Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/495553
APRIL 15-21, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Malice in Wonderland My boyfriend has a crazy ex-wife who can't let go. She is the meanest, most vengeful and manipulative person, initially convincing the 15-year-old son she has with my boyfriend that I'm the reason "Dad won't come back." (He actually divorced her after she, in a fit of rage, made a false police report about him.) She also slashed my tires and spread a rumor that my boyfriend is a child molester. I love him dearly, and we feel we're soul mates, but his ex-wife is making it so hard to be happy. What can I do? — Besieged Don't take this woman's behavior personally. And yes, I'm serious. The problem is, because she isn't acting from anything resembling reason, there's no reasoning with her. As personal security expert Gavin de Becker says about the irrationally persistent in his terrific book The Gift of Fear, "There is no straight talk for crooked people." So, practically speaking, short of finding a home security company that sends out zombie squads by radio call, all that you personally, can do is decide whether you find love and soulmatery worth the trade-offs in terror and tire costs. As for what your boyfriend can do, the answer, unfortunately, is "not much more." Install video surveillance; document everything she does; and use the legal system to the extent he can (and the extent that seems prudent). The following advice — to use gratitude as a buffer against ugliness — might sound like it's from the Little Miss Sunshine Solutions Department, but there's actually solid science behind it. Research by social psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues finds that people are meaningfully happier when they take regular stock of the things they have to be grateful for. (A caveat: This happiness-increasing effect was found only for people who did this blessings counting once a week, maybe, the researchers surmise, because doing it more often felt like a chore.) So consider getting gratitudinal once a week, maybe on Sunday night. You could even write five things down on slips of paper and put them in a "Gratitude Jar" so you have a visual reminder of how good you actually have it when things go bad. This may also help you avoid getting snippy with the irritatingly well-meaning who chirp, "What goes around comes around!" Right. If there is such a thing as karma, it seems to go after the truly heinous offenders first, like all the people who ever dropped a straw wrapper or let out a puff of tail wind in the elevator. AMY ALKON copyright 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD An unarmed man, suspected of no crime, who three years ago was shot 16 times by police while lying in his bed, told a Seattle Times reporter in March that he bears no ill will for the cops who shot him. Said Dustin Theoharis, now 32, "Sometimes (police) make mistakes." Theoharis was napping in a friend's house in Puyallup, Washington, when police arrived to arrest the friend's son, and when Theoharis reached for his ID, one officer imagined a gun, and the two officers opened fire, hitting Theoharis in the jaw, both upper arms, both lower arms, wrist, hand, shoulder, abdomen and both legs. He spent months in a hospital and skilled nursing facility and today is largely immobile and unable to work. (He "won" legal settlements totaling $5.5 million, but one-third went to lawyers, and much of the rest has paid medical bills.) [Seattle Times, 3-21-2015] Can't Possibly Be True According to the mayor of Rio de Janeiro, it appears that some of the 2016 Summer Olympics' aquatic events will take place among floating household trash and raw sewage in Guanabara Bay (although Mayor Eduardo Paes noted to the Associated Press in March that the events are scheduled for the "cleanest part" of the bay). To acquire the games, organizers had promised a massive cleanup, but now, with 500 days to go, Paes conceded that the goals will not be met and that, indeed, infrastructure improvements still have not halted the sewage flow into the bay. [Associated Press, 3-23-2015] Compelling Explanations According to the 17-year-old bicyclist who was broadsided by a motorist at rush hour in Sheffield, England, on March 6, a woman at first alighted from the car to help. However, upon seeing the extent of the cyclist's injuries, she apologized and walked away, telling the sprawled-out victim that her children were in the car and would be "scared" to see all that blood — and so she would drive them on to school. (Witnesses provided a description of the vehicle, but the hit-and-run driver was still at large.) [Huffington Post UK, 3-12-2015] Copyright Chuck Sheppard 2015 ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Think before you speak, Aries. Quick wit might lead to some easy laughs, but it's best to consider how your words will affect those around you before you speak. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Give yourself a little more time to solve a puzzling problem, Taurus. Within a few days you might have the fresh perspective you need to determine a solution. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, criticism coming your way is intended to be constructive. Listen to what others are saying and recognize that they are advocates, not adversaries. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, give yourself time to form an opinion on an important issue in your life. The more time you give yourself, the more clearly you will see the issue at hand. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, not everyone moves at your breakneck speed. Just because others aren't keeping up doesn't mean they don't understand what is going on. Give others time to catch up. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, a budding relationship demands your attention this week. Give this relationship the attention it deserves, and you will be glad for having done so. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, resist the urge to rehash an old issue. You and others have long since moved on, and there are more positive things to focus on in the next week. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, your financial savvy comes to the forefront this week. Put your skill for finding a deal to work and you and your accountant will be glad you did. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, a goal that seems unlikely is still worth working toward. Others will be there to offer support and guidance as you pursue this very unique and rewarding goal. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, a great opportunity to express yourself comes along this week. Make the most of this chance to let others see your creative side. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, a friend or family member looks to you for advice this week. Do your best to put yourself in his or her shoes and let him or her know your support is unwavering. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, you have the wherewithal to complete a projects other may never even attempt. Put your best foot forward and get to work. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard