Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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22 UCW JUNE 24-30, 2015 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Beyond Thunderdomes I have a great circle of female friends, but one of "the group" has a way of making backhanded comments about my appearance that make me feel bad about myself. Her latest topic is my breasts and how much smaller they are than hers. Incredibly, she manages to work this into any conversation — exercising, fashion, shopping, camping. If I confronted her, I know she'd act as though she's been paying me compliments. ("But you're SO lucky to have small boobs!") How can I get her to stop? — Annoyed Women engage in what anthropologists call "covert aggression" — attacks that are hard to pinpoint as attacks, like gossip, social exclusion and stabbing another woman in the self-worth. Psychologist Anne Campbell, like others who study female competition, explains that women seem to have evolved to avoid physical confrontation, which would endanger their ability to have children or fulfill their role as an infant's principal caregiver. So while guys will engage in put-down fests as a normal part of guy-ness, even women's verbal aggression is usually sneaky. The tarted-up put-down is a form of psychological manipulation — a sly way of making a woman feel bad about herself so she'll self-locate lower on the totem pole. And because men have visually driven sexuality, women specialize in knocking other women where it really hurts — their looks. Like those supposedly minuscule boobs of yours. The next time that she, say, turns a trip to the mall into a riff — "Har-har… Victoria's Secret is that they don't carry your size!" — pull her aside. (In a group of women, conflict resolution is most successful when it's as covert as female aggression — as in, not recognizable as fighting back.) By not letting the others hear, you remove the emotionally radioactive element of shaming. This helps keep your defense from being perceived as an attack on her — yes, making you the bad guy. Simply tell her — calmly but firmly: "These mentions of my boobs are not working for me. You need to stop." Be prepared for the antithesis of accountability — a response like "Gawd…chill" or "I have no idea what you're talking about." But she'll know exactly what you're talking about, which is that you've just become a poor choice of victim. She may float a remark or two to test your resolve, so be prepared to repeat your warning — calmly but firmly — until she starts acting like just one of the girls instead of yet another breast man. AMY ALKON Copy right 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Apartment buyers in ridiculously expensive Hong Kong are now eagerly paying up to the equivalent of $500,000 (U.S.) for units not much bigger than a U.S. parking space (and typically physically self- measured by the applicant's wing-span). An agent told The Wall Street Journal in June that, for example, standard furniture does not fit the units and that having guests over requires sitting on the window sill. (The Journal pointed out that a typical such "mosquito" apartment unit in Hong Kong is 180 square feet, way smaller than the 304 of a basketball court's "lane" subject to a "3-second" violation.) A government lottery for subsidized units rewards barely one of every 100 applicants. [Wall Street Journal, 6-3-2015] The Entrepreneurial Spirit In May, Texas health officials shut down the flea market sales of sonogram DVDs at Leticia Trujillo's stall at San Antonio's Traders Village. Though the nature of the equipment was not described in news reports, sonograms can be produced only under a doctor's prescription and by licensed personnel, but pregnant flea market customers underwent a procedure ("just like a doctor's office," said Trujillo) that yielded a 12-minute DVD image, along with photos, for $35 — that Trujillo subsequently defended as for "entertainment" purposes only and for those without health insurance. [San Antonio Express-News, 5-22-2015] Ironies According to Nathan Hoffman's lawsuit, he was prepped for eye surgery that day in May 2014 when the clinic employee handed him a small-lettered liability- limitation form to sign. He was told that the surgery at the LASIK Vision Institute in Lake Oswego, Oregon, could not proceed without a signature, and despite hazy vision, he reluctantly relented, but things went badly. The form limits lawsuit damages to a money-back $2,500, but Hoffman demands at least $7,500 (to cover the so-far two additional surgeries elsewhere to correct LVI's alleged errors). [The Oregonian, 5-15-2015] War Is Hell Some jihadists who have traveled to Syria to join ISIS have complained recently (according to a Radio Free Europe dispatch) that they cannot secure work as "martyrs" because of discrimination by incumbent fighters. One "pro-ISIS" cleric, speaking for Chechens, said they "are so fed up with the long waiting lists in Syria" that they head to Iraq, where the lists are shorter. Said one, Saudis controlling suicide rosters in the Syrian theater "won't let anyone in." Their "relatives go to the front of the line using (their connections)." [News.com.au (Sydney), 5-22-2015] Copyright CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES Ð Mar 21-Apr 20 Aries, make note of any and all thoughts that pop into your head this week. Even your more quirky ideas may amount to something that brings big success. TAURUS Ð Apr 21-May 21 Taurus, play things close to the vest this week. Certain projects are up in the air, and you may need to more closely examine each situation before suggesting a course of action. GEMINI Ð May 22-Jun 21 It can be tough to stay on track this week, Gemini. ItÕs hard to focus on work even for short periods of time. Try to maintain your productivity amidst the distractions. CANCER Ð Jun 22-Jul 22 Cancer, if you have any free time this week, sneak off to a quiet place and daydream for a little while. Some of your most inspiring ideas have come at the most unexpected moments. LEO Ð Jul 23-Aug 23 The line between fact and fantasy can be a bit blurry this week, Leo. You may be pulled in different directions, but try to maintain your focus. VIRGO Ð Aug 24-Sept 22 Virgo, rather than looking at things on the surface, dig a little deeper to try to find more profound meanings. You may unearth several interesting patterns. LIBRA Ð Sept 23-Oct 23 Libra, you may feel as though you are in unfamiliar surroundings this week. Don't get too scared, as this break from the norm might provide a little extra hop in your step. SCORPIO Ð Oct 24-Nov 22 Recognize the potential for magic wherever you go this week, Scorpio. You have the ability to see beauty where others only see blemishes. Turn others on to your way of thinking. SAGITTARIUS Ð Nov 23-Dec 21 Sagittarius, encourage family members to gather in the coming days. Planning a day or evening with those you love most is a great way to escape the daily grind. CAPRICORN Ð Dec 22-Jan 20 Capricorn, honor all of your commitments in the coming days. Recognize others are counting on you and do your best to live up to their expectations. AQUARIUS Ð Jan 21-Feb 18 Aquarius, give a minor financial issue the attention it deserves. It's better to nip it in the bud early on so the situation does not escalate. Take responsibility for the problem. PISCES Ð Feb 19-Mar 20 Pisces, avoid distractions as you look to resolve an issue that has been tough to handle. Try to clear your head before making decisions. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard