Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/492070
APRIL 1-7, 2015 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Flee Circus My mom left when I was young, and my former husband left me, too. Maybe because of this, I've noticed that I'm quick to assume that any man I'm seeing is ditching me. In the early stages of dating, if there's a lag in calling or texting me back, I'll lash out — block the guy on Facebook and delete him from my phone — only to feel stupid when I learn that his phone battery died or he was already asleep. As a relationship progresses, I still perceive relatively innocuous things as signs it's over, and I keep testing a guy's limits with demands and drama, pushing him to (finally) bail. How do I stop doing this? It's totally unconscious in the moment. — Abandonment Issues Research on adults by social psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver did find that patterns of relating to romantic partners seem to trace back to childhood attachment experiences. Genes, temperament, childhood environment and other factors also shape how we relate. And though research finds that securely attached children seem likely to end up securely attached grown-ups, adult shifts in attachment style are common. As behavioral economists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky pointed out, in the heat of the moment, the brain's emotion department is our "first responder." If our rational system parses the situation at all, it's usually much later. Not going all Full Metal Jackie in the moment takes preplanning. A technique called "cognitive reappraisal" seems to help. This involves dialing down your emotional response by changing the meaning some situation has for you. Instead of thinking "I know he's left me!" when an hour goes by without a text back, reframe his absence in a positive light. You don't have to know that this explanation is true. It just needs to be positive and possible. Research by psychologists Iris Mauss and James J. Gross and others finds that using this imaginative reframing not only decreases knee-jerk negative emotions but activates the prefrontal part of the brain involved in emotional control and downshifts the pounding heartbeat of stress to the thumping heartbeat of possibility. It seems you can boost your sense of emotional security through mentally "priming" yourself — like by repeatedly imagining yourself being treated lovingly by a man or a parent. You can get this security-enhancing effect just by viewing positive images. How secure you feel can also be transformed by whom you're with. The best partner to help you shift out of auto- panic is one who is loving and caring and has a more "secure" attachment style . AMY ALKON copyright 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD EResearchers are now preparing a study seeking to confirm that dog slobber, by itself (and not just the psychological advantages of playing with and petting a dog), might provide human health benefits (such as relief from asthma, allergies and inflammation). Specialists from the University of Arizona and University of California San Diego point to existing evidence of the comparative healthiness of dog-owning families and suspect that canine saliva, like yogurt, may have unusual probiotic value. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 3-17-2015] Updates India Justice: Since News of the Weird last visited the judicial backlog in India (2013), the problem has worsened. The open caseload grew to 31,367,915 by the end of that year — a quantity that, if all of the country's judges, working around the clock, each resolved 100 cases an hour, it would still take 35 years to clear. Bloomberg Business Week reported in January that lawyers needlessly fatten the backlog with multiple filings, mainly to jack up their fees (and thus encouraging "extortion threats," in place of "law," as the preferred method of resolving disputes). [Bloomberg Business Week, 1-8-2015] Death-penalty opponents have long sought a clear-cut case in which an obviously innocent person was wrongfully executed, and unsurprisingly, the great state of Texas appears about to provide that, in Cameron Todd Willingham (convicted in 1992 and executed in 2004). Since his trial, the arson evidence "proving" murder has been thoroughly discredited, and recently an ex-cellmate's 1996 letter surfaced — demanding that his own prosecutor comply with the sentence-reduction he was promised if he claimed that Willingham had "confessed" to him (and in fact the cellmate's sentence was substantially reduced after he wrote the letter, though the cellmate later appeared grievously remorseful). Prosecutor John Jackson is facing a state investigation for not disclosing the sentencing promise before trial. [Washington Post, 3-9-2015] Chuck Sheppard Copyright 2015 ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Patience is a virtue you must have this week, Aries. Others may not be able to maintain your pace, so exercise patience with those who need it. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Share your thoughts and feelings about a particular project with others, Taurus. The people closest to you will provide just the support you need to move forward. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Embrace the competitive nature of a coworker this week, Gemini. This person might just motivate you to reach heights you have yet to reach, and this may lead to a promotion at work. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, a heart-to-heart talk with a loved one has you feeling confident as you move forward. Embrace this chance to communicate for the opportunity it truly is. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, allow someone close to you to enjoy his or her space this week. Find a way to keep busy as this special someone does some soul-searching. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Avoid rushing to judgment on an issue this week, Virgo. Rather than speculating on the "whys" and "how comes," wait until you can get some solid facts. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Luck is on your side this week, Libra. Make the most of this lucky streak and invite others to join in your fortune in the weeks to come. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, lend a helping hand to a loved one who could use some words of encouragement. Your efforts will be both effective and very much appreciated. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, anxiety about starting a new chapter in life is normal. Fear of the unknown can worry anyone, but look forward to all of the positive changes that are in store. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, thinking outside of the box comes easily to you. Although others may scoff at your unconventional ways, you always get the job done and this week is no different. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, peer pressure abounds this week, but you needn't worry about succumbing to it. You like to march to the beat of your own drum, and others look to you as a leader. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, you may need to take an unusual approach to get things done this week. Don't be afraid to be aggressive. Amy Alkon Chuck Shep- 3006 Bragg Blvd. 910.323.1791 www.thetrophyhouseinc.com Baseball Season Is In Full Bloom T e a m u ni f o r m s n ow a v a i l a bl e! Hours: 9 a.m. - 6 p.m. M-F