you that you could be waiting for the other shoe to drop — off the side of some other girl's bed. Of course, he could also be warning you so that if he does cheat, well, you were warned. Commendable as it is that he's resolved never to lie or cheat again, he's been divorced a year and seeing you for half that time. That's a seriously short stretch of never — especially for a guy who's never been faithful to anyone (presumably, even running around on some pigtailed 14-year-old with the junior high school hussy). And while he talks a remorseful game, he still explains his marital infidelity with the howler "I did it for the children." Paternal sacrifice is admirable, but more so when working three jobs to keep a roof over the kiddies' heads is what a father's been doing — and not a string of bar floozies. While many are quick to blame their cheating on a bum relationship, there seems to be a cheater personality. As I wrote in my column "Charlotte's (Tangled) Web," researchers Todd Shackelford and David Buss found three personality traits common to people prone to getting some on the side. There's narcissism — being self-absorbed, self- important, lacking in empathy, and predisposed to exploiting others. The other two are low conscientiousness and high "psychoticism," clinical terms for a personality marked by impulsivity, unreliability, and an inability to delay gratification. So... any of this seem familiar? Clearly, the last thing you should be engaging in is "unconditional love." Sounds beautiful, but that's love minus discernment, which isn't love at all, but projectile sentimentality. Seeing whether he's turned over a new leaf takes ongoing discernment — even beyond the two-year point. On average, that's how long the happiness high people get from marrying seems to last, according to social psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky. For you two, the hot new thing phase might end sooner or later, but this at least gives you some sort of marker to go by. You know, seasons change, leaves fall... panties drop? It's a good thing and a bad thing, having your relationship front-loaded with news of his zipper management issues. For day-to-day peace of mind, you want "I wonder if he'll ever cheat" to maybe be a footnote on page 33 of your relationship story, not in bold type at the top of page one. On a positive note, you should be less likely to let monogamy slip into monotony. And, while most couples take for granted that both partners will be on their faithful best behavior, having this out in the open might help him focus on what really matters to him, and how he'll deal, should temptation slide its hotel room key down the bar. Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK in the STARS www.Astrology-101.com ARIES - March 21 thru April 20 Career and Community sector plays host to changing positions of Sun and Venus. New star patterns should help you further new opportunities in the year ahead. TAURUS - April 21 thru May 21 In matters pertaining to far away places a new opportunity should be acted upon. Educational updates and spiritual renewal brings new friends and interests. GEMINI - May 22 thru June 21. Emphasis on Joint Finances may come about as Sun moves into your Investment sector. Benefi ts should be gained if your focus is in one direction. CANCER - June 22 thru July 23 Business partnerships as well as other relationships are favored as Sun moves thru your "togetherness" sector. "Don't hide your light under a bushel." LEO - July 24 thru August 23 Using new methods of utilizing skills at workplace should come to the attention of bosses as Sun moves thru Job sector. Your future looks bright! VIRGO - August 24 thru Sept 23 Areas of romance, creative abilities and holiday good times receive support from new position of Sun. Your talent is better than you think! LIBRA - Sept 24 thru Oct 23 Focus of Sun and Venus is on Home sector, It's the proper time to bring domes- tic matters to happy conclusions. A favor- able time to develop a www.business. SCORPIO - Oct 24 thru Nov 22 This is a good time to fi nd new ways to further your interests. Connect with infl uential people in nearby places. If you ask, you may receive! SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 thru Dec 21 Sun moves thru your solar Money sector. Additional dollars in the year ahead could be yours if you pursue new ideas and express talent abilities. CAPRICORN - Dec 22 thru Jan 20 . Sun and Venus in your sign is a time to take stock of yourself, to accentuate the positive aspects of your life. Don't sell yourself short. Good things are in your stars. AQUARIUS - Jan 21 thru Feb 19 Don't give up now! Efforts should soon pay off in results and reward. If you're not certain about a personal situation, sleep on it for now. PISCES - Feb 20 thru March 2F0 Wishes can be furthered under excellent Sun and Venus conditions. Join groups sharing your interests. What you conceive and truly believe, you can achieve. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In October in Orange County, CA., Billy Joe Johnson, who had just been convicted of murder as a hit man for a white supremacist gang, begged the judge and jury, in all sincerity, to sentence him to death. Johnson knew that those on California's death row get individual cells and better telephone access, nicer contact-visit arrangements, and more personal-property privileges than ordinary inmates. The Los Angeles Times reported that the state's spending per death-row inmate is almost three times that for other inmates. The current death-row census totals 685, but because of legal issues, only 13 have been executed since 1977 (compared to 71 death-row fatalities from other causes). In fact, Johnson was so eager to be put on death row that he tried to confess to two murders that no one yet knew about. [Los Angeles Times, 11-11- 09] The Continuing Crisis Veteran marathoner Jerry Johncock, 81, was four-fi fths through the Twin Cities Marathon in October when he was overtaken by a medical problem common to men of his age: urinary blockage. As he stopped to discuss his plight with offi cials, noting that he would have to quit the race to get to a hospital before his bladder burst, a spectator overheard the conversation and offered him the use of a "spare" catheter he had in his car. Johncock repaired to a rest room, administered the catheter, and returned to fi nish the race. [St. Paul Pioneer Press, 10-7-09] Shipments of Ford passenger vans arrive each month in Baltimore from a Ford plant in Turkey, but each time, workers immediately rip out the non- driver seats and replace the side windows with steel. The reason, according to a September Wall Street Journal report, is to avoid an expensive tariff on imported "delivery vans," which is 10 times the tariff on "passenger vans." Ford found it less costly to re-fi t passenger vans than to acknowledge importing delivery vans. Ironically, the tariff was imposed in 1963 specifi cally to protect the U.S. auto industry from foreign imports. [Wall Street Journal, 9-23-09] In October, Poland's Polskieradio reported a settlement in the 18-month legal battle between two neighbors in Mikowice over a plastic bucket worth about $4.50. One had sued, accusing the other of ruining the bucket by kicking it. The respondent had elaborately offered proof of innocence by submitting video of the neighbor continuing to use the bucket as before, but the neighbor had countered by calling an "expert" witness, who examined the bucket and concluded that it was probably damaged. [Polskieradio, 10-24-09] SPRING SEMESTER for Day and Online students starts January 12th. For more information, please call 910.630.7027 (Day students) or 910.630.7646 (Online students). MU @ NIGHt SPRING TERM I starts January 11th. For more information, please call 910.630.7190. MU @ NIGHt SPRING TERM II starts March 15th. For more information, please call 910.630.7190. For more information, go to www.methodist.edu. Methodist University is a participant in the Yellow Ribbon Program (Chapter 33). If you are a qualifi ed veteran or family member, you may be able to attend Methodist University tuition-free with no student loans. At Methodist University we are committed to supporting active duty military families and the veteran community. For more information, call 910.630.7174 or 1.800.488.7110 x7174 or visit us online at www.methodist.edu. The YelLOw RiBbon that's as GoOd as GOlD.

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